


Heavy Heart

by Blue_Plasma_Blast



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: F/M, HTTYD - Freeform, Hiccstrid - Freeform, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:35:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 23
Words: 60,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22646512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Plasma_Blast/pseuds/Blue_Plasma_Blast
Summary: After being kidnapped and forced to have sexual intercourse with each other as mere teenagers in this Modern AU story of recovery, Astrid becomes pregnant with Hiccup's child. They both battle anxiety, shame, and PTSD as a result of the trauma they went through together. The two who were forced to 'hurt' each other, Hiccup raped by another man and Astrid having to watch the whole ordeal along with be bedded by Hiccup himself to prevent the both of them from being hurt further, they might just become the only source of comfort for each other in this journey of healing and teenage pregnancy. Can Astrid Hofferson and Hiccup Haddock learn to open up rather than letting guilt and pride close them off from the rest of the world? Or will they try to hide their fear of the darkness until it's all they can dwell in?
Relationships: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson
Comments: 65
Kudos: 93





	1. Kidnapped

Hiccup opened his bleary eyes, head heavy as he tried to move. Then he realized his hands were bound by ropes in front of him, attached to a metal chain locking his knees together so he was folded over on his side. His feet were free, though his left leg was lacking his prosthetic.

Panic began setting in. What had happened? Why was he tied up somewhere? The last thing he remembered was being on a date. A date with…

_ Astrid!  _ Hiccup tried to yell but couldn’t as he realized there was a thick piece of leather between his teeth, effectively gagging him. 

Laying just across from him, lacking her shirt and leggings so she was only in her underwear and bra, was his girlfriend Astrid Hofferson. She also had a leather gag in her mouth, and her hands were tied together in front of her. She had the chain around her knees, connected to the rope around her hands like his own, though the difference was her feet were also tied together as well.

In a moment of dread as the sleep wore off and he began feeling a terrible pain between his legs, Hiccup realized he was only in a pair of thin shorts that reached his knees. They were clingy, and he lacked underwear, so he felt vulnerable as the material hugged his most private regions. 

Deciding he shouldn’t be looking at Astrid while she was almost naked like this, Hiccup averted his eyes, hissing into the gag and letting his head lay on the floor. His limbs and neck were sore.

He must have been like this for  _ days  _ by the way his body was hurting. 

Who would want them like this? Naked, vulnerable, completely open to their capture. 

A thought hit Hiccup hard, one that made him want to throw up. 

There was a girl who had been getting oddly close to Hiccup in the past few weeks. She had been a friend of his father’s sister, though said friend ditched her after the girl began dating an abusive boyfriend who had threatened both Hiccup and his cousin when he was around them. 

Threatened them with perverted things. His girlfriend, Hiccup’s aunt’s friend had joined in, so desperate to keep her man she was. 

This had all happened 4 years ago. Here recently she’d found him, told him she was still with her perverted boyfriend, tried giving him ‘apology hugs’ for what had happened in the past.

When she’d gotten too handsy during one of said many hugs, Hiccup had pushed the fairly older woman of 28 years old (he and Astrid themselves were just 17) away. She’d become furious, yelling at him in public. A man at the park with his children had asked if anything was wrong. Hiccup had taken Astrid’s hand, waved him off with a ‘thank you’ and walked away.

A week later, just before he’d been knocked unconscious, Hiccup was at a restaurant on a date with Astrid. They’d both decided to walk home rather than calling a ride. It was just past sunset, and a clear sky. They’d felt safe under the street lights. 

Along the way, Hiccup had encouraged Astrid to speed walk. He felt like someone was watching them, had caught the shadows of two people under one of the street lamps a few feet away from them.

It had to be her. There was no denying it. She and her boyfriend had this weird, gross fascination with teenagers, wanting to grope and nuzzle them even though they should be sharing their love with  _ each other.  _

The woman-Jera (Pronounced Y-eer-uh)-had this odd obsession with Hiccup being a virgin when he was younger. If she found out he and Astrid were still virgins, he feared this mentally messed up pervert would try to take advantage of that innocence, just like her boyfriend had he and his cousin long ago.

Astrid slowly stirred awake as Hiccup was lost in thought. She yelped into her gag, struggling in her restraints. She stopped struggling almost as quickly as Hiccup had when she realized how much damned pain her entire body was in. 

From the crook in her neck, to the pounding headache, to the pins and needles in her limbs, this was  _ agony. _

Hiccup dared to look up, catching Astrid’s frightened gaze, but not letting his eyes roam further down. Her own eyes raked his chest for a moment as she’d never actually seen him shirtless before because he seemed to be overly self conscious.

Now she knew why.

Little pink and white scars littered his chest. Deeper ones were raked across his shoulders. His forearms were a plane for swollen pink lines.

No wonder he wore long sleeves. There was no mistaking those lines.

At least they all looked pretty old. She’d ask him about them later.

When a whine of self-consciousness escaped Hiccup’s gagged mouth, Astrid looked back up at his face, her eyes apologetic. Hiccup gave her a nod, telling her she was forgiven, though he nearly yelled into the gag a moment later because of the white-hot pain that raced through his swollen-from-being-laid-on-for-so-long shoulder and up the right side of his neck.

The duo held each other’s gazes in silent conversation. Astrid was about to attempt to say something through her gag despite her sore throat (oddly enough it wasn’t dry as if someone had been giving her water in her sleep) when the door to their small, dark, candle lit room opened.

It was then they realized that not only was this Jera and her boyfriend Gale who had kidnapped them, but they were in some sort of mini basement because the door was above them. When Jera turned on the light with a sly smirk, they realized there were different ropes, chains, hooks, and sexual toys strewn across the room, along with a messy fur blanket.

Had these two been having sex next to Hiccup and Astrid when the teens were unconscious?

They both wanted to gag at the idea.

Hiccup was surprised when Gale started walking towards Astrid who was a few feet away from himself. In one swift movement of sheer panic, he shouted into his gag, drool falling down his right cheek, and kicked his bound legs out in front of him before yanking his back a little, using his pain-filled shoulders in an attempt to get closer.

Jera only smiled at this.

“Don’t get too cozy here Gale. The only girl you fuck is me.” She turned to Hiccup, a sick smirk on her lips. “Later though, if you  _ must  _ satisfy those needs of yours, I don’t mind you using another male. Just don’t risk anything with the girl. She’s ours to keep him busy and cooperative.”

Hiccup’s eyes widened in terror at her statement. He looked back at Astrid, sadness and pain in his features. She looked at him with sheer worry, afraid for him.

She couldn’t watch Gale do something like that to him. She’d rather die!

She _ just couldn’t _ .

Hiccup looked at Astrid with equal care and concern. He tried desperately not to let her see his fear. He didn’t want to worry her further.

Besides...Jera had said Gale could use him  _ later.  _ He could relax for now. 

Right?

Within moments Gale was nodding and stepping away from Astrid, but not before rubbing his hand over her right breast, making her flinch in surprise and reflex.

She wanted to kill him. 

Hiccup did too.

Jera walked behind Hiccup, placing a hand on his left shoulder that was pointed towards the roof, his right shoulder numb because he’d been laying on it for so long. His breathing raced when her hand moved down to trace the scars on his chest. If he could have moved his neck enough he would have shoved the gag from his mouth with her wrist and bitten her. Consequences be damned.

Astrid and Hiccup never stopped staring into each other’s eyes, Hiccup just trying to ignore the sensation of Jera’s hand as much as he could. 

Then her hand was lifted, and he nearly choked on his own hidden tears of shame and relief. Then he felt warm, rough skin on his left thigh. It moved down towards his stump.

  
He hated being touched there.

“Mmph!” Hiccup gasped into the gag, trying to tell Jera to let him go. Let him be. Leave him alone to suffer in his own pain. Don’t make it worse. 

Please.

Though, he supposed if he wasn’t gagged, he still wouldn’t have actually  _ begged.  _ Not in front of Astrid Hofferson.

“What was that?” Jera teased, index finger and thumb harshly pinching his numbing-from-lack-of-circulation stump. Hiccup jerked in surprise, biting into the gag in an attempt to soothe himself despite the pain that came with moving his right shoulder and bound wrists so quickly.

Astrid silently begged for him to open his eyes which were tightly pinched shut so she could hide in his piercing gaze again, live in a fantasy that wasn’t this through his forest green, mysterious eyes.

As if hearing her silent prayer to the gods above, Hiccup opened his tear-coated eyes to gaze at her again. Gale made a mocking ‘aww’ sound in the background before snickering. If Hiccup had looked up he’d see the man growing hard beneath his tight jeans.

Jera said nothing as she moved her hand upwards. Hiccup hissed when her hand went past the leg of his elastic shorts, and he yelped into his gag when she touched his most private areas, attempting to kick her with his unbound half-leg to no avail.

Jera chuckled with a lustful look as she stroked him. Hiccup closed his eyes, absolute shame and misery overtaking his features as his facial structure softened, his eyebrows dipping and head falling to the floor in utter defeat.

Something like a muffled “No!” escaped Astrid’s lips, and Hiccup opened his eyes again. He continued looking at her, letting a silent tear fall. He didn’t know why she wanted to look at him so bad, but somehow he found her gaze comforting as they just stared at each other.

She made him stronger, and he did her.

He hadn’t even had sex with his own girlfriend yet, and here were Jera and Gale violating him right in front of  _ said  _ girlfriend. 

How did this happen?

Hiccup choked on the lump in his throat when Jera squeezed him, pulling the shorts down just enough to free his manhood. She squeezed him painfully, causing a tearless sob to escape his throat, though he kept watching Astrid, seeking comfort from the oceans hidden in her eyes.

Instead of loosening, Jera squeezed him harder, angling her wrist an odd way. Hiccup tensed, biting into his gag as pain overwhelmed him. His legs trembled and he fought to keep his eyes open. 

Tears were on Astrid’s cheeks. If Gale had really made a move on her maybe she could take it. 

  
But seeing Hiccup like this and being able to do absolutely nothing about it was too much. She couldn’t stop crying now that she had started and her chest constricted as she tried to yell at Jera to stop touching him. Stop hurting him. 

Jera paid her no attention, too fixated on what she was doing. 

Psychopath!

Finally, her grip loosened. Hiccup sighed in relief, closing his eyes for a moment before remembering Astrid wanted him to look at her. He had more tears on his cheeks now, feeling more comfortable crying in front of Astrid since she’d already cried in front of him. 

Extending his fingers as if in an attempt to reach out to her, Hiccup whispered a ‘hush’ into his gag, looking at Astrid warmly as he tried to ignore his erection betraying him to Jera’s now slow but pleasing strokes.

Astrid stopped letting the tears fall, extending her fingers too in the way she’d do just before their hands locked with each other when they were watching movies on the couch at her house.

Hiccup kept his gaze on her for as long as he could, keeping himself composed. Then Jera started moving faster, his manhood throbbing, leaking, and fire being sent up his spine and down to his toes. He pinched his eyes closed tightly, curling in on himself a little as his body tensed and shivered.

  
Against his will, he climaxed into her hand, making Jera smile victoriously before she licked the stuff away. Astrid couldn’t see this because she was too busy looking at her boyfriend’s closed, now relaxed eyelids as he panted. He’d never been led to orgasm by another person before. He had been overwhelmed and now was exhausted.

Deciding to close her eyes too, Astrid lay her head lax on the floor and tried to block out the noises around them. 

A few moments past as Jera washed her hands and put some of the toys her and her boyfriend had used in a box for later. She then instructed Gale to untie and unchain them both, removing the gags as well.

As much as they both wanted to fight him, Hiccup and Astrid’s limbs were far too numb to move much at all.

The first thing Hiccup did when the gag was removed was look at Jera. He waited for Gale to pull his shorts up, hiding his manhood again, before speaking. 

“Why are you doing this to us?” He asked.

Jera only shrugged her shoulders, a twinkle in her eyes, almost like a mischievous teenager. 

“Your family left me. I’m getting them back by using you. Besides, who else am I going to find your age who’s willing?”

Astrid grit her teeth, giving them both death glares. 

“We’re not here willingly.” She said darkly.

Jera chuckled and shook her head. 

“Sure thing. Lock the door when you leave Gale.”

Gale followed his girlfriend up the ladder. Hiccup and Astrid both heard the door locking once he was gone.

Now that the two adults were gone, Hiccup and Astrid forced pain filled limbs to move as they got closer to each other. Astrid was the first to wrap her arms around Hiccup’s tense form, not caring about the semen on his stomach getting on her own skin.

“B-But you’re-”

“Shh. It’s okay babe. You’re going to see me naked one day anyways.”

Hiccup let out a sigh, relaxing in her hold and wrapping his arms around her mid torso. He paid no attention to her barely covered breasts pressed against his scar covered chest.

He could never be turned on in a situation like this, far too scared to even think about such things right now.

After a moment, Astrid whispered the words Hiccup desperately needed to hear. 

“I know you didn’t really like it babe. It wasn’t your fault. I know that you wouldn’t want to do that with her. I know that I’m still your only girlfriend.”

She’d replied to all of the things he’d silently tried to tell her with his eyes. 

Hiccup kissed her shoulder gently before they both lay down on the hard wooden floor, falling into a half-sleep in each other’s arms.


	2. Put against each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now forced to bed each other, Hiccup and Astrid must watch their significant other go through pain, or feel pain themselves. They know the risks, but are happier to be with each other than watch Jera or Gale rape their lover.

They didn’t know how long they’d been sleeping for, but Hiccup and Astrid woke up still held in each other’s arms. It took a second to remember why they’d been torn away from their dreams, then they heard the sound of the door in the roof opening. 

“What do you want this time?” Astrid asked darkly. She clung to her boyfriend tightly who tensed in her hold, still sensitive and on high alert in an attempt to keep himself from being hurt again. 

Astrid wasn’t going to let him go. They couldn’t hurt him if she was holding him. Not without going through her first at least.

Jera gave Hiccup a look that he couldn’t understand. He held onto Astrid tighter, glaring daggers at their capture. Gale wasn’t there for some reason. Perhaps he had a job. 

Gods forbid he work anywhere where there are kids. 

“Don’t try anything funny. There are cameras in the walls, watching your every move. You can’t escape.” Jera said darkly. Hiccup and Astrid both shivered at the thought of being watched while they were practically naked like this.

“Okay...but, what do you want? Are you going to leave us alone now?” Hiccup asked, hesitance and confusion in his voice as his eyebrows knitted together. He could still feel his own stuff between his and Astrid’s bodies, reminding him of what had happened earlier, though it was almost completely dried, the only thing keeping it from drying completely being their own sweat in the humid mini-basement.

He didn’t want to be touched again.

Jera smirked and shook her head. Hiccup and Astrid both tensed and shivered at the look she gave them. The woman standing over them was wearing black tights with holes in the knees, and a red skin-tight crop top. 

What was she planning?

“Don’t worry kiddo. I’m not going to do anything to you.” Jera leaned forward so she was closer to their eye level. Hiccup and Astrid both shrank back a little, but continued to death glare at her. Astrid subconsciously held her boyfriend tighter in an attempt to protect him. 

“It is what  _ you  _ are going to do to  _ her. _ ”

Both teen’s eyes widened. They looked at each other, then back at Jera for an explanation who only smiled.

“How else do you think I make my money? There’s cameras everywhere in here. You two do what I tell you to do, and I can sell the tapes.”

Hiccup glared darker at his aunt’s ex-friend, gritting his teeth in anger. 

“And if we refuse?”

The sound of a crop shot through the air before Hiccup’s entire back erupted in a terrible stinging sensation. He hissed and gasped, trying to ride the pain out. Astrid now had fear in her eyes. Either she let Hiccup bed her-or rather  _ convince  _ him to because he was so bashful-or he would be hurt right in front of her.

Like helheim she was going to let that happen. 

“Listen to her Hiccup.” 

Hiccup looked surprised as he looked down at Astrid, grip on her waist loosening a little. 

“But...we haven’t even...I don’t want the first time to be like this.”

Astrid grit her teeth with a scowl, before letting out a sigh and smiling warmly at him.

“I’d rather do this with you then watch her do it  _ to  _ you.” She held onto his shoulders, gripping him tightly, protectively, a little jealously. 

“ _ I’m  _ your girlfriend Hiccup. I’d rather it be me touching you. Not  _ her. _ ” Astrid scowled at Jera who didn’t react at all.

It took some convincing...but eventually Hiccup agreed. Messing up a few times do to how nervous he was, and he felt awful when Astrid reacted in more pain than what was normal when he took her virginity because she was so tense with nerves and fear. 

“I’m sorry.” Hiccup mumbled as he pressed against her, leaning forward to kiss her in an attempt to soothe her. Astrid kissed back tenderly, hands on either side of her head. Her knees were locking him in place, not letting him move any further than he was. 

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. You’re just as nervous as I am.” Hiccup moved his hips a little so she’d let him move, but Astrid’s body just wouldn’t let her let him go. 

She wasn’t ready. He wasn’t either. Neither of them were. 

A shout suddenly filled the air as the crop hit HIccup’s back, the new red welts stinging and a little blood being drawn near his lower back. He hissed but held still. 

It didn’t matter how many times she whipped him. He would endure the pain and hold firm before he ever forced himself into Astrid before she was physically ready for him. 

“St-Stop!” Astrid screamed, tears in her eyes when she heard Hiccup yell again. She could feel him trembling, both in fear and pain. 

“Only you can stop his pain my dear.” Astrid chewed her lip, the tears falling freely. She cried even harder when Hiccup leaned forward, kissing tears away comfortingly even as the crop hit his backside, sending fire-like pain through him at the sensitive contact. 

Hiccup opened his eyes, smiling warmly at Astrid even though his own tears were falling. She was sure her knees were giving him darker bruises than the crop was, but she couldn’t let him move. 

“I’m okay. We’re both okay.” Hiccup whispered, trying to lie to himself and her as he leaned down to kiss more of her tears away. He was on all fours, hands on either side of her shoulders and stump trying to hide itself beneath his right leg so the crop couldn’t hit him there. 

When the crop hit another time, making Hiccup gasp in pain against her skin, Astrid tried to force her legs open a little. She was surprised when Hiccup didn’t make a move even though she had let him go.

“It’s okay Hiccup.”

  
Hiccup shook his head ‘no’, continuing to kiss away her tears. 

“You’re...not ready.” He said between kisses. It was obvious he was trying to distract himself from the pain. He was erect because Jera had touched him with lube on her hands earlier, trying to ‘get him hot’ as she had put it, but now he was growing flaccid again. 

“Not wet…like I’ve heard....y-you’re supposed to be...naturally lubricated.” Hiccup continued, continuing to kiss her as well. Jera rolled her eyes and kneeled down, dragging her sharp nail over one of the deeper welts on his backside so she drew blood. Her hands trailed downward as Hiccup desperately tried to ignore her ministrations by catching Astrid’s lips with his.

She didn’t mind letting him kiss her to get through this. After all, he was taking all of this pain just so she didn’t have to. 

Suddenly Hiccup felt Jera’s finger penetrate his anal area. His whole body tensed and he let out a pain-filled gasp. It was obvious his body was trying to make the intruder go away. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. That’s what he’d been taught, and that’s what his body  _ felt.  _ Of course, he knew there were homosexual men in the world, and women who liked anal penetration, but he’d never put too much thought into it, never knowing exactly how everything worked, what position people were supposed to be in, and so forth.

Jera paid no attention to Hiccup’s silent plead for the pain to stop. She went further, not caring to take her time, until she found his sensitive prostate. 

  
Hiccup jerked at the unfamiliar feeling, back arching and tears falling harder down his cheeks as a sob escaped his throat. 

Astrid grew furious.

“You said we were supposed to be the ones doing this!” Astrid screeched through angry tears, her teeth gritted and her eyes a glare. Hiccup couldn’t protest against her outburst because his eyes were closed tightly and he was trying to adapt to the fingers that were moving too quickly inside of him. 

“I have to keep him hard for the camera.” Jera stated nonchalantly, a smirk on her face. It took everything Astrid had not to kick her, knowing that would get Hiccup hurt further. 

“I-I can keep him like that! I can take him! He can bed me! He can  _ fuck  _ me in front of you I don’t care! Just please,  _ stop touching my boyfriend! _ ”

Eventually realizing he wasn’t going to be able to adapt to Jera’s hands and simply deciding to let the pain come and go, Hiccup lifted one hand so he was caressing Astrid’s cheek. 

“Let her do it Astrid. Let her do what she wants. The more we fight, the longer this is going to take.” He whispered sadly, making Astrid’s own tears fall harder. 

Hiccup had never given up so quickly before. He was far too stubborn. Astrid had never seen him like this. Their situation was doing some huge damage to his pride and she could  _ see  _ it happening, the sadness and shame practically radiating off of him.

“No. I don’t want her to hurt you.” Astrid wheezed out, letting him kiss away her tears as she tried to hold still like Jera had told her to do before all of this had started. 

Hiccup’s legs trembled as she continued touching that over sensitive spot inside of him too quickly. It was too much. He was feeling pleasure and pain all at once along with humiliation and shame. He felt like he was going to collapse.

He  _ hated  _ this. It didn’t feel good. 

“She’ll hurt me for longer if we wait longer or if we fight her. Just...do what she says.” Hiccup tried to move forward in an attempt to feel if she was wet or not, but she reflexibly held him still again. 

Jera finally pulled out, leaving Hiccup sighing in relief, but that was before he felt something else touching him. Something cold and rubbery, covered in something wet. 

_ No.  _

The toy went in him easier now that Jera’s fingers had already penetrated him. Jera continued pushing it deeper until Hiccup’s body jerked again, telling her she’d hit that oversensitive spot she was reaching for. 

The fingers were gone and Hiccup was left clenching his walls in an attempt to accommodate the foreign object. 

Then he felt a buzzing that intensified quickly, making him cry out once more, tears racing each other down his cheeks and over his chin.

“S-Stop it...t-to- much!” Hiccup shuddered and yelled when Jera only turned it up higher. He leaned down, silently asking Astrid to hold him. To ground him. She complied, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him close. 

“Just do it Hiccup. Do what she wants. I’ll be fine.” 

Hiccup shook his head quickly, burying his head in the crook between her neck and shoulder as the toy buzzed so harshly on his prostate that it  _ hurt.  _

“N-No. I won’t hurt you.” 

Astrid grit her teeth and pulled Hiccup closer with her legs, making him yelp in surprise. His manhood touched her, sinking in ever so slightly, but he stayed where he was.

She wasn’t even close to ready.

“Help me. Help me get ready.”

Hiccup was confused by her statement, eyebrows dipping as a shudder escaped his throat, more tears falling of their own accord. He just let them. Didn’t care about them anymore. 

“H-How?”

Astrid grabbed Hiccup’s hand, guided it down to the small bump just above her opening. She held his hand, making him trail his finger over her, causing her thighs to tense. She moved his finger downwards to her opening. 

“Like Jera did when she was getting you ready for that stupid toy. Work me open. Prepare me.”

Astrid lent upwards, kissing his ear and whispering softly to him. 

“I don’t want her to hurt you anymore.”

Hiccup obliged, accidently hurting her a couple of times with his fingernail, but working her open nonetheless. Eventually she was wet enough to accommodate him. 

She still yelled when he entered her though because she was just too tense to take him without doing so.

They wound up having sex three times before Jera was finally satisfied, Hiccup and Astrid having both been whipped in between, though Hiccup took most of the lashes, Jera saying he released too early because Astrid didn’t release before him. 

They’d both been given their undergarments, but not their clothes. Hiccup lay on his side with Astrid in his arms who traced the bruises and red welts along his back and shoulders. 

He was spent.

Jera had finally left the two alone to themselves in their small space. Hiccup brushed Astrid’s bangs out of her face, sweaty and panting as he kissed her forehead tenderly. 

“Thanks for standing up for me when she tried to hit me for being a clutz.” He whispered to her. Astrid smiled as best she could and caught his lips with hers, drawing back and kissing his cheek gently with her own dry, chapped lips. 

“You’re not a clutz. It was our first time and you were afraid I’d get hurt if you didn’t move fast enough. I was tense too. Hence you couldn’t get all the way in the first time.”

Hiccup nodded his head and closed his eyes, nuzzling the spot just above her nose as they leaned against the wall, Astrid on his lap with her head on his chest.

“I want to go home.” Astrid whispered, and it was obvious she was hiding a lump in her throat, being the prideful woman she was. 

Hiccup wouldn’t have judged her if she did cry.

He was scared too. 

“I do too.”


	3. Pregnant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally rescued, Hiccup and Astrid are taken to the hospital. After doing evaluations and giving the teens some time to reunite with their parents, a doctor comes in with some scary news.
> 
> Astrid is pregnant.

Three and a half weeks had passed since Hiccup and Astrid had first woken up. They’d been fed once and were forced to wear rather revealing clothes. 

Astrid was wearing red finger-less gloves, her hair in a tighter-than-usual braid, eyeliner Gale had done on her, booty shorts, and a brown crop top. 

Hiccup was always cold and shirtless, fresh welts from the crop and bruises from Gale’s fists covering his torso (along with bruises on his mostly bare thighs, another thing that came with the things Gale decided to use him for that weren’t being a personal punching bag). He wore brown shorts, red arm bands with many holes in them that reached his elbows, and a black choker. 

He hated wearing such suggestive clothing. Astrid did too.

The two were woken up suddenly by the sound of someone entering the house. They both clung to each other as best they could despite the cold chains around their knees and wrists. They shivered terribly as the door opened, letting blinding light in and sending down a cold gust of air from upstairs.

It was always stuffy and  _ hot  _ down here, which was why Hiccup and Astrid were so sweaty and desperate for water 24/7.

They’d only had sex for two more sessions, three times each, and Jera took  _ no  _ hesitance in telling them how much money she was making from their ‘homemade videos’. The other four times Hiccup had had sex were when Gale had bedded him, a rather painful experience that left a lingering burn between his legs. 

Other than that it was all being recorded while the adults used ‘toys’ on them, rather it be Hiccup or Astrid as the victim. 

They’d both been so humiliated and downgraded in just the 27 days that they were captured that they wouldn’t even speak to each other anymore. Though, that was also caused by the lack of water and irritability the hot, humid environment caused. They just sat there, holding each other when their binds weren’t restraining them, and trying to comfort each other with eye contact and shushing sounds when the other was being hurt, though Hiccup was the only one who took Gale. Jera wouldn’t let him use Astrid, her odd mindset being that he wasn’t allowed with another girl, only a guy, the same sex.

Once the light faded a little so their eyes could adjust, Hiccup and Astrid were both shocked to see two men wearing all black suits and gear climbing down the ladder. A woman with dark brown hair in a braid and a taser attached to her waist passed them. It seemed she was the one who did the rescuing work, the two guys being the ones who busted down doors and defended her back. 

“What are your names? Can you speak?” The woman who was obviously a police officer asked, her tone sharp but also somehow caring. Hiccup and Astrid looked at each other, then back up at her with their heads ducked slightly. 

“H-H-Hiccup...Hiccup H-Haddock.” Oden it hurt so bad to speak. He  _ needed  _ water. 

Astrid was in no better shape as she gave her own name. 

The woman officer nodded and reached out for them, a sympathetic look on her face when they flinched reflexively. 

“We got a tip from one of the neighbors. They’d heard you guys down here. The man of the house does plumbing work and heard you through the pipes. We’re taking you to the station before the owners of the house get back. We have officers ready to arrest them when they arrive. Our top priority right now is you kids’ safety.” The officer pulled on the chains, trying to use a key she’d found on the shelf to unlock them, but to no avail.

“Gerard, Thorsten, I’ll need you two to carry them upstairs.” The officer ordered, then leaned into her radio and gave the code for the paramedics to be on the ready.

Astrid was the first lifted up. She wanted to protest, say she was fine on her own, but her limbs were pins and needles, the chains around them cutting off her circulation, and she was exhausted.

Hiccup was little better as he was brought upstairs. He was laid on a stretcher while someone looked at the marks littering his body and checked his pulse. He was hooked up to a machine that was beeping loudly due to the stress he was feeling making his heart race. Astrid was little more composed as she was lay on a stretcher. She asked for a blanket which the paramedics gave her so she could cover up her exposed skin. Hiccup requested one too, the outside air of Berk cold on his clammy skin. 

The two were taken to the same hospital and placed in the same room on different beds. The nurses were about to draw the curtain between them, but boyfriend and girlfriend requested for it to stay open. 

They needed someone they knew right now in this unfamiliar situation. 

Hours later Astrid’s parents and Hiccup’s father entered the room. Ingrid Hofferson cried and hugged her daughter. Agnar hugged Astrid too but managed to keep his hidden tears at bay, trying to be strong for her despite the relief he was overwhelmed with.

Stoick took Hiccup’s hands in his, whispering hushes to his jittery son and fixing the hospital gown so it was completely covering Hiccup’s shoulders.

Doctors did an assessment, and the young couple looked at each other for approval every time they answered a question, not wanting to let information slip that the other wasn’t okay with sharing. 

They told the doctor that they had been forced to have sex and had been penetrated by adult-themed toys. They admitted to the lack of nutrition and water so the doctor could write it in the chart and order that they would have a constant IV going, along with mostly non-solid foods for meals and boost shakes. 

They kept Hiccup’s own rape a secret, Hiccup not wanting his father to know such things had happened. They were both bandaged up so their rare bleeding wounds could heal, and were allowed to order a small lunch. Hiccup was far too nauseous because of the memories of what Gale did to him to be able to eat the right amount of food. Instead, he ordered vegetable broth and was given one of the boost shakes to help get his weight back that he had lost, always being one to lose weight abnormally quickly. 

Astrid was able to eat more, ordering jello and broth along with an unsweet tea. She requested her bed be moved closer to Hiccup’s which the nurses responded to in kind. The two ate together in silence, not speaking with their parents to answer silent questions until they were done eating. 

“Where were you when this happened?” Agnar asked his daughter, wanting to know when and where his daughter was taken so he could protect her later on. 

“We were on a date. We decided to walk home. Hiccup noticed someone was following us and told me to walk faster. We were standing close in an attempt to keep each other safe, but it wasn’t enough.”

Astrid breathed out through her nose to compose herself, nerves tingling as anxiety overflowed. 

“I felt something hit my head and I was out. Hiccup doesn’t remember anything either.”

Agnar nodded his head, smiling at his daughter reassuringly and brushing her bangs out of her eyes. Stoick took Hiccup’s hand in his, locking eyes with his son. 

“Why do you think she was after you?”

Hiccup knew who his father was talking about. He sighed deeply, not knowing how to word this without giving too much away. 

“You know she was your sister’s friend for a while. After she got that boyfriend of hers he was being really perverted towards Snotlout and I. She left for a few years, they both did. Recently though, she found me, trying to apologize.”

Hiccup blinked a few times to clear the blurriness in his vision. Why was this so hard to talk about? They were safe now. 

Right?

“I pushed her away when she started getting too handsy as if she had started liking minors just like her boyfriend did.” There was a bit of sass in his tone, covering for the fear.

“She got mad at me and a man at the park helped us by stopping an argument before it started. I thought that was the end of it. Apparently she’s crazy and has been watching us. Knows Astrid and I are dating. She has this weird obsession, wanting to use me to get back at my aunt. Wanting to use Astrid against me.”

Stoick was saddened when he could hear the hints of anxiety in his son’s voice when he spoke. He kissed Hiccup’s forehead lightly, showing a gentleness Hiccup hadn’t known in  _ years.  _

The Haddock teen smiled warmly at his father, trying not to wince as some of his marks started stinging.

The questions continued, small things like how Hiccup got his welts, and where the bruises on Astrid’s neck came from (choker). Then, another big question Hiccup had to stutter around came up.

“How long have you had the scars on your chest and arms?”

That was Astrid asking. 

Hiccup cringed, feeling stupid and vulnerable.

It took a second for him to answer, but he did hesitantly, yet honestly.

“It’s been years,Astrid. The habit didn’t last long. I was just...having a hard time, I guess. After what Gale and Jera did to Snotlout and I at that younger age...I don’t know, I just started doing it. I guess I felt like I deserved it or something. I haven’t done it in two years though I swear it.”

Stoick nodded his head, somehow not as shocked as he had expected himself to be. Perhaps it was because he was just too relieved to be upset with his son for this past habit.

“Do you think you’ll ever do it again? After everything that happened to you two?”

Of course Ingrid would be the one who asked that, being a children’s nurse after all and having dealt with many teen patients, some of which were battling mental disorders. Astrid’s father was a War Veteran, having been let off duty when he’d injured his spine and had to do physical therapy for years so he could learn to walk again. Now he was a stay-at-home father who did yard work and built shelves and other furniture for the neighbors. 

Hiccup hardly hesitated when he replied. 

“N-No. Of course I wouldn’t. I’ve learned better ways to deal with that stuff. Besides...” Hiccup traced a more inflamed scar near his wrist with his thumb subconsciously as if it stung. 

“I have too much to worry about. Too many people to look out for.”

Before anyone could say anything, a male doctor with black hair, white scrubs, and a tag that read “Dr. Burgess” entered the room with a stoic look to his features. Astrid and Hiccup looked up at him with worry, their parents looking on with simple confusion.

“I need to speak with, and with the parents of, Astrid Hofferson.” The doctor said with a neutral tone, not happy, not sad, not fast or slow. It was like he was treading on eggshells, and by the way he was hitting it they guessed he’d given whatever news this was many times before.

Ingrid and Agnar looked at Astrid who smiled warmly at Hiccup before turning back to the doctor. 

“We were in this together. Anything that happened to me is something that he can hear too”

Hiccup smiled warmly, leaning back against his pillows to relieve a new wave of stinging which tended to come and go despite the pain medications. His stump was also sore.

Deciding not to hesitate further, the doctor walked up to Astrid, looking at his chart as if he were reading it when it was obvious he was just lost. 

“Every time a female comes into our hospital who is past the age of puberty we have to prescribe a urine test before giving any kind of medical treatment.”

The doctor looked up at Astrid, catching Hiccup’s tense form out of the corner of his eye. 

“The pregnancy test came back positive. How long has it been since your last monthly cycle?”

Astrid’s eyes widened and she averted her eyes, looking at her hands while trying to hold back the tears.

“I was supposed to have my last one four days ago. It never came. I-I thought it might’ve been the stress.” 

The doctor nodded in understanding, handing Astrid four papers with writing on them. One was about different resources for research, one was about tracking your due date, one was a list of symptoms she might be experiencing, and one was about the possibility of termination and how it would be executed. 

Astrid threw that last one away immediately. 

“I mean...it makes sense. Like we told the nurses, they forced us into it.” Astrid looked at her mother and father, sadness, anxiety, yet some sort of determination in her eyes. 

“Gale never once put his hands on me like that. Jera wouldn’t let him because she thought it would be considered cheating or something. The baby would have to be Hiccup’s.”

Astrid didn’t even look at said boyfriend who sat next to her, their bodies separated by the rails between their beds to keep them safe if they were to role in their sleep or seizure like many trauma patients did.

She didn’t want to see his reaction. 

Agnar stepped to the corner of the room with his hands on top of his head as if he was trying to wrap his brain around this. His 17 year old daughter, pregnant with child because a child molester forced her to have sex with her first boyfriend.

Ingrid sat next to Astrid on the bed, allowing her daughter to come closer and lay her head on her chest while she hummed softly and ran her fingers through her hair. Astrid let a tear loose as her mother always somehow found a way to bring out her hidden emotions.

Stoick was watching for Hiccup’s reaction, not making sudden movements or touching his son. Hiccup’s eyes had widened at first, then they closed slightly as his teeth grit as if he were angry. Finally the boy took a few deep breaths and let his fists relax, eyes closed and face saddened. 

He looked desperately confused by his own emotions. 

“It’s not your fault.” Hiccup looked at Astrid who finally made eye contact with him, surprised to see he wasn’t angry. 

“Come again?” Stoick asked. He tried to lay a hand on his son’s shoulder who shrugged him off immediately. 

“It’s not your fault that it happened. It’s not the baby's fault either. I don’t blame you, I don’t blame them, and I’m trying not to blame myself.”

Hiccup took a deep breath, trying to compose his thoughts. 

“Look...what I’m trying to say is...I’m not mad at you, myself...I’m mad at Jera. I’m mad at Gale. They’re the ones that did this to us.”

Hiccup locked his gaze with Astrid’s, a fake smile coming to his lips in an attempt to comfort her.

“What’s done is done. We can’t go back. You don’t deserve to go through this alone Astrid. Even though I didn’t want that to happen at the time, even though I wanted to wait, I’m not going to abandon you with your child. I’m not going to disappear. Yeah, we were humiliated in front of each other. Completely and utterly violated. We saw sides of each other we may have never seen had those things not happened.”

Hiccup leaned closer to Astrid, stretching out his hand which she took hesitantly. 

“Even though we went through some pretty ugly stuff, I still love you. You never stopped being my girlfriend. You’re still my girlfriend even though you’re pregnant.”

Hiccup brought Astrid’s hand to his lips, kissing her tenderly. She shivered at the contact. 

“That is...if you want to be?” Somehow, there was not only worry, but also hope in his voice. He really did want to be with her through this. 

“I do.”

  
  
  



	4. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astrid finds herself in denial about the baby, and Hiccup has to put his pride aside so he can tell someone about the internal injuries he sustained at the hands of gale. Question is, will he actually do it? Is Astrid really able to get through this pregnancy?

Hiccup and Astrid were let out of the hospital after staying there for four days. They were both hydrated correctly, and their parents were going to sign them up for counseling to talk about things that might have happened which they weren’t comfortable telling their family.

The couple were brought to Hiccup’s house, the Hoffersons deciding, with Stoick’s insistence, that they would stay in the guest bedroom with their daughter.

They didn’t want to separate their daughter from the only person who knew everything that had happened to her. Not yet. Especially since Hiccup was also the father of their grandchild, even though the process of making said child was against their will.

The duo sat on the couch while glancing at the TV every now and again. Stoick and Ingrid were at work and Agnar was in the kitchen cooking dinner for everyone. He decided to let the couple be for the time being. 

Astrid’s head was on Hiccup’s shoulder as she sat beside him, one leg up on his lap so she could be as close to him as possible. His left arm was around her waist and her right arm around his torso, just under his underarms. 

Numerous thoughts and worries ran through their heads. They didn’t have to worry much about finances because Stoick was the head chief of a business and made plenty enough money to support them and then some. Even though Hiccup’s mother was dead, Astrid still had her mother to help them in ways that most men couldn’t. After all, Ingrid knew what it was like to carry a child. She could guide Astrid and help Hiccup understand at the same time. 

Still, the baby wasn’t the biggest thing on Astrid’s mind right now. She’d stopped thinking about it after a little bit, almost in denial. She’d find herself caressing her lower abdomen at times, or rolling over when she was sleeping because she was afraid she could somehow hurt the child by laying the wrong way, but other than that, she didn’t think about it. Didn’t think about its gender, if there was more than one, what they might be named, who’s house she’d live at, and so forth. 

Too much had happened to worry about something so big right now. She was only approximately 3 weeks pregnant and figured she’d start thinking about it more once she grew a baby bump, if she did. 

No. Right now she was thinking about asking her boyfriend something personal, but didn’t know how to word said question.

Finally, she decided to just let it out. 

“Why didn’t you tell your father Gale raped you? You could have some sort of injury there.”

Instead of being surprised like she thought he’d be, Hiccup sighed deeply and closed his eyes, facing downward instead of looking at her. 

He had been waiting for her to ask this question. 

“We’re worried about you right now Astrid. You’re the one who’s pregnant. You’re the one taking the big load here. I’m not worried about me right now.”

Astrid frowned, taking on an almost authoritative tone when she spoke next. 

“Don’t try to do that babe. I know this is something deeper than that.” She grabbed Hiccup’s hand, subconsciously laying a hand on her stomach. Hiccup glanced over, seeing her doing so. 

“I guess...I guess I’m in denial that it really happened. Kind of like you with that little thing.” Hiccup gestured to her hand on her stomach with his eyes, smiling warmly when she pulled it back and looked away from him blushing slightly.

“You’re right, but they know I’m pregnant even though I’m in denial,  _ as you put it _ . Why didn’t you tell anyone what happened to you? It happened a few times Hiccup. He hurt you. You need to talk to someone about this.”

Hiccup leaned forward, closing his eyes as he nuzzled the bridge of her nose, holding both of her wrists in his hands. She closed her eyes as well and leaned into him, letting out a deep sigh of contentment. 

“I have you don’t I?” Hiccup asked, genuine trust lacing his tone. Astrid smiled slightly, her voice cracking a little as memories overflowed in the depths of her mind.

“I’m different. I saw it happen. Plus I have my own things to deal with.” Astrid mumbled sadly. She moved so she was sitting next to him again, gazing at the TV with distant eyes. It was obvious she was somewhere else. Somewhere far away.

Somewhere in the past.

Hiccup thought about what she had said. Maybe he’d talk to a counselor or a doctor about it. He did have lingering pain which reminded him of what had happened of course, but he mostly just tried to forget the memory.

It had damaged his pride immensely. 

There was a knock on the door which caused both teens to flinch reflexively, for one split second expecting someone to open a door in the roof and come down to beat them up.

Stoick and Ingrid came home from work at the same time, talking in the driveway for a little bit before deciding to go inside. They smiled when they saw their children on the couch together, then frowned when they noticed how tense the two were.

Hiccup, knowing he was being stared at, relaxed his shoulders. Astrid caught on to what he was doing and relaxed as well, not wanting to worry her mother.

Stoick and Ingrid both caught the teens’ frightened reaction, but said nothing of it. Things had gone on when they were kidnapped, things the parents themselves may never know about.

Hiccup and Astrid had every right to react the way they were. There was no telling what had happened to them in that short period of time.

Stoick went to help Agnar move stuff around while Ingrid sat next to her daughter. She lay a hand over Astrid’s stomach who took on a sad look within her facial expression.

  
Hiccup was hesitant as he looked at Ingrid’s hand, then he locked eyes with Astrid. They stared at each other for a second in some sort of silent conversation, before Astrid smiled, kissed him on the cheek causing him to blush, and looked down at her mother’s hand over her stomach.

  
Hiccup’s hands shook as he moved, but he slowly placed his hand on Astrid’s stomach just above Ingrid’s hand. He then wrapped his free right arm around Astrid’s shoulders, laying his forehead on her shoulder and closing his eyes with his hand still resting on her stomach where the tiniest baby was growing, too small to see without a microscope, but there nonetheless.

Tears glazed over Astrid’s eyes. She was indeed in denial about the baby, so having Hiccup and her mother protectively hold her pregnant form made her overly emotional for reasons unknown. She wasn’t normally the emotional type, never one to cry without very good reason, like if one of her friends was being hurt-or in recent cases, her boyfriend-but this was something that struck a cord deep within.

With a deep sigh that made her shoulders shake, Astrid let her head fall lax so it was leaning on Hiccup’s head. Her eyes were closed and she managed to keep the tears hidden by ignoring her emotions all together, just letting herself relax for the first time in weeks.

“I’m here for you.” Astrid whispered. Somehow Hiccup knew she was talking about their previous conversation.

They were both denying the pain they were going through, but would help each other regardless. 

“I’m here for you too.”

Ingrid left the two to have their own space, smiling at her daughter with hidden tears of her own. She went to set the table while Stoick and Agnar went outside the back door to speak of their work and living situation now that the Hoffersons would be staying in the Haddock household for a little while. Stoick didn’t mind of course, having plenty enough a big house, but Agnar still wanted to make sure he and his wife knew the boundaries that were in place if there were any.

With their parents working on their own things, Hiccup and Astrid simply rested together. They weren’t tired enough to fall asleep, but were simply content enough to hold each other and listen to the sounds of the world.

Anywhere that wasn’t Jera’s basement was easy to relax in comparison to where they’d been before.


	5. I'll tell someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup is battling with phantom sensations and pain while relieving himself after the events that took place with Gale and Jera. He has [Detailed*] flashbacks of the night Gale used him, and comes to realize said actions are affecting him even though he's safe now. Astrid learns just how much he's being affected, but it is obvious Hiccup wants to worry more about her than he wants to focus on his own problems.

The teenage boy was still having a hard time with everything that had happened. At first he’d tried simply ignoring all of it, knowing he was safe now and home, which was all that really mattered. Well that and the fact that Astrid was home too.

But nightmares had begun plaguing his nights, and he was waking up in pain after the ordeals that had happened.

As Hiccup continued flicking through the next chapters of the ebooks he was reading on his phone while he lay on his average-sized bed with the brown, old-fashioned covers strewn over the floor nearby, a flashback flooded a portion of his vision, making his breath hitch in his own throat.

**A few weeks ago in Jera’s basement**

_ Hiccup and Astrid were confused when they saw Gale come downstairs for the first time without Jera nearby. He held a pair of metal handcuffs in one hand and had some sort of weird rubber object strapped to his belt. _

_ The teens had been separated the last time Jera had left them, legs tied to the walls across from each other and mouths gagged with thick straps of leather. _

_ At first, Hiccup thought Gale was going to go for Astrid since Jera wasn’t there to tell him not too. As an immediate result he shouted into his gag and tried to pull his legs away from the wall, only to pull something in his one calve muscle and have to catch himself with his forearms before his face could hit the floor. A groan of pain escaped his mouth as his leg throbbed. _

_ Astrid screamed for her boyfriend when he hurt himself, thinking he’d done more damage than what was visible, but she went silent when she saw Gale move closer to the younger male with a wicked look on his face. _

_ Knowing what was going to happen, Astrid ducked her head so her chin was touching her chest and silently sobbed, though she didn’t let tears fall. She’d ran out of those when Jera had forced her and Hiccup to have sex again in front of her. Of course Hiccup had been whipped many times for not complying for fear that he’d hurt her. They were both still naked. _

_ Hiccup opened his tired eyes, a little dazed from his fall, but was on full alert when he finally realized Gale was standing over him.  _

_ His eyes widened in fear for a split second, before Hiccup regained his composure and glared at the older man. If this was really going to happen, he wasn’t going to show Gale he was afraid. He was going to fight, to be angry, not scared or ashamed. No, he would never give the man who had hurt both Hiccup and his beloved time and time again with the help of his own girlfriend that kind of satisfaction. _

_ As expected really, Hiccup was pushed onto his stomach in a fast moment. Time seemed to freeze as he lay there shocked, wrists being handcuffed behind him with skilled practice. Hiccup knew from the times he’d seen Jera and Gale have sex in his and Astrid’s room that they did stuff like this with each other quite frequently.  _

_ When Gale untied Hiccup’s legs from the wall the Haddock teen tried to kick him in the shins. Of course his weak-from-lack-of-food-and-water limbs were easy to grab a hold of, and within seconds both of Gale’s knees were pinning down Hiccup’s right calve muscle and what was left of the flesh below his left knee. _

_ Hiccup seethed in rage as he felt Gale touch his backside, pressing the tip of that rubber object to his anal area. It didn’t hurt as bad as it might have any other day when he was penetrated, as Jera had been stimulating his prostate only an hour ago. _

_ Hiccup dared to look up at Astrid with sadness in his eyes, mouth still gagged. His girlfriend had tears glazing over her eyes but was too weak to cry. She shook her head, eyes locking with his in pure sorrow. Hiccup tried to shush her, tried to reassure her, but he couldn’t as a yell of pain escaped his gagged mouth when Gale pulled out the rubber object far too quickly, stretching his skin. _

_ Then, without the use of any kind of lubricant, Gale was penetrating him. He was slow at first, which Hiccup thanked the Gods for, but didn’t let his victim adjust before he was pleasing himself, moving quickly and grunting. _

_ Hiccup tried not to, but the tears fell freely as his anal area burned with each of Gale’s thrusts. He was thankful Gale didn’t touch his manhood in an attempt to please him as well like Jera had.  _

_ Hiccup wouldn’t watch Astrid like he had when Jera had done similar things to him. He didn’t want to look at her, didn’t want her to see  _ him _. He could hear her trying to get his attention, heard her sobs of pain for him, but wouldn’t look up. _

_ Being molested by a woman’s hands and being raped by another man were far different for him. Being taken like a woman by an older male who he didn’t want to be with damaged his confidence far worse, made him feel shameful, even with Astrid who had seen him go through other things like this. _

_ None of which were this _ painful.

_ When Gale had finally finished and uncuffed Hiccup’s wrists, the teen boy-in an instant flood of adrenaline and rage-tried to swing at him. He was immediately slammed into the wall. Gale kicked him in the stomach after he’d hit the floor, making him vomit in his own mouth but being forced to swallow it back down due to the gag. _

_ Once Gale had finally left the room Hiccup chanced a glance between his legs. On his right thigh was blood, and he realized how badly his insides were burning. He feared he’d get an infection, but couldn’t think too much about it before he’d fallen unconscious. _

**End of Flashback**

Hiccup didn’t realize he’d dropped his phone on the bed until he’d come to from the memory. He also didn’t realize he was crying until he tasted salt on his cheek when he licked his dry lips.

Making quick work of wiping the tears from his face, Hiccup left the room to use the bathroom which was down the hall past the living room. He didn’t care to put on his prosthetic leg, having much practice with hopping on his one leg with the help of the wall when he needed to go to the bathroom at night. His father had a dresser and two nightstands within a couple of feet of each other lining the walls of the living room specifically for cases like this, so when Hiccup got to the hallway he could just use the close-together walls.

Once Hiccup actually got to the bathroom he washed his face in the sink before actually relieving himself at the toilet. 

Going to the bathroom caused pain. Hiccup hadn’t been this sore in the hospital, but maybe that was the pain medications. He could feel the scabs within himself as he relieved himself, tears rolling down his face when he looked down and realized his manhood was an angry red, result of the things Jera had used on him. He still had a few marks from where she’d whipped him that bled occasionally, though those were near the base of him. His tip had been stretched slightly from other things that had happened, and on the nights he’d have nightmares or flashbacks he’d wake up to something similar to phantom pains which caused him to swell. 

He was erect, somehow the memories of what had happened causing his body to betray him. He hadn’t  _ liked  _ what had happened to him, but something about that rather vivid flashback combined with phantom sensations of Gale rubbing over his sensitive prostate over and over again made him grow hard against his will.

Hiccup felt like he was  _ still  _ being violated by the two of them. He couldn’t touch Astrid without fearing she’d be mad at him, couldn’t dream without having nightmares, couldn’t try to get through a memory of his capture without his own body betraying him like a foreign traitor, even after he was safe at home. 

It wasn’t  _ fair.  _

Hiccup let the tears fall now as he flushed the toilet and took a second to sit on the edge of the bathtub, too weak to stand on his own. 

He was normally so much stronger than this, a boy who’d refused to show his weaknesses since he was little, and was always trying to prove himself to the world, especially after he’d lost his left leg. When he’d started working and met Astrid, he’d found his own self confidence, and became even stronger as he began trying to prove his worth to  _ himself,  _ putting invention and art ideas to the test, refusing to cry unless he was in much pain, like during phantom-pain episodes. 

Now he just felt useless all over again.  _ This wasn’t him. _

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Hiccup cleared his throat, rubbed the tears from his face, and got a tad bit of water from the tub’s faucet to clean the redness from his eyes before answering a bit too loudly. 

“O-Occupied.”

There was a pause, then the sound of a hand coming in contact with the door forcefully. Hard, but not hard enough to be considered a hit or a punch. 

“I-It’s me. I want to talk to you.”

Hiccup’s eyes widened and he stood, catching himself on the wall before he could fall over thanks to being one leg down. He unlocked the door and hopped into the hallway, leaning against the wall and taking both of Astrid’s hands in his, hardly able to see her own tear-stained face in the darkness.

“How did you know I was in here?”

Astrid sighed and shook her head. 

“I was going to sit on the couch to watch TV since I couldn’t sleep and it’s only a couple of hours until sunrise. I-I heard you crying.”

Hiccup’s eyes widened in surprise. He didn’t know he’d been that loud.

“Did I wake your parents?” He asked with a high pitch to his voice. Astrid shook her head, smiling warmly at him through the darkness.

“They sleep like rocks. Your dad sleeps a few rooms down so he couldn’t have heard you. He’s not close enough.”

Hiccup sighed in relief, a shakiness in his breath as his chest constricted. It hurt to breathe. He was feeling overly anxious, on high alert. He hurt from crying. Hurt from simply using the bathroom. He tried to hide his pain, didn’t want to look weak in front of his girlfriend.

Of course, Astrid already knew he was hurting because she’d heard him _ crying _ .

“Does it still hurt where he touched you?”  _ Touch  _ was an understatement, but she didn’t want to use more descriptive words.

Hiccup sighed deeply, shrugging his shoulders. He wasn’t going to lie to her. They had seen everything that had happened to each other back there with Gale and Jera. He’d seen her penetrated by various rubber and buzzing toys Jera had, and she’d seen him raped, molested, and toyed with as well. 

Thor...they’d been forced to have sex with each other. He’d been forced to bed her with his aunt’s ex-friend  _ watching. _

If she hadn’t left him yet, he highly doubted this would phase her much.

“A little. Mostly at night, or when I use the restroom.” Hiccup leaned forward and kissed her forehead tenderly. When he pulled back he gazed at her worriedly.

“Do you hurt at all?”

Astrid shook her head, smiling warmly at him. “It hurt when it happened at first, but at least I was penetrated in the places that were natural to be touched. I wasn’t torn or anything so I’m not sore like you are. I’m not feeling the effects of pregnancy either, though I guess that’ll happen later on. After all I’m only about 3 or so weeks in.”

Astrid sighed deeply, leaned up so she could kiss him. Hiccup brought one hand up, leaning on the wall to support himself as he placed his hand on her cheek, holding her gently, like she was a delicate possession. 

They pulled apart, hardly able to see more than each other’s eyes due to the dim lighting in the hallway.

“I’m worried about you though. You weren’t in this much pain at the hospital. It’s like it’s getting worse with time.”

Hiccup smiled sadly at the worry in her voice. One part of him was honored she cared so much, the other sorrowful she had to worry so much about him at all. Upset that he was keeping her up at night.

“I think it’s because scabs are forming. The pain medication helped too.”

Astrid’s eyes widened as a thought came to mind and she placed both hands on his shoulders, mouth crooking upwards in a weak smile and voice almost a gasp because of the memories that were flooding her mind. Hiccup held her at the waist with both hands, trusting her to not let him fall. 

“Then you need to tell someone you’re hurting. Th-they can have a doctor prescribe you something Hiccup.” She looked up at him, eyes hopeful in the darkened hallway. “Please Hiccup. I don’t want to risk something happening to you again.”

He could tell she was having flashbacks just like him. The glazed look in her eyes, the fear in her features, Astrid was remembering all of the times she’d had to watch him be put through pain. Hence the ‘again’ she’d let slip there.

Deciding not to worry her further, he gave her the shortest, most reasonable answer. 

“I’ll talk to someone about it. Just let me get it all through my own head before I go trying to explain what I’m feeling to someone else.”

If Astrid wasn’t so tired she would’ve argued. Instead she let him slide, nodded her head in agreement. At least he wasn’t saying ‘no’.

Slowly but surely, Astrid helped Hiccup back to the couch. Instead of going back to their rooms, they both turned the TV on the news with the volume down and simply fell back to sleep in each other’s arms, Hiccup’s head in Astrid’s lap, his cheek pressed to her belly, and Astrid laying back with one hand holding his and the other laying over his heart, telling her he was there with her. His heart was beating, and he was alive.

He was okay.


	6. Let It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During their first counseling appointment, Hiccup and Astrid request to have their appointments at the same time, with the same person, in the same room. Stoick and Agnar are there, along with the new counselor, Linda. When a rather curve-ball of a question is asked, Astrid promises to admit what Jera did to her, but only if Hiccup will also let someone know what Gale did to him.

A week went by before Hiccup and Astrid were scheduled for a counseling appointment. Astrid insisted that she wanted them to go together because they’d been through everything that had happened to them together. The counselor didn’t mind and let them schedule their appointments at the same time.

The car drive to the counselor’s office was a silent one, Hiccup and Astrid sitting next to each other in Stoick’s back seat while Stoick drove and Agnar rode in the passenger’s seat, Ingrid at work for the day.

The drive took about twenty minutes, but the teens and adults eventually pulled into the parking lot of the small brown building with stained glass art in the windows, one being a cupid design, the other a pair of hearts. There was also a blue bench at the front with butterflies painted on it.

“They really try to keep this place looking bright despite all of the stuff that happens here.” Astrid mumbled, clinging to Hiccup’s hand like it was her lifeline. Hiccup-admittedly trying not to hiss in pain at her tight grip and his own lack of circulation-simply nodded his head in agreement, auburn bangs falling into his face a little.

The four walked through the single glass door and into the main room of the counselor’s office. There were two younger kids there already with their parents, obviously there to see different counselors than Hiccup and Astrid.

“Can I help you?” A younger, shorter woman with red hair and lime-green rimmed glasses asked Agnar when he approached the sliding window separating the main room from the spot behind the counter.

“We’re here for Hiccup Haddock and Astrid Hofferson’s appointments.”

The woman behind the counter nodded her head and began typing on her computer, opening a main screen and clicking on a folder.

“Birth dates? They’re seeing the same person correct?”

Agnar nodded his head at the second question and Stoick answered the first one quickly, if slightly impatiently. 

“February 29th 2004 and April 2nd 2004.”

The woman behind the counter sighed deeply at Stoick’s impatient tone but smiled nonetheless. 

“Linda is with another patient right now. You’re scheduled to see her in five minutes from now. Do to some, backup you should be seeing her closer to 4:15 rather than 4:00. She’ll come through that door…” She pointed towards a brown door next to the gap in the hallway leading to the bathrooms with the back of her red pen.

“...to get you in a moment. I am sending her a message right now to let her know you are here. You may take a seat in the lobby and feel free to get a cup of water if need be. I’ll have each of you fill out one of the forms on the counter there since you are the legal guardians of Hiccup and Astrid.”

Stoick and Agnar obliged with the woman’s instructions, grabbing a form each as they went to sit down in the grey, leather chairs. Stoick sat with Hiccup on his right, and Astrid was on her father’s left three seats down from Hiccup’s right.

The two adults both had to ask their children questions which needed to be filled out on the forms, some of them uncomfortable but necessary.

**Stoick and Hiccup**

Hiccup tapped his fingers against his knees as his father showed him the form, trying to let his son participate in his own treatment, even if it was only paperwork. He looked at the form, spare pen in hand while the paper was on a clipboard.

Hiccup looked around at the scenery spotting a painting of a starfish. He got lost in the colors of the sunset before his father pulled him out of his thoughts with a tap on the shoulder and a question.

“These are just yes and no questions. I just have to check the boxes. Then we’ll move onto the more detailed ones. I want to get your answers even if I think I know what you’re going to say.”

Hiccup raised an eyebrow at his father, slightly confused. Stoick was usually a do-it-and-get-it-done kind of man. He wasn’t one to ask his son’s every opinion on the answers to a piece of paperwork.

“Why don’t you just check it off? It would go faster that way and we want to get in to see the counselor on time.”

Stoick shook his head, laying a large hand on Hiccup’s thigh in a comforting gesture. He was slightly surprised when Hiccup jerked a bit in his seat, hands gripping the arms of his chair tightly. Stoick immediately pulled back, laying a hand on Hiccup’s shoulder instead, who acted like nothing had even happened.

“This is different, son. This is an important matter that can change parts of your future. We need to work together on this Hiccup. We can’t be distant to each other. I don’t want anything like what happened before, to happen again.”

Hiccup locked eyes with his father, forest greens wide with surprise, but also holding warmth. He’d never seen this side of his father before. Not since he’d lost his leg and Stoick had become an overprotective bear for a while there.

“Okay. I’ll answer the questions honestly then.”

Stoick smiled at his son being oddly cooperative for once, but decided to blame this softer side of Hiccup on the incidents that had happened recently. He wasn’t going to hold any of it against him of course. Their relationship had always been a little strained, much more so before Hiccup had lost his leg, so maybe this could prove useful, this time together and trust.

Trust had to be earned, of course. Stoick knew his son was hiding things from him but didn’t want to push so soon. Not after Hiccup had just gotten out of the hospital.

“Okay. I’ll just list a few off at a time, and you can tell me if you need me to stop to think. Remember, ‘yes’ or ‘no’ is all you have to say.”

Stoick sighed, brushing his hand over his own face, feeling stressed. He wasn’t used to this, being so conversational and  _ careful  _ with his son’s emotions. He knew Hiccup would easily put on a brave face if asked, but the doctors told him not to let Hiccup do such things. Told him to get Hiccup to let things out. The boy was so tense and stressed, breath hitching at the slightest touches in the hospital. It was obvious he was hiding something that was seriously bothering him. 

“Here’s the first three. Have you ever been suicidal? Have you ever been homicidal? And have you ever gotten into trouble with authority figures?”

Hiccup’s brows knitted together as he thought, then he shook his head ‘no’ to all three of the questions. Stoick nodded with a deep, slightly relieved sigh, before he continued.

“Have you ever engaged in self harmful behavior? Have you ever sexually acted out in anger or sadness?”

Hiccup was hesitant with this one. His father already knew the answers, but was asking him anyways just to make sure he had everything right.

“Yes to the first one. No to the second.” Hiccup looked at his hands, anger and sadness flashing through his eyes at the same time. He’d never interacted sexually  _ at all  _ until he’d been forced to. Let alone sexually acted out.

Stoick caught the look in his son’s eyes and decided to continue quickly.

“Only three more left. Have you ever consumed drugs or alcohol? Have you ever smoked? Do you feel safe in your home environment?”

“No, no, and yes.” Hiccup answered simply, still caught up in a memory he couldn’t seem to get out of. Stoick nodded his head with yet another stressed sigh, leaving his son be while he filled out the part of the form concerning medical records including past mental illnesses in the family line.

**Agnar and Astrid**

Agnar had answered most of the questions for Astrid, trying to get things done quickly. He’d asked her for a second opinion on the consumption of drugs or alcohol, which Astrid answered no to. She admitted to having smoked before, but said she didn’t smoke anymore. Hadn’t since she was 14. She said no to the self harm, which was true. 

“Do you feel safe in your home environment?” Astrid bit her bottom lip when the question was suddenly asked.

“You know the answer to that one dad. Why didn’t you just write it down?” Agnar shrugged his shoulders, checking the box for ‘yes’. He then proceeded to finish the medical questions on the back and turned the papers into the front desk just as Linda called for them.

The four weaved through two hallways with many doors lining the walls before they got to their own room. The room was small, two plastic chairs for Stoick and Agnar and a couch which they let Astrid and Hiccup sit on. Linda-a tall, thin woman with blonde hair, hazel eyes, and long sleeved black clothes with lace at the front of her shirt along with green slip on shoes-sat on a chair that seemed like an exercise ball built into a stool and given a back. 

There were many paintings from different patients around, two clocks-one with cartoon characters on it-a bookshelf with different psychology books, a black shelf with different plastic and rubber stress toys on it, and a shelf up near the roof consisting of game boards and a desk lamp with a burned light bulb in it.

“I’m Linda. You don’t have to be formal with the names.” She reached out and shook each of their hands before reaching for a drawer in her desk and pulling out two vanilla files. 

“I know you already filled out forms, but I wanted Hiccup and Astrid to give me their own description as to why they are here. I promise every time won’t be like this. I just need to fill out the paperwork this first time. You will be able to come without your parents later on as well.”

Hiccup and Astrid looked at each other, still holding hands, then looked at Linda with a hesitant nod of their heads.

“I’ll start I guess.” Astrid began, taking a deep breath and looking saddened or ashamed. Hiccup squeezed her hand tighter, letting her know she could pass it off to him anytime she wanted to.

Astrid didn’t want to. She wanted to do this. She wasn’t going to let Jera and Gale control her emotions like this, make her afraid even when they weren’t here. She was going to talk about what she wanted, and wasn’t going to be scared to do so.

“The doctors at the hospital suggested we come see you after we were rescued from Hiccup’s aunt’s ex-friend and her boyfriend. They beat us up and...well, they forced us to have sex if you want it bluntly. I’m bearing Hiccup’s child as a result. The doctors figured the emotional stress of that would make us need to talk to someone other than our parents.”

Linda nodded her head, smiling warmly and writing stuff down on a blank piece of paper within the file. She then looked at Hiccup, nodding encouragingly for him to continue.

“Oh! Well I uh…” He scratched the back of his neck, a nervous tick of his. He then grabbed Astrid’s hand again who squeezed his back, telling him he was allowed to say what he wanted without her getting upset.

“Well, Astrid pretty much hit the nail on the head. When I was younger, Jera had this weird fascination with children, pretty much a pervert.” There was that sassy, sarcastic tone again to hide the crack in his voice, but no one scolded him for it.

“Her boyfriend would harass my cousin and I-th-though nothing physical ever happened of course. Years later she was after us and kidnapped us. Everything afterwards was exactly as she said it.”

Linda wrote down more words on her page, making a few bullet points as well. She then looked at the two, a kind, warm look in her eyes. At the same time, she seemed slightly hesitant, but was good at hiding it. 

“You’ve given me the backstory, but you haven’t told me why you personally want to see me. How is what happened affecting you  _ now _ ?”

Both Hiccup and Astrid tensed, not expecting such a question to come so quickly. They both looked away sheepishly, Astrid balling her fists and Hiccup tapping his prosthetic against the floor. Agnar and Stoick watched intently, not wanting to interrupt or scare their children into thinking they couldn’t speak by saying something themselves.

“Well...I guess it’s affecting us in the ways that would be expected. I’ve been having nightmares...and have been more sensitive to touch. I’ve been scared I’m going to hurt her even though I know I’m not doing anything wrong.” Hiccup had a distant look in his eyes, fear shining there as he was partially stuck in a memory. Astrid was no better, clinging to his arm with such a tight grip it hurt. There was more anger and aggression in her eyes than fear though. She wanted to kill Gale for what he had done to Hiccup. 

“He’s right. I’ve been having nightmares too. I’m not afraid that I might hurt him, but I’m scared someone  _ else  _ might hurt him even though it’s completely illogical.”

Agnar leaned forward in his seat, elbows on his knees as he looked at his daughter worriedly.

“Who do you think will hurt him?” Linda raised a hand, telling him to wait for Astrid to finish first, but Astrid herself shook her head with a small smile, knowing her father well and knowing he was going to be an expressive man even here. Agnar was a calm gentleman in the outside world, always helping widowed women with their yard work, babysitting, or building stuff like benches and baby cradles for the neighbors.

When it came to his only child, his daughter at that, he was quick, anxious, and straight to the point. Being a discharged veteran and having seen so many of his friends die-as Berk was at war with many vicious people-he was overprotective, and easily got spooked if his wife or his daughter did something as simple as getting home later than they said they would be, though he never acted out angrily as a result like she’d seen other men with PTSD and Anxiety do.

“I don’t know honestly. I  _ know  _ Gale and Jera have been arrested. I  _ know  _ they can’t hurt either of us. I think the nightmares are just making me paranoid.”

Linda smiled warmly at Astrid’s confidence and wrote everything down. She asked more questions, most of them about medical history like the ones on the form. Finally, as Hiccup and Astrid were both dozing slightly because their parents were answering so many boring questions, Linda asked them something that took them both off guard.

“I’m asking this more for emotional understanding than physical because I know the hospital already tested you. I want you to answer honestly, but remember you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to. Please don’t lie to us, but you can say if you want to skip this next question.”

Linda took a breath, asking the actual curve ball itself with a kind, understanding look to her hazel orbs.

“You said you were forced to have inercourse. Were either of you assaulted by someone else though?” 

The teens didn’t answer for a few moments, then Astrid opened her mouth to speak.

“I’ll tell you the truth if Hiccup promises to as well.”

Hiccup’s eyes widened and he looked at Astrid in fear, shaking his head, asking her to stop pushing. 

She wasn’t going to stop though. She wasn’t doing this to hurt him. She was doing this because she didn’t  _ want him to hurt.  _ She needed  _ someone  _ to know in case he got sick, emotionally or physically.

Finally, after a staring contest with defiance in both of their eyes, Hiccup pulled his gaze away and shook his head in disbelief, sadness taking over his expression. 

“Fine.”

A part of Astrid had wanted him to say ‘no’ so she didn’t have to answer herself, but she quickly shoved the selfish thought away, knowing this was the best thing to do.

She wished it was her mom here and not her dad.

Eyes locking with Agnar instead of looking at Linda, Astrid spoke as if he was the only other person in the room. 

“Don’t be mad at them dad. I don’t want you to spend your time hating them while they’re in jail already.” Tears sprung to her eyes but she dared not let them fall. Agnar moved his chair so he could take one of her hands in his, comforting his daughter.

“Gale touched me, yeah, but Jera wouldn’t let him  _ do  _ anything to me because I was another girl. She used objects on me though. She took me with those objects as if she was a man. It was so much worse than when she’d made Hiccup do it with me. It hurt more.”

Agnar had tears in his eyes as well, though didn’t let them free because he had to be strong for his daughter. Astrid let two of her own fall, feeling like it was okay to show weakness because her father was. She started moving as if she was about to hug him, then she sucked in an angry breath and punched the pillow nearby instead, moving back so she could throw herself into Hiccup’s arms who was shocked but returned the embrace once his brain realized she was seeking comfort from him. 

“I hated it. I hated  _ her.  _ She hurt you and I couldn’t do anything about it. She hurt  _ both of us.  _ I wish she was dead.” Astrid was seething now, not understanding where all of this sudden anger came from. Perhaps it was all of the times she’d wanted to hurt Jera but was unable to because it would get Hiccup hurt built up and finally flooding over.

Linda sighed deeply, checking a few boxes on a piece of paper before handing a tissue to Astrid. The teen took it, not realizing she was crying until she wiped her nose. Hiccup held her tightly, eyes suddenly very tired, everything going on too heavy for his shoulders while he was already dealing with everything else he had to get through.

“You go now.” Astrid mumbled, calming down after her sudden emotional fit. She blamed it on the weather, the new environment, even the pregnancy. She refused to believe she was just being emotional and soft without very good reason.

Hiccup tensed, still holding her. He shook his head, looking down, and let out a deep sigh. His mouth opened and closed a few times like a gaping fish before he finally let the words out. 

“Alright. I’m a man of my word.” He took in another deep breath, looking at his father with tears of sadness and shame in his eyes, before he looked away and refused to make eye contact with any of the three adults. Instead he just stared at the books on the bookshelf as he spoke-well, more like whispered.

“Jera got handsy, using objects on me like she had with Astrid.” Anger flooded over him as the memory of watching Astrid used by the woman made him seeth. He quickly composed himself, not wanting to upset Astrid any further than she was.

Speaking of which, Astrid was looking up at him with wide eyes, watching him expectantly. He knew what she wanted him to say.

“I...I don’t know how to…” Hiccup bit his lips, holding Astrid tighter who was now resting her right ear on his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair to comfort her and himself. 

“Alright. I-I’m sorry I just...Gale...Gale used me. He...h-he r-raped me with Jera watching. He didn’t wait, didn’t go slow, and didn’t use any kind of preparation except for the first time. I’ve...I’ve been having pain at night ever since because of it.”

Hiccup looked up at his dad, two tears now on his cheeks. Another fell, then another, before he ducked his head and put his face in his palms to prevent himself from crying anymore.

“I didn’t like a single second of it. I  _ hated  _ being taken like a woman. It was humiliating.” Hiccup’s now slightly angry voice was muffled by his hands, but the adults could still hear it.

Without really thinking, Stoick stood and walked closer to the couch. He placed both hands on Hiccup’s shoulders, making the boy look up. Astrid backed away slightly so she wasn’t in the way and watched as Hiccup allowed his father to loosely hug him.

“I know.” Was all Stoick said in a thick voice, before he moved back and sat in his own chair, not really understanding how to process this new information.

Linda didn’t speak too much more about that specific topic, mostly just talking about ways to prevent Hiccup from falling back into self harm and giving the teens a few papers on how to handle teen pregnancy. Within an hour the appointment was over, and the car ride home was silent, just like the one there.

Hiccup and Astrid went to their own rooms to take a nap as soon as they got home, exhausted from the ordeal of letting out such painful details to their parents and a complete stranger.


	7. Hurting to the Core

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly just a fill in with character backstory and career details, though some foreshadowing and additions to the conflicts Hiccup is feeling deep within himself, not knowing quite what is wrong with himself and therefor not wanting to share his secret worries with his father or Astrid.

Much time was spent discussing the decision which would be made, but after Stoick insisted and Agnar along with his wife were torn between typical moral behavior and what would be best for their daughter, it was decided that Astrid and her parents would be staying at the large Haddock household until the baby was born. This was done mostly because only Hiccup and Astrid knew exactly what their significant other went through.

Ingrid would be staying evenings and nights at her own home because she had to work at the hospital in the early mornings, though Agnar-being the boss of his own career-was going to stay at home to watch the teens while Stoick was gone.

Now that two weeks and five days had passed since the teens were rescued, the possibility of going back to public school was spoken of.

Astrid didn’t want to go to school because she didn’t want her friends to know she was pregnant when she started showing. As of the moment there wasn’t even a bump, but that was because she was only close to 5 weeks in. She was getting headaches which her mother apparently had early in pregnancy as well, but no nausea. Hiccup said he wanted to be at home with her, and honestly also didn’t want to be around so many people due to the nightmares he was still plagued by at night.

After hearing the whole story about what had really happened with Jera and Gale at the therapist’s office, Stoick didn’t have a problem with his son doing school online. Astrid would be participating in the same program. At first the adults wanted them to go back to school the following year, but after the topic was brought up that Hiccup and Astrid only had their Junior and Senior years to go, they decided on going for their equivalence diplomas instead.

As Hiccup worked on his computer to catch up with his grade’s curriculum, Astrid was studying her own books she got from the library. She was going to wait a little bit to start her schooling, being the prepared woman she was and wanting to study before actually getting on the computer.

Hiccup on the other hand wanted to get things done and get them over with so he was definitely going to have the usual breaks off so he could still work his own part time Job as an apprentice blacksmith on weekends. Gobber-his godfather who ran a forge and bar at the same time-was giving him a few weeks to catch up on his studies before having him come back in for work.

“You’re doing alright with the textbooks?” Hiccup asked his girlfriend from his spot at the dinner table where he was doing his own work on his laptop.

Astrid herself was sitting cross legged on the red-cushioned couch with a pencil between her teeth and geometry textbook in her lap.

“I feel like at school I was spending so much time in sports and running the band room, I didn’t ever actually retain any of this stuff. No wonder I was making C’s.”

Hiccup smiled warmly at seeing Astrid’s frustrated pout. He stood up and walked to the couch, limping slightly as his leg always tended to give him trouble when it was around that time they got all of the cold fronts of Devastating Winter. Hiccup pushed his brown hair out of his eyes and sat down next to her, taking her right hand in his.

“I need to study.” Astrid said in mock-sass, trying to suppress a smile when he kissed the back of her ear.

“I know. I just wanted to tell you not to beat yourself up. You’re the smartest girl I know.” Astrid smiled brighter at that, opening her mouth a little to allow Hiccup to pull the pencil from between her teeth. He placed said pencil in her hand, curling her fingers around it and angling the tip of it so she looked like she was about to write something.

“Just try to re-word the questions in your head and keep that confidence in yourself. You’ll do just fine.” Hiccup said this as he stood up to go back to the table. Just as he was about to sit down, he heard Astrid call for him. 

“Hey Hiccup!” Her boyfriend turned around, forest green eyes gazing into hers with sincere emotion. She felt her own heart squeeze and placed a hand over it. 

Rather than letting her emotions overflow like some might, Astrid simply winked at Hiccup as she spoke. “Thank you.” She then placed the pencil back between her teeth, looking down to force all of her concentration into her textbook. 

Hiccup sighed, smiling while shaking his head. He was glad Astrid was becoming her rough, rugged, sincere, confident self again. The past couple of weeks she’d been more reliant on others and crying more. He didn’t mind this other side of her of course, but he liked it better when she was being herself, the Astrid he fell in love with. 

And he mostly just hated seeing her cry.

With the image of Astrid’s confident gleam in her facial details fresh on his mind, and taking his own advice to heart, Hiccup continued doing his work on the computer, getting through three different lessons before his father came home with take out dinner, saying Ingrid was already at home getting ready for her own work in the morning.

Astrid had fallen asleep on the couch while studying and Hiccup was overworking himself by trying to get through as many lessons as he could so he would have plenty of time to work later. By the time his dad came up to him to lay a beefy hand on his shoulder, he had finished four lessons in his Mathematical subjects, Biology, and History along with three lessons in his Reading, Language Arts/Spelling, Foreign Language (Norwegian was his choice since it was a regularly spoken language in Berk next to icelandic), and a mix of extra crediting classes which consisted of Architectural sciences, Cartography, and art. 

“Hey dad.” Hiccup didn’t look at his dad when he spoke, finally shutting his computer and pulling his ear buds out of his ears. In two days the weekend started so he wanted as much time off as he could get so that he could work Saturday and Sunday evening with Gobber. The blacksmith never really cared what hours he worked as it was a small business. Hiccup was mostly his fill in at the forge when Gobber was manning the bar on weekends because someone had called in sick or just didn’t want to work that Sunday for religious or family reasons. Other times he worked were just cleaning and stocking shelves with new decorative items and weapons. 

In some places, a man was identified by the kind of car he had. On Berk, it was what weapon you wore over your shoulder or hung on your wall.

Hiccup worked minimum wage and then some, earning $9.15 an hour around 11-19 hours a week, but he was managing. His father-as said before-was a rather wealthy man. Hiccup was mostly in Gobber’s business so he could take over one day, being his own boss and always having somewhere to go if for some reason his father’s business went downhill. 

Hence Hiccup wasn’t too worried about he and Astrid not having enough supplies for their child. He was his father’s first and only heir. He would be inheriting the money and the land one day. They were extremely lucky compared to other teen parents. Stoick was a chief over his own job.

Still, Hiccup wanted to work his own job and pursue his own career until he would one day take over his father’s place as his heir when Stoick was no longer capable of working. He’d thought about the idea a lot, and had always practiced business etiquette and multitasking in school so he could take over as both a blacksmith/bar owner and a head of a huge operation such as Stoick’s one day at the same time. Of course he’d have to find someone else to manage the bar, and he was slightly torn between his own girlfriend and his cousin Snotlout because he was blood. If they were married it would no doubt be Astrid as the first choice, but then again she’d probably be helping  _ him  _ with his father’s job. 

Stoick’s business was a big one, a series of small weapon stores all over The Archipelago (which was really a group of three large islands that were almost connected, many cities and towns nicknamed ‘inland islands’ do to their tourist attractions filling said islands) a section of the main building which developed ways to house the homeless, a portion of said stores being filled with men who were taught by Stoick and Gobber themselves to fix weapons and vehicles, and finally the section of the business that actually housed the people they taught, as a lot of them were from foreign countries or were troubled teens looking for a job, a home, and a teacher.

It was Gobber and Stoick’s dream to find their own people, and take care of them so they could one day live on their own. The business was paid mainly by donations, but also received payments from the clients who had the money to pay-which went to Stoick and his employee’s food and bills, or the housing for the teens-and were paid by certain organizations for housing the homeless so there weren’t so many people on the streets preventing their own work.

All in all, the business was worth well over a billion dollars, though Stoick’s own retirement and current net worth was only around a few hundred thousand. Combine that with Gobber’s business , and Hiccup would be set for life and more if he was to take over them both.

Though, that was a conversation for another time. Right now he had more important things to deal with. Like his studies, and his pregnant girlfriend.

“Evening son. Have you been working all day?” Hiccup shrugged his shoulders, smiling slightly at his father. He flinched when Stoick brought a hand up to ruffle his hair like he usually did, an honest reflex. Stoick pulled away instead.

_ What’s wrong with me? It’s been two weeks. I’m fine now.  _ Hiccup thought to himself bitterly. He still held the half-fake smile.

“I took Skullcrusher (their brown, black, and something resembling a camo colored mutt which had the size and body shape-minus the rounded, plump head and sharper snout-of a Retriever breed) outside a few hours ago so he could run after the squirrels, and I made lunch for Astrid and I before she fell asleep. So...I guess I  _ did  _ take breaks, just not long ones.”

Stoick sighed and shook his head, smiling at his son playfully.

“Keep overworking yourself like that and you’ll be skipping grades. I might just have to put a time limit on that computer of yours.”

Hiccup’s cheeks puffed out a little as he blew out of his nose in frustration, making his nostrils flare. He rolled his eyes slightly and turned back to his journal where he continued working on a doodle he’d started a couple of hours ago while watching a study-related video the lesson made him study.

“I’m not a little kid anymore dad.” Stoick laughed light-heartedly and went to the kitchen counter to unpack the take-out food. One was a box of a half-full-meat pizza half-pepperoni pizza, two boxes were full of noodles from a Chinese restaurant Hiccup personally  _ adored _ , and there were two 2-Liters of Fanta and Coca-Cola from the dollar store.

“You’re still a kid until you’re eighteen, and you can’t drink until you’re 20.”

“Twenty One, actually. Do we  _ need  _ that much food? It’s only one dinner!”

Stoick let out another booming laugh, before pointing a finger at his son and making a fake-serious face. 

“We can use the leftovers. Thor knows you need more weight on those bones of yours.”

Hiccup rolled his eyes for the second time that night.

“And the jokes about my weight continue. Thanks dad!” He shouted sarcastically after mumbling to himself. Stoick waved him off, not listening to a single word as he prepared a dish for everyone. Agnar came in the back door from where he had been playing outside with Skullcrusher, and smiled brightly when he saw the variety of food and sodas. 

Now, he was not an unfit man by any means. Quite the build after he’d started working out again when he learned how to walk with his injury earned during the war, and a healthy weight for his age (39 years old) and height. Still, every Hofferson man loved a good take-out meal every now and again. Full fledged sodas, pizza or chicken, sometimes the odd mix of noodles Hiccup liked for reasons unknown, and a good spot on the couch before the movie was turned on. 

Then he’d be at the gym two days later working on his arm strength so he could practice more archery and ax-throwing sports. Yep, typical Hofferson, just like his daughter.

Hiccup left his spot at the table to wake Astrid. He placed a hand on her shoulder, and was quick to grab her wrists when she tried to punch him in reflex. He shushed and calmed her, laughing when Astrid came to and realized who she was fighting, blushing in embarrassment.

“Why are you always expecting a fight when someone wakes you?” Hiccup asked with a chuckle to his voice. Astrid shrugged her shoulders, standing on the couch with some unknown energy so she could wrap her legs around his shoulders and pull them both to the carpeted floor. 

Hiccup yelled in surprise as he was brought down, tried fighting his way out of her tight grip so she couldn’t continue her attack. Laughing evilly, Astrid threw herself on top of him, linking her leg around his knees and using her free knee to hold his hand down. She then grabbed his free arm, tugged him upwards so she could turn him just enough to hold him in a sideways chokehold where she then proceeded to mess up his hair with her fists.

Hiccup-almost unable to breath because his body was twisted like he was some extortionist-tried to shout for help to no avail.

“Dad! Agnar! Help...me!” He gasped out, finally able to pull out of Astrid’s choke hold so he could force his body on top of hers. Of course Astrid did a backbend, pushed him away with her feet so she could stand up a few feet away from him. She let out a battle cry as she tackled him onto the couch, hugging him from behind and keeping him there with his arms pinned to his sides.

“Careful with him Astrid. You might break something.” Agnar shouted with some amusement in his voice. Stoick was smiling too and Hiccup glared at him. 

Pouting as if her father had just told her to be careful with her favorite toy, Astrid shrugged her shoulders and stood up as if nothing had ever happened, one hand on her left hip like she always did. 

Hiccup smiled warmly at her and rubbed his sore arms. He sure did hope she didn’t act like this when the baby was showing from her womb with thinner layers of fat and skin protecting it. 

At least that’s how he thought it would’ve worked. He wasn’t too knowledgeable on the whole subject.

Then again, Astrid had  _ always  _ been this way. Hiccup knew it would be hard for her to change, but eventually she’d have to when her body just simply couldn’t handle the roughness anymore.

Of course Astrid managed to get to the table before him, already biting into a piece of pizza and cleaning her glass of coffee within a couple of minutes. As Hiccup thought about it, he decided he’d talk to Ingrid about what kind of diet changes a pregnant teen would need to make, knowing Astrid wasn’t going to because she didn’t like asking anyone for help, always one to just do her own thing. That, and the fact that she was in denial about the baby in general. 

Hiccup himself decided to simply put a spoon full of noodles on his plate with a cup of water nearby. He still had a hard time eating due to the uneasy feeling that plagued his nerves day and night, making him feel nauseous and weak.

Stoick saw his son grabbing so little food. He was planning on getting a doctor’s appointment to check his weight and make sure everything was normal. Hiccup was growing abnormally thin, always one to lose weight quite quickly after a day or so of eating too little. When he was a baby he’d almost been put on a feeding tube, and when he was around seven years old his pediatrician had to have him drink special shakes and eat more meat. Once the boy grew into a teen he managed his weight easier, but when he was nervous or sickly he visibly grew thinner, his expression pale if he didn’t eat enough before bed.

Right now though, he didn’t want to pressure Hiccup too much after the boy had just given him so many of his secrets to carry only a few days ago. Still, it didn’t hurt to offer some encouragement.

“Is that all you’re eating Hiccup? I got two boxes so you don’t have to worry about there not being enough for everyone else.”

Hiccup smiled warmly, feeling soothed by his father’s rare concern and knowing  _ exactly  _ what Stoick was  _ really  _ trying to say.

Without uttering a word, Hiccup got a piece of stick-bread which came with the pizza and a small cup of dipping sauce to eat with his noodles. He didn’t want his father to worry. So much had happened already.

Satisfied, Stoick continued eating his own four pieces of pizza and noodles. Agnar ate one piece with a cup of coffee like Astrid, on edge just like Hiccup was because he was constantly worrying about his daughter.

How could one not worry with young Astrid Hofferson already a little more than a month into her pregnancy? Then there was also a worry for both teens’ traumatized minds, though of course Hiccup and Astrid would never admit their inner conflicts with themselves out loud. 

“I’m going to grab a shower.” Hiccup mumbled as he set down his fork, done eating before anyone else and leaving only half of his plate empty. 

Astrid reached out her hand to tell him something along the lines of encouragement to stay at the table with them, but before she could get anything out Hiccup had already closed his bedroom door as he searched for pajamas, coming out of the room a whole five minutes later. He seemed to have some clouded look in his eyes, though no one said anything about it.

She couldn’t figure out what could be wrong with him, but Astrid knew he was constantly bothered by that short period of a few weeks, memories hurting him to his core. 

She suffered the same thing, even though it had been a few weeks and she knew she was safe now.


	8. What Hurts?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup starts showing signs of being affected by pain during night hours. Stoick tries to help him, but decides against pushing. Astrid grows anxious of sleeping in her own room, and so instead takes to sleeping on the couch with the TV on. Slightly short chapter, not as long as the previous ones.

_ His back burned unbearably as Jera poured some sort of creamy lotion-like substance over his swollen welts. He was on his hands and knees, hovering over Astrid while her legs locked around his waist, holding him in place. Tears were running down his face once more and he was panting as the ‘toy’ from before buzzed within him, keeping him aroused against his will. _

_ “Okay! Okay...I-I won’t stop him. Just...let him go Jera. Please.” _

_ Jera smirked, hands trailing across one of the reopened wounds on his backside, causing Hiccup to hiss in pain. _

_ Astrid opened her legs, allowing Hiccup to enter her. She’d used her own hand to make her body lubricate her opening, feeling shameful for doing that in front of other people but knowing she couldn’t disobey Jera’s orders without Hiccup paying the price. _

_ Her hands were tied above her head and attached to the wall. She was wearing a brown crop-top for the hidden cameras in the wall with her hair braided too tightly. She wore nothing on her lower half, as usual. _

_ Hiccup hissed even more as he entered her. He was overwhelmed by pain and pleasure at the same time, his manhood a dark red because of the abuse it took at the hands of Jera. He stopped for a few moments so he didn’t lose control, until Jera slapped his left thigh, telling him to move faster. _

_ Astrid closed her eyes, trying to tune everything in the world out, ignoring pain and pleasure all together. Hiccup’s right leg burned because he had to support himself on it, his left leg lacking his usual prosthetic.  _

_ Everything hurt, actually. He wouldn’t admit that out loud to their capture. He wouldn’t be weak. He had to be strong for Astrid.  _

“Nng…” Hiccup moaned in pain as his eyelids fluttered open. He was on his bed, wrapped in his blankets tightly. He couldn’t find the source of the pain at first, but then it hit him in a wave of fiery agony. 

After two days of what he thought was relief, his scabs within getting thicker, Hiccup was now in more pain than ever before. For a while he felt  _ less  _ pain, these hood-like sores around his anal ring numb to touch. Tonight though, even though he hadn’t used the bathroom at all, he felt a worse, agonizing pain deeper within his anal area. He also felt awfully  _ hot.  _

Hiccup wrapped his arms around himself, hugging his pillow and letting his blankets fall on the floor. He was so hot, but at the same time he was trembling as if he was cold. Tears flowed down his cheeks, unable to be fought anymore. He felt dizzy, his mouth dry. 

Hiccup found himself choking on his own spit. It was cold around him, and his left leg was hurting as well he realized. The muscles in his stump were throbbing, and he felt like his left foot was somehow there, though someone was crushing it between two stones.

A phantom pain  _ and  _ some sort of illness at the same time.  _ Great. _

There was a knock on his bedroom door and Hiccup knew he had been heard. He hid his face in the pillow so no one could see his red face, folding his left leg under his right. He still had his prosthetic on, having been so abnormally tired before bed that he’d forgotten to take it off before going to sleep.

“It’s open.” Hiccup mumbled in a hoarse voice, his words muffled by his pillow. The door opened and heavy footsteps entered his room. A beefy hand was laid on his shoulder and he immediately regretted his decision to let someone in. 

“Hey...Dad.” Hiccup mumbled, feeling ashamed by his weak voice. This was Stoick the Vast at his side, a businessman with hardened emotions and a leader over many. He had suffered the loss of his wife in stride, raised his son without ever letting a tear fall. As far as Hiccup knew he’d never cried at all. When he was little, his father had gotten him out of a hollowed out log he was stuck in by simply lifting the entire thing and dumping Hiccup into the dirt below. He was one of the strongest men Hiccup knew.

Stoick said nothing for a moment, taking his son’s tense form into mind. After Hiccup had lost his leg when he was younger, along with his own mother to a car accident around the same time, his father had gotten good at knowing when something was wrong.

“Can I remove your prosthetic for you?” Stoick asked in a soft voice, knowing his son didn’t like having the fake limb on when he was in pain. Hiccup nodded his head, his face still hidden by the pillow, 

Stoick sighed deeply and moved down the bed. He lay his hands on his son’s leg, flinching slightly when Hiccup jerked at the touch. He was definitely in more pain than Stoick had originally assumed. 

With a deep sigh, Stoick twisted the small knob that made the special cup loosen up. Gobber had been the one to design this prosthetic, being more than just your average blacksmith and bartender.

A silent sob escaped Hiccup when his father tugged on his fake leg, his shoulders shuddering and muscles tensing. Stoick shushed him, knowing it would be harder to get the leg off if his son was tense. Eventually the leg came off, Hiccup still trembling terribly.

Once Stoick had set the prosthetic beside the bed, he pulled the wooden chair away from Hiccup’s desk and sat down near his son’s head. Hiccup still wouldn’t show his face, grumbling in annoyance at his own hurt every now and again with his shoulders constantly shuddering. 

“What hurts?” Stoick asked slowly. His son seemed surprised by the question, stopped shuddering for just a moment. Then he was trying to fight with himself again. 

“My leg mostly. I-I think the c-cold is messing with me. Causing ph-phantom pains dad.” In Hiccup’s voice was not just frustration and pain, but a hint of question as well. A plea for comfort. One that he didn’t want to make too audible because this was his father he was talking to.

Somehow, Stock surprised himself and heard it. He began rubbing small circles in Hiccup back, sitting with stiff shoulders as the air grew tense and awkward.

“Ah...is there anything you need? Does anything else hurt?” Hiccup knew his father was simply being overprotective because he’d had a close call with his only son mere weeks ago, but it still felt nice having him comfort him so much, even if he felt small or weak as a result.

Hiccup shook his head in response to his father’s question, not too keen on letting his father know what else was going on with him. He knew Astrid wanted him to tell someone if it got worse so he could be taken to see a doctor, but right now he felt small and didn’t want to crush his very own pride any more than it had been here recently. 

“No. I’m alright.”

Stoick knew his son was hiding something else. Hiccup was no good liar, his voice going up in pitch if he spoke, or his head shaking far too quickly in response if he used body language to answer the given question. Still, Hiccup had already shared a great burden with him only days ago, and from what the therapist and hospital had told him and Agnar, they didn’t need to push. 

Feeling cornered or stressed were the last things the teens needed right now. Especially with Astrid pregnant and Hiccup showing signs of some sort of an unknown illness. From his sleeping patterns growing worse, to his inability to eat in the morning or in the evenings, to the nightmares that were plaguing his nights, leaving the poor boy to wake up shaking and sweating.

None of the adults would corner them. Stoick would let Hiccup tell him when he really needed help. They’d been through this entire process once before when Hiccup’s pride prevented him from telling his father he was having problems when they were figuring out which kind of prosthetic would work best with him, making tweaks that sometimes left Hiccup so sore he couldn’t use the fake leg the next day.

And cornering Astrid was an even worse idea. No one wanted to be on the receiving end of the girl’s flailing yet precise limbs when she was skittish.

Never.

After Hiccup had finally fallen back to sleep, fists balled tightly and held close to his mouth, his body curled in on itself in a semi-fetal-position with his hair falling slightly into his right eye and blankets piled on top of his still-shaking shoulders, Stoick left the boy to himself after turning on the closet light. 

Hiccup was never afraid of the dark, but Stoick wanted his son to be able to see where his prosthetic was if he were to wake again later on in the night.

With that, Stoick got a midnight snack from the fridge and headed back to his bedroom. Along the way he saw Astrid had moved to the couch and fallen asleep watching TV, but he decided against waking her.

Whatever made her feel safe and comfortable, he would allow. She was likely his future daughter in law after all, well if his boy’s undying love confessions and sparkling eyes had anything to say about it.


	9. Let People In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astrid gets Hiccup to admit what may be causing his pain and illness, but the main problem is, will he admit these things to other people like his father? Fighting through the pain that sometimes comes with his amputation site, Hiccup allows Astrid to come close to him in ways others are never allowed to, letting her know through action that he does trust her with himself and with his injuries.

Hiccup woke up sore after sleeping curled up with tense muscles. His insides still burned slightly like they had been last night, and there was dried blood where the scabs were, though he guessed that was caused by the thrashing in his sleep.

Suddenly, Hiccup realized what-or rather  _ who- _ had awoken him. Sitting on his bedside with a sheepish smile on her face was Astrid, her hair a tad bit messy but still in a braid, and her night clothes replaced with one of her red shirts instead of the usual blue ones.

“Astrid? What are you doing he-”

“You’ve been sleeping all morning. It’s almost 11:00 and your dad told me to wake you up before noon. My mom and Stoick are working all day, and my dad was called in for an emergency thingamajig he’s not willing to tell me about. I cooked lunch for us and we don’t have school today because it’s the weekend.”

Hiccup smiled warmly, his foggy, tired mind taking a few seconds to process what all she was saying. It was weird to him that he had slept for so long as he was normally an early riser.

“Whelp, I’m sure he’s pleased with you.” Hiccup said groggily with a smile in his tone. “I’m awake and singing like a Terrible Terror.”

Astrid raised an eyebrow at him curiously. 

“Terrible Terror?”

Hiccup blushed slightly, shrugging his shoulders. “A book/journal/something no one else will ever see until I’m old and brittle I’m writing. Been doing so since I was fourteen. Just kinda came to me, though I much rather prefer cartography over literature any day.”

Astrid smiled and shook her head, slightly amused. 

“You’ve been writing a book and never told me? Shame on you Haddock.” She punched him lightly on the shoulder, giving him a fake glare. Hiccup only laughed in response. 

“Bite me Hofferson.” He said with a smirk in his tone. Astrid responded by giving him something that sounded like a hiss and growl at once.

“Maybe I will!” With that she pounced, sending Hiccup on his back with his legs dangling off the side of the bed. She had his shoulders pinned and was straddling his lap, her smile mischievous and devious at the same time, but also playful.

“Can’t...Breath.” Hiccup gasped as her knees dug into his mid torso. Despite the pain he seemed to be in, there was a smile plastered on his face. He tried to push his girlfriend off of him, only for Astrid to pin his arms down while laughing.

They both lay there for a second, gazing at each other and panting through light chuckles. Eventually, Astrid got off of him, helping Hiccup sit up on the edge of the bed so she could lean against him. 

“Aren’t you going to put your prosthetic on before getting up to eat?” Astrid asked curiously, setting her hand gently on his left knee. She knew how sensitive he was there, so made sure her touch was light.

Hiccup shook his head, placing one hand on his nightstand to prepare himself. “Nah. I was having some soreness last night. It’s swollen now so I don’t think I’ll be able to get it on at the moment. Might as well let it ‘air out’ until the redness goes away.”

Astrid nodded her head, offering him her arm. Hiccup took it gratefully, hopping to the couch with her help. Astrid brought them both a bowl of instant macaroni and cheese with a glass of water. Hiccup took his bowl gratefully, smiling when she sat next to him. They didn’t turn the TV on, completely content with being there in silence together.

Time passed and bowls were emptied, set on the glass-lidded coffee table to put away later. Hiccup had one arm around Astrid, gently running his fingers through her slightly-messy braid, and Astrid had one hand reaching across him to hold his free one, her head on his chest, listening to his heart.

“Have you been feeling okay lately babe?” Astrid asked in a quiet tone. She’d been meaning to ask him yesterday but fell asleep earlier than usual.

As expected really, Hiccup seemed a bit taken aback. He tensed in her hold, eyes closing for a moment as he tried to think. As if bringing said illness into the conversation triggered something, he suddenly seemed very uncomfortable, shifting his position and moving his hand from her hair to grip the back of the couch. 

Once that wave of undeniable pain faded to a bearable throb, Hiccup looked at Astrid with a warm smile. She smiled back, her eyes understanding and compassionate. 

She knew it was hard for him to talk about these things. Telling her father what Jera had done to them herself felt like she was trying to spit rocks out of her windpipe.

Astrid waited patiently for Hiccup to answer, both of them holding each other’s slightly hesitant gaze. Finally, Hiccup broke eye contact, sighing deeply as a chill ran up his spine.

_ Was  _ he getting sick?

“I uh...I was feeling kind of off last night. My dad came in and I told him it was my leg that was hurting. He got my prosthetic off and I am pretty sure I was running a fever. Think it has something to do with the weather change.”

Astrid raised an eyebrow, poking him in the chest and gazing at him expectantly. He knew what she was wanting, but still held his tongue.

“What else?” Astrid finally asked, knowing that his silence would be his only answer if she allowed it to be. Hiccup sighed deeply, having expected this but silently hoping she’d just let it go.

Of course Astrid wouldn’t let it go, that was just who she was.

“Do we really need to worry about me right now?”

  
Astrid said nothing, but nodded her head quickly with determination in her eyes. The teenage boy next to her almost had to smile at her antics.

“Alright. I was feeling kind of sick. Like...because of the results of uh...Gale.” He desperately hoped she’d understand so he didn’t have to go into detail about what he was feeling, or why he was feeling it. Thank Thor himself, she did, and a look of curiosity and concern at the same time crossed over her facial features. She moved so she was facing him, her legs dangling off of the front of the couch while she sat on her knees, both of her smaller hands holding his slightly more tanned, larger ones.

“Did you tell your dad that too?” 

_ Of course he didn’t. _

“No. I didn’t.” 

_ Of course she’d ask that question. _

“Why didn’t you?” 

_ Why won’t he just let us help him?  _

“I didn’t want him to worry.” 

_ Please stop pushing me Astrid. _

“Something serious could be going on.”

_ Let me in Hiccup. _

With a sigh, Hiccup responded as calmly as he could. “I can take care of myself. You guys don’t need to worry about me right now.”

_ Let me do this on my own! _

Astrid glared at him, squeezing his hands tighter. “If you want me to ask you for help with this damned pregnancy, then let me help you when you are ill Haddock. You need to let people in.”

_ Stop hiding from me. Quit being so selfish. _

“I don’t think a simple injury even comes close to pregnancy, Milady.” His eyebrows dipped in and he tried to pull his hands away from her, only for Astrid to hold him tighter, making him tense.

_ Let go of me please. _

Astrid took a second to respond, refusing to let go of his hands in hers.

Finally, she replied with a deep, frustrated sigh.

“You’re right, you don’t  _ need  _ our help, but I  _ want  _ to help you Hiccup. I don’t care if I’m pregnant, and I don’t care if all you have is a small fever, I  _ want  _ to help you! Let me have at least that after everything that has happened! Let me pay you back. Let me help you. Let me take the pain. Let me close to you.”

She ducked her head, knowing that she wasn’t just talking about this particular moment. Nonetheless, she didn’t stop.

“Don’t push me away. Please Hiccup.”

Hiccup frowned, sadness and frustration in his eyes. He opened his arms, inviting her in. Astrid returned the embrace, her arms around his shoulders, holding him tightly. Hiccup’s hands rested on her waist, his nose tucked in the crook of her shoulder so anyone behind her would only be able to see his hair.

“I won’t. Not anymore. I promise.” His breath shook as if he was overwhelmed, tears wanting to fall but of course he held them back. He was going to be strong for her. 

“No one’s going to hurt me anymore Astrid.  _ No one. _ ”

Astrid nodded her head, pulling away a little, though her nose was still almost touching his. Hiccup’s eyes were still closed as she stared at his lips, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“You need to open up to us Hiccup. Even your dad.”

Surprisingly enough, Hiccup didn’t even protest. From what she could see in his facial details, he was feeling discomfort somewhere. She had a very slight idea two places that discomfort could be coming from, one being his leg.

“I will. I promise Astrid.”

With hesitant hands, Astrid reached out for his stump. Would he really let her help him now? Was it worth a shot even if she might scare him away? She had to try, he was hurting.

_ Hiccup  _ was hurting.

Surprisingly enough, Hiccup didn’t pull away when her hand lay on what was left of his leg. Tracing the pink scars there, she looked at his face, watching for any signs of pain. When she reached his knee, she saw it, a scrunching of his eyebrows. Then she touched the center of the end of his stump. He hissed between his teeth, his eyes pinched tightly closed.

“Do you need ice, babe?” Hiccup shook his head, smiling warmly at her, emerald irises shining with warmth and comfort.

“I-I actually think that’ll make it worse Astrid. I-I just want to...wait it out. It’s one of those things.” He coughed afterwards, leaning forward so his forehead was resting on the front of her shoulder. Astrid allowed this, rubbing small comforting circles in his back.

“Okay. I’m here for you.”

“I know you are.”


	10. Ill and Getting Worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After telling Astrid about the exact reasons for his ill feeling just a week ago, Hiccup finds himself in the hospital. Hiccup has always been uncomfortable being in hospitals ever since he lost his leg, and he doesn't want to deal with his own problems as much as he wants to help Astrid with hers.
> 
> After a little bit of hard-to-have conversations and Astrid experiencing even MORE uncomfortable symptoms of her pregnancy, Hiccup and Astrid both have to get through yet another bad experience that is just adding to the pile of bad experiences that are happening so fast it's overwhelming for them and their families. 
> 
> Will Hiccup get over his illness and go back home? Or will the both of them be stuck in an unfamiliar environment again for even longer than before?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the main warnings for this chapter is a rather detailed description of certain medical injuries, as that's just how this story is and I'm a CNA with a rather large variety of medical conditions in my family, so this is normal stuff for me.
> 
> If you find things like blood in stool, draining blisters, or anal injuries gross or uncomfortable, read at your own risk. They are only a small part of this chapter.

A week after Hiccup had told Astrid about his pains in the middle of the night, Hiccup’s health was declining. First it was obvious a lot of his symptoms were coming from stress, things like blurry vision from a lack of sleep, clumsiness because he would never watch where he was going and was always lost in a distant world, and an inability to eat because of his anxiety.

  
Then he started throwing up in the middle of the night a little over 48 hours ago. Astrid had woken up with him both times, Stoick coming as well the second night to pat his son on the back after hearing him dry heaving, unable to get anything out due to how little he ate.

On the third day, just a little less than 20 hours ago, Hiccup had begun having severe pain, so much so that he could no longer put on a brave face as the pain grew to be too much, and there was blood when he went to the bathroom.

Now in the hospital, Hiccup had been diagnosed with a severely infected Anal Abcess, along with three other ones that weren’t as badly infected, but were bleeding.

Hiccup had to be coaxed over and over again before he actually let the doctor check him for said injury. He was put under anesthesia so they could drain the abscess’, rubbing an antibacterial cream on them as well (despite the fact that it would be wiped away the next time he went to the restroom) and stitching the severely infected one closed after completely draining it. The abscess itself had gotten as long and wide as the top joint of his own thumb.

Hiccup came-to with Astrid, his father, and Agnar standing over him. The first thing he did was try to sit up, at first forgetting where he was and frankly always being skittish in hospitals after losing his leg.

Then there was  _ pain.  _ Such a pain that Hiccup couldn’t even sit on his own rear and had to sit back. He also felt lightheaded, having eaten so little in the past few days.

There was something rubber on his cheek he realized. Hiccup reached up to touch the odd tube, before he realized it went into his nose. A nasogastric feeding tube.

“Wh-Why?”

Stoick knew his son wasn’t going to finish the question, so answered his silence to the best of his own ability.

“When the docs tested your blood and checked your weight you were considered dangerously malnourished. Your weight has dropped down to 81 pounds and your blood shows you are severely anemic. You also have a low blood sugar and white blood cell count. They want to keep a feeding tube going and an IV drip running for the next 24 hours while they check on your infection.” He quoted everything the doctor had told him.

Hiccup sighed deeply in response. He never enjoyed being on any kind of bedrest. The tube in his nose was irritating his skin, and his backside  _ hurt.  _

“How long was I out anyways?” He decided to slightly change the subject, honestly kind of curious and not just asking the question to ask it.

Astrid was the one who answered him.

“It’s just after sunrise. You went into surgery around 3 or so yesterday evening.” Hiccup was slightly surprised he was asleep for so long, then realized that was probably when they got the time to place a feeding tube.

“Ah... _ okay.  _ I guess that makes sense, considering how long it must’ve taken for them to order and place this thing in the evening during ‘rush hour’.” 

Stoick, Agnar, and Astrid all sighed in annoyance at Hiccup’s usually sarcastic, sassy tone, but they felt a ping of sorrow and sympathy when he touched the tube taped to his cheek and going up his right nostril in obvious discomfort, the skin around the area becoming red and dry.

A doctor came in moments later, replacing the feeding bag so there was now a new one with formula in it. The bag attached to a line that went through a pump, looping around a rotating gear, and moving through a drip. The doctor had to let the formula drip through for a few moments so there were no air bubbles before she could hook it up to the little knob at the end of the tube taped to Hiccup’s right cheek.

“Can you look to the left for me? I just need to twist this on.”

Her voice was kind and warm, though groggy and on edge as he had always been after any surgery, Hiccup hesitated. After a moment he looked to the left, catching Astrid’s eyes who locked her gaze with his. She smiled warmly at him, nodding encouragingly.

He knew that look. ‘It’s okay’ she was saying, letting him know he could rest and let down his guard. She’d keep an eye out for any kind of danger to him. She’d given him this look many times before when he needed to remove his prosthetic in public because of a phantom pain or sore muscles, but was afraid he might have to get somewhere in a rush and wouldn’t be able to.

She always insisted she’d never run away without him. That had been very true in the past month or two.

The tube was attached and Hiccup had to admit it to himself, the feeling of being filled without actually eating or drinking anything was absolutely uncomfortable, odd enough to make him squirm slightly after about 30 minutes of the two hour long feed going through the drip and into his digestive system. He was glad he didn’t feel like liquid was going up his nose like he had once feared it would. Instead he just felt simple warmth in the tubing in his nostril and the feeling of formula in his stomach.

This would be going on for the next 24 to 48 hours according to the doctor after an assessment was done to ask him about his symptoms. Hiccup was very slightly relieved if he was honest, happy for the seemingly unlimited supply of pain medications which could be put through his IV at any time.

At the same time Hiccup had always disliked hospitals, the environment making him skittish due to his past. The beeping machines unsettled him, the scents around making his sensitive belly nauseas. Of course he could go on a roller coaster and be just fine, but when it came to smells like burnt rubber or hospital equipment, he felt oddly sick within seconds.

By the time evening came around, Hiccup found the pain dying down quickly, as if draining the infection was making everything better a lot faster than he thought it originally would. He was currently laying on his side in bed, Ingrid staying at the hospital with him and Astrid while Stoick was at work and Agnar was helping a neighbor with her weekly gardening chores. The 72 year old woman was a close friend of his and Ingrid’s and had no family, so he took to helping her every now and again so she had someone to talk to.

“Are you feeling any better?” Astrid asked with a tender tone of voice, her right hand brushing Hiccup’s bangs out of his eyes. The boy in question blushed slightly, as he tended to do when Astrid showed such gentle signs of affection he normally showed to her, such as brushing her hair behind her ear or fixing the rim of her shirt while they were talking in a simple silent excuse to brush a hand over her shoulder. 

Simple touches could mean so much when one was a couple like Hiccup and Astrid, where fingertips could send goosebumps over planes of skin, sparks flying with every bit of physical contact.

“Actually, I think I am.” Hiccup grabbed her hand that was in his hair, bringing it to his chest so he could hold her there, fingers linked together as if they were meant to be two parts of one whole like puzzle pieces.

“Thanks for caring so much about me Astrid. If I hadn’t told you about this before, the doctors would have been a lot more confused as to what was going on.” Ingrid stood in the background, smiling warmly at the two. They were two teens experiencing young love, yet they acted as if they were a married couple.

Astrid nodded her head, smiling back at her boyfriend and leaning down to tenderly kiss his forehead, which led to him blushing even deeper. When she pulled back a bit too quickly, there was suddenly a lump in her throat, one that made her swallow many times. There were tiny sparks in the corners of her vision like fireflies as well.

“I uh...I’m going to head to the bathroom.” Astrid gestured at the bathroom which was right across from Hiccup’s room over her shoulder with her thumb.

Ingrid raised an eyebrow in confusion. She stood, patting Hiccup on the shoulder almost subconsciously before walking to her daughter who stood on the opposite side of the bed to her.

Laying a hand on Astrid’s shoulder, her free hand brushing her daughter’s bangs out of her baby blues, Ingrid nodded her head with a small, reassuring smile.

“Let me come with. You’re looking a little feint. I’ll stand outside the bathroom door.”

Astrid looked slightly confused, but nodded her head agreeingly. If her mother thought she looked feint, she would walk on the safe side, especially since she didn’t know exactly what all of the effects of pregnancy were.

Hiccup was laying flat on his back in bed when Astrid and Ingrid walked away. He listened to the beeping of the monitor, falling half asleep due to the drowsiness some of his medications were causing him. 

When the hospital room door opened again, Hiccup was surprised to see Astrid almost limping while holding onto her mother, face slightly pale.

Forgetting the slight pain in his backside for a moment, Hiccup sat up with nothing more than a wince. He subconsciously reached his hands out to her as if silently telling her to let him hold her, even though he had no reason other than her extremely tired state to suspect something might’ve been terribly wrong with his girlfriend.

“Are you okay?” Hiccup asked in a soft voice, partially to comfort her, and partially because speaking any louder would’ve caused his voice to crack due to the pain sitting up was beginning to cause.

Astrid smiled warmly at him, her expression reflecting the feeling of sickness she had very well. What had made her sick?

A thought dawned on Hiccup, but he waited for her to speak and tell him herself if she chose to. 

“I uh...I just got sick to my stomach.” Astrid placed a hand on her toned belly, her expression one of slight discomfort-emotionally and physically-along with warmth.

“Mom thinks...she says it’s likely because I’m just past a month into the pregnancy. She had dizzy spells and really bad nausea earlier on too. I already got her headaches within the first few weeks, so it makes sense I’m going through other things she went through too.” Astrid blushed lightly as if either bringing up the pregnancy or her own weakness was something to be bashful about.

Though there was still worry on his face, Hiccup couldn’t help but smile warmly as Astrid was helped to sit down next to her mother in the padded chairs on the right side of his bed. He was happy she was able to talk about her pregnancy without that anxiety, distress, denial, or bits of bitterness she had been using in her speech when she spoke about her baby after she first learned she was pregnant during these past few weeks.

“I’m glad it’s nothing serious. It’s not exactly the best feeling to see you feeling unwell though.” Hiccup smiled warmly, eyes closing slightly in drowsiness, but mostly just because he was content being around the two women in his hospital room who were practically family.

Astrid blushed very slightly, though as always managed to quite easily hide it by letting her braid fall over her shoulder and ducking slightly so her bangs fell into her eyes a little bit.

“It’s normal though...I guess it’s going to be normal for a few months actually.” Astrid placed her hand on her belly, the nausea and faint look in her pale features finally starting to go away now that there was nothing left in her digestive system. Without really thinking too much about her decisions, she moved the short distance from her chair to Hiccup’s bed where she sat next to him with a hand on his chest.

With her free hand, Astrid grabbed Hiccup’s wrist and guided his hand to her belly where his fingers splayed across her abdomen, not really knowing what she was wanting him to do.

“I love you.” Astrid mumbled, laying her head against his chest while they both sat there. There was a thin coat of tears in her eyes, though they were mostly just from being overwhelmed. She’d gotten Hiccup to tell someone he was sick, she was starting to feel symptoms of her baby being in her, she was battling emotional trauma from their experiences, and she had been worrying non-stop for Hiccup while he was in surgery.

Overall, everything was just happening too fast. Far too fast for either of them. 

Hiccup could see her stress, and with his left hand still on her belly, he used his right hand to brush Astrid’s hair out of her eyes before tenderly placing a kiss to her forehead, not quite kissing her lips because he didn’t want to seem rude kissing Ingrid’s daughter in front of her like this in such an almost intimate matter, even if it was nothing sexual.

“I love you too. You’ve always known that.” He pressed his forehead to hers, letting out a held breath as another wave of pain came and went thanks to him shifting his body too much.

“I promise you, you always will.”


	11. Going Back Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally preparing to go back home, Hiccup still suffers through the stress being in a hospital causes, though perhaps his pregnant girlfriend can help calm him as he can help ease her ill feelings induced by said pregnancy. It is possible he will be allowed to go without the feeding tube, but in order to do so Hiccup will have to get better levels of nutrition, a hard thing to do when he is facing anxiety.

As of today, Hiccup was expected to be allowed to go home in a little less than 24 hours so long as he could digest the hospital food properly. They tried to have him eat a big yet soft breakfast consisting of things like broth and mashed potatoes, though he only ate half of it. The hospital had done another blood test as well, and were happy to see he had been getting the nourishment he needed from the feeding tube and the well-thought-out diet.

The feeding tube in his nose still had yet to be removed, which Hiccup didn’t quite understand as he  _ was  _ eating what they were telling him to, but overall he guessed it was just a safety precaution. Stoick had almost began protesting against it when he saw just how hard the tube feed and IV were making it for his son to sleep the night before after coming back to the hospital so Ingrid could go home and get some rest, though Astrid-having the respect one would see in a family from Stoick over the years of knowing him and knowing she now had the right to give him advice or calm him like he could act as a second father to her at times-had told him that maybe Hiccup could try a sedative before trying to risk removing the tube all together quite yet. 

In the end, Astrid was the one who grew up with a mother who was a children’s nurse, and Stoick knew nothing about medicine other than how to treat amputations because both his ‘brother’, who was really someone resembling Hiccup’s second father, and Hiccup himself were amputees. When his son was younger and had such a hard time gaining weight, Stoick was lucky he had the amount of money he did so he could hire a specialist to take the time of day to teach him all of the things he himself was oblivious about. He respected both Hofferson women’s judgement over his own in certain situations.

Hiccup was currently laying on his left side, the hand that had the IV in it laying on his chest while his right hand rested on his right hip. Astrid was sitting on his bed in front of him, her hand being brought up to trace through the back of his hair which made Hiccup’s eyes close involuntarily and his cheeks blush.

“Why do you have to be so bashful?” Astrid asked softly. Stoick was eating in the dining room with Agnar while Ingrid was at work. Hiccup’s tray of food was beside his bed but he had only eaten the biscutte there, the hospital environment triggering his nervousness and making it hard to eat.

Hiccup ducked his head, forcing his eyes open despite the relaxing effect her hand in his hair had on him. “I just...I just figured I should be the one doing stuff like this for  _ you.  _ It’s how it kind of is in these situations.” Hiccup placed his hand on her stomach, showing her what he was trying to talk about.

  
Astrid blushed this time, shaking her head with a sigh. “You will be…. _ later.  _ Right now you’re sick, so I being your girlfriend feel the need to help you. You’ve only been two days after waking up from being under anesthesia.” Hiccup couldn’t help but smile at the fact that Astrid was making it clear she trusted him to help her when she-the bold Astrid Hofferson who didn’t like people messing with or touching her too much, especially now-couldn’t take care of herself completely because she had a child growing in her womb. 

Astrid was already suffering nausea and headaches. Hiccup was honestly kind of scared of what else would leave her vulnerable or ill as the pregnancy progressed. Few women he knew had a pregnancy that wasn’t hard. Hiccup’s own mother had been ill most of her pregnancy while carrying him, and he came into the world early enough to raise concern and leave him in the hospital until he reached the required weight to leave. According to his father during one of the story-times about his deceased mother when Hiccup was younger, she’d become very dehydrated during a rather long labor as well. 

Hiccup nodded his head, moving his hand from Astrid’s stomach to her right hand so he could hold it. Astrid used her free hand to brush through his hair again, leaving Hiccup unable to keep his eyes open. It was a blessing and a curse she knew exactly what calmed and relaxed him. There had been a select few times during their relationship when she had gotten him to go to sleep against his will because he’d been overworking himself and staying up for days at a time.

“How do you know me so well?” Hiccup asked, sighing when Astrid’s thumb caressed his cheek near the corner of his lip, the contact making him feel warm and comforted. He forced himself to open his eyes again so he could catch her gaze with his own.

Astrid smiled, visually marking the few patterns in Hiccup’s slightly fogged over eyes. She chuckled before responding to his question. 

“We’ve been dating for a while Hiccup. I’ve learned to understand you. The small things like…” Astrid dragged her finger over his shoulder and messaged one side of his chest with a decent amount of pressure, the action forcing the air out of Hiccup slightly and making him gasp before he sighed in some sort of satisfaction.

This had calmed Hiccup many times when he would over-obsess on something involving his job such as one of his projects, or when Astrid had been staying the night at his house (sleeping in a different room while Stoick was there of course) and he’d began getting anxiety as a result of phantom pains, the sensation not only causing him to  _ hurt,  _ but the sensation of his leg seeming to actually physical be there even if it wasn’t made him more panicky than was usual-usual being when he’d be over obsessive over his projects or when he was helping his father with something involving the business.

“...what calms you down.” She smiled warmly, her smile a very slight smirk that was hidden well. She used her index finger to  _ very  _ lightly tickle him under the chin which led to him jerking away from her and making something akin to an inward-sneeze and a whine combined which actually managed to startle her. 

“ _ And  _ how to irritate you, like your ticklish spots.” Hiccup fake-glared at Astrid who only laughed at his response. She was careful when she placed her hand on his cheek because of the tube in his nose.

Hiccup tensed slightly when she touched his cheek due to her palm making the tube twitch, but then he realized just how careful she was being and easily relaxed in her gentle hold. 

He was one of the very few people who could bring this rather gentle side out of Astrid Hofferson.

“ _ Hilarious. _ Only _ you _ would purposefully irritate a one legged boy in the hospital with a tube up his nose.” Hiccup faked sarcasm and sass, his tone of voice joking and a smile on his face. Astrid only chuckled, pointing a finger at him as if scolding him. 

“Well well,  _ someone’s  _ grouchy all of a sudden” Astrid began, making Hiccup unable to keep from laughing slightly, the motion also making him cough though the coughing didn’t seem to cause any kind of pain or discomfort, which was good.

“You know me. I can be moody when I want to be. I  _ am  _ a 17 year old boy after all  _ Miss Hofferson. _ ” Hiccup continued the act, trying to force a pout but unable to stop smiling despite the discomfort he was in from being at a hospital. If anything he was grateful for this ‘game’ they were playing. Because he was so uncomfortable and anxious being in hospitals, almost any kind of distraction was well accepted. 

Astrid knew what she was doing was helping Hiccup come out from a dark or hidden state of mind, so she continued as best she could without laughing at his antics. 

“Keep up the attitude and you won’t be able to get yourself a  _ Miss Haddock _ in your future.” Astrid teased, knowing Hiccup understood she was just joking around and putting up an act. He forced a frown, crossing his arms. After a moment of them playfully glaring at each other, his eyes widened slightly and he broke eye contact. 

“Really? What would you have me do to get a Miss Haddock then, eh?” His tone was joking though he was blushing, always bad at play-flirting without getting flustered which Astrid loved about him. 

“You know me. I’m a sarcastic bundle of sass and witty comebacks where they are least appropriate. How do you assume I make someone fall for all of... _ this.” _

Hiccup gestured to himself with his hands, flexing his left arm slightly which revealed very little muscle when his hospital gown dropped over his shoulder. He didn’t have bulgy muscles, but he was still strong. His muscles were toned and fine rather than vulgar and visible like she’d seen in movies. No one would’ve ever guessed he had abs at a first glance due to how thin he was.  _ She  _ hadn’t even expected his torso and chest to be so toned until she saw him shirtless for the first time recently. 

Pushing that thought aside, Astrid allowed herself to laugh at Hiccup’s slightly stupid sentence. He was intelligent, but he could act  _ so dumb  _ when he was playing around and making jokes sometimes.

Astrid put a hand on her chin as if contemplating something. It took everything in her not to laugh when Hiccup looked at her expectantly, cocking his head to the side as if wondering what in the world she was thinking so hard about, even if she really wasn’t concentrating on anything at all.

“Well...first of all you have to treat a lady nicely, even if she’s tomboyish and doesn’t look like your typical ‘hot’ girl.” Astrid began, smiling when Hiccup raised an eyebrow, obviously confused as to why she was taking his question seriously. 

“Secondly, you’d have to be good at sharing, because if anyone ever married you you’d have to share the same house. You’d also have to be good at negotiating in case you had kids one day.” Astrid was being so playful when she said it, she didn’t realize how that sentence would hit her emotionally until she said it out loud. She looked at Hiccup to make sure she hadn’t made him uncomfortable again, but he was only smiling and looking at her in a way that seemed as if he was trying to encourage her to continue.

“Oh, and most girls with a backbone don’t mind the sass and sarcasm, so long as you know how to be serious and kind in the situations that require it.” Honestly speaking she was just saying everything she knew about him and the reasons she loved him, though didn’t admit it.

Hiccup slouched back against the bed, his pain medications obviously making him a little too drowsy to prop himself up even if he refused to sleep yet. He’d always hated being bed ridden after all.

“Well...I do know how to be serious.” Hiccup smiled, looking at Astrid with warmth in his eyes. Her gaze quickly mirrored his, connecting them.

“I believe I treat people fairly kindly. I mean, I’m not exactly a selfish person, and you  _ know  _ I don’t have a big ego.” Now he was joking around just as much as Astrid was again, talking to her as if she was a friend giving him advice and  _ not  _ his girlfriend of quite a while now.

“What do you think, Astrid? Think I have a shot of having a wife one day?” Astrid laughed at the goofy look on his face, nodding her head enthusiastically. She moved closer to him, kissing his cheek just above the tube taped there and making him blush. 

“I think you do. You’re just the kind of guy a lot of us girls look for.” Astrid’s voice had dropped a lot lower now, her eyes downcast instead of on his face. She pulled back again, still sitting on her knees just next to him on the bed when Stoick and Agnar suddenly entered the room. 

“I trust you two have been alright while we were gone?” Stoick asked as he entered the room first, his strides long and proud. He had started acting more like himself after Hiccup’s problem had been diagnosed and treated. He now knew his son had nothing lethal wrong with him. 

“Stoick, please. There are people in the room right next to us.  _ Sick  _ people, and your voice has always been rather  _ loud. _ ” Agnar replied to the taller man.

Why as Stoick was built rather large in structure and stood at well over six feet tall, Agnar was thin and more toned from his time in the military and many years of rather vigorous and straining rehabilitation. He had muscles and was just as strong as Stoick was, hair and eyes very similar to his daughter’s, though unlike Hiccup who had a similar body-type, Agnar’s arm muscles were visible and rolled when he flexed, but they weren’t nearly so big he looked like some pro-wrestler. He was only right at 6 feet tall, so to see the thinner, shorter man put both of his hands on Stoick’s one massive forearm in an attempt to make him stop goofing around was almost comical to watch.

Stoick didn’t find the comment disrespectful or rude because Agnar had come to be just as close of a friend to him as Gobber was over the years. At one moment in time-when Agnar was still in a wheelchair-Stoick and Gobber had offered for him to help them branch out the wings of their business, though the offer had kindly been turned down.

“Alright. I’ll  _ try  _ to keep it down, Agnar.” Stoick’s tone of voice was only half-serious, and he waved Agnar off with his hand rather than actually looking at him, though his volume had dropped a few notches when he spoke. 

Hiccup rolled his eyes at the interaction, still leaning back against the bed so he wasn’t fully upright. His eyes were slightly droopy due to his drowsiness. 

“You’ll only get about halfway through his brain, Agnar. It doesn’t go in one ear and out the other because my father is a respectful businessman, but he doesn’t process requests completely or always think about what he’s saying.”

Astrid actually snorted when Hiccup spoke, half astonished he spoke about his father in such a way and half incredibly amused by their relationship.

“What do you mean I don’t always think about what I’m saying,  _ son _ .” There was a stern, slightly threatening tone in his voice at the end of the sentence, Stoick often pushing Hiccup just back over the line between their typical relationship and disrespect, though Hiccup had  _ long  _ since learned not to be intimidated by it since he was around 15. 

“You made a joke about my weight yesterday while I was in the hospital!” Hiccup countered, quickly realing back and lowering his voice after he’d realized his volume had gone so high he might’ve disturbed the people in rooms nearby. 

Hiccup wasn’t afraid of the threatening tone his father had used because he knew personally he would never cross over the non-verbal boundaries that were set between them. He knew he could be flexible with his father, especially because he was almost 18, but he would  _ never  _ talk badly about Stoick to a stranger, nor would he swear in front of his dad or call him names. Those were rules he’d set himself using common sense and his own morals.

He had values and boundaries, he and his father just had a different relationship than most would have with their fathers, mostly because it hadn’t been extremely good until  _ after  _ Hiccup’s mom had died and Stoick realized he needed to spend more time with his son now that the boy only had one parent.

Stoick had no comeback, which was fairly rare. Around 20 or so minutes of simple conversation went on before a nurse entered the room with a chart in her hands.

Astrid was still sitting on the right side of the bed next to Hiccup on the mattress with Stoick and Agnar standing to the left on them while in quiet conversation about both of their jobs when the nurse walked in. All conversations ceased as they looked at her expectantly. Hiccup was the only one who was tense, again never being fond of hospitals, though Astrid’s hand on his shoulder while he lay on his back, bed slightly inclined so he wasn’t flat, soothed him greatly.

The nurse explained that a doctor would be coming in to discuss a discharge for Hiccup if he remained without fever and without an abnormal blood pressure for the next few hours. He would also schedule a followup appointment with Hiccup’s primary doctor and a one-time-visit with a specialist just to make sure his weight and levels were okay, getting a blood test, weighing him, and checking for signs of fatigue during said visit. After those two appointments he’d be cleared completely so long as everything went okay.

As for what she was there for, Hiccup had been cleared to have the tube removed so the doctor could track how his blood pressure, nausea, and drowsiness improved or declined without a constant feed going.

Of course, the task of removing said tube wouldn’t necessarily be very  _ painful,  _ but it would be  _ very  _ uncomfortable for Hiccup since this wasn’t something he’d ever done before and he was already so uncomfortable emotionally as it was.

The nurse had a fairly easy time removing the medical tape on Hiccup’s cheek despite the tube twitching, but when she actually began removing it he panicked at the feeling and gagged. When she tried to remove it the second time he reflexively pulled away. The third time Stoick lay a hand on his left cheek so when Hiccup reflexively tried to flinch away from the hand on his right cheek he couldn’t move. Too self conscious to look at his father for comfort, Hiccup looked at Astrid who played with his fingers in a comforting gesture. She noticed the tears in Hiccup’s eyes but said nothing about it because she knew they were due to his gag reflex.

By the next morning Hiccup was allowed to go home. Ingrid welcomed Hiccup, Agnar, Astrid, and Stoick home and helped Stoick convince Hiccup that he still needed to rest as the doctor had recommended. He spent most of the next 48 hours in bed with Astrid either teasing him or sitting next to him, the girl occasionally accidently falling asleep next to him when there wasn’t anyone talking outside of the room to keep them awake. 

Hiccup would be able to get out again in a couple of days for their next therapist appointment together, but for now he needed rest to regain his energy, and to ease his stress so he could eat more easily.


	12. 'No Holding Back'-Easier Said Than Done (P1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Hiccup now out of the hospital, he and Astrid can finally attend regular therapy appointments today, which are crucial to attend as often as possible now before Hiccup can't go as often because of work. Now at the first appointment since Hiccup has grown much better than he was before, Hiccup and Astrid encounter who might be a new friend at the office, a boy who has very similar traits to Hiccup himself. Will they encounter this boy again? That will be answered in future chapters. For now, Hiccup and Astrid just have to work on getting passed their pride and anxiety so they can open up to a professional about what's bothering them and HOPEFULLY figure out a way to put this trauma behind them, at least the hardest parts of it. 
> 
> Part 1 of said appointment. Part 2 will be posted next chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT INFO!!!
> 
> -Do to some stuff going on in life I apologize for not updating as regularly as I was before. For now I am pre-writing 4 or 5 chapters ahead of time so this doesn't happen again and I can get back on my 'every other week' schedule, though the time taken to write those chapters ahead of time, as I did the first few chapters of this story, will require a break that could last 2 weeks, or another month or so. 
> 
> Regular updates will be every other week after that break happens, but do to me being too busy to write one week because of medical appointments and family related issues, I may take breaks like this past one for up to a month every few months-if it takes longer than a few months to finish this story-but those will be rare and every 5 to 6 chapters or more will be published within two weeks of each other on a normal updating basis.
> 
> Just letting you guys, gals, or whatever nickname you're okay with (dude, dudette, ya'll, people, etc) know ahead of time, this is going to be a longer break than future ones will be, as I am writing the chapters ahead of time to prevent breaks ever being this long again, so please bear with me and try to be understanding if I take a month and a half to update, though I will at least TRY to get a short chapter at the very least updated within the next 2 to 3 weeks.

Today would be Hiccup and Astrid’s second therapy appointment, the previous two that were scheduled to be cancelled due to Hiccup feeling unwell and Astrid’s headaches. Now that they were both feeling better, they were scheduled to see the therapist every other week, but would see her in between if it was needed.

The drive there was just as quiet as the previous one, Stoick being the only one who was driving them this time around.

Once Hiccup and Astrid checked into the office with Stoick standing nearby, they both took a seat next to each other a few chairs down from Hiccup’s father, wanting some space to themselves since they both saw the same therapist at the same time. 

“You alright?” Astrid asked when she saw Hiccup shifting in his seat, face contorting in discomfort. Hiccup looked at her with a warm smile, nodding his head. 

“For some reason I think the leftover sores hurt worse when I’m stressed out. It’s not very bad though, mostly just discomfort.” Anyone else who heard them would’ve had no idea what exactly Hiccup meant by ‘left over sores’.

Hiccup could see Astrid tense when a wave of mild nausea hit, an expression he’d learned to catch within the split second it happened over the past few days. He took her hand in his, brushing his thumb over her knuckles comfortingly. Astrid didn’t look at him but he could still see her smile. 

The sound of someone half-gasping half-coughing caught Hiccup off guard. It had come from his left side, Astrid being on his right. When he looked over he saw a darker skinned boy with green eyes, wearing all black, dark blue sneakers, and a surprised expression. Next to the boy was a tall, thin woman who didn’t look like she was related to him. She had lighter skin, and though Hiccup wasn’t good at identifying race he would’ve taken her as someone who had white skin and stayed in the sun often. She had blue eyes and red hair, wearing a bright yellow dress and high heels, her outfit not at all like the boy she seemed to be the guardian of. Due to the tightness of her dress Hiccup couldn’t help but notice she didn’t seem to have a typical female chest, though of course that wasn’t what he was looking for.

“You alright?” Hiccup asked the boy, turning to face him but still holding Astrid’s hand who hadn’t seemed to notice the sound Hiccup had heard. The boy raised an eyebrow, an expression that perfectly mirrored Hiccup’s when he himself was confused. 

The boy looked at the woman sitting beside him who nodded her head with a warm smile. He turned back to Hiccup, looking at his face, then looking down at Hiccup’s legs.

Hiccup didn’t always wear a shoe on his left leg unless he was going out or going shopping. He claimed the extra material on the bottom of his normally curved metal ‘foot’ threw him off balance, and the curved end without the shoe made it easy to walk quickly. Today Hiccup had worn green leggings that only reached his mid-calves, so the prosthetic was especially noticeable. 

“Are you wondering about my leg? Is that what you’re trying to say?” Hiccup wasn’t talking to the boy as if he was little because the darker skinned boy looked pretty close to his own age, maybe a tad bit older but Hiccup himself was a late bloomer so many thought he was younger than he was. Hiccup just knew in places like this there was a whole variety of people with different problems, including people who didn’t like to speak.

The boy cocked his head to the side, his eyes warming though he didn’t smile to match it. “Well yeah, I was curious about it.” He said in a quiet voice though it didn’t sound shy. He looked at Hiccup’s leg again. Somehow Hiccup didn’t find himself minding it. 

The woman next to the boy tapped his shoulder to get his attention suddenly. 

“T, there’s some people who don’t like it when you stare at things like that.” T-as his name apparently was, at least what he liked to be called by-suddenly looked surprised and his expression grew annoyed. 

“Why would he mind? It’s not like I’m not missing a leg too. If I was some random kid who knew nothing about the concept it would be different.” Hiccup and Astrid were both startled by the slightly loud outburst and the woman next to T tried to comfort him with a warm smile, which seemed to work. It was obvious he trusted her. 

Hiccup of course was less surprised by the loud voice and more surprised by the words T had spoken. 

“Come again? You said you…” Hiccup didn’t finish the sentence, instead looked at T while gesturing with his free hand to the boy’s legs. 

T raised an eyebrow, not getting what Hiccup was asking at first, but then he realized what he meant within a few seconds.

Instead of speaking T simply reached down to grab the end of his left pant leg. When he lifted it there was a prosthetic like Hiccup’s which cuffed at the same place Hiccup’s did. The only difference was why as Hiccup’s was a regular metal rod with a curved end, T’s prosthetic was a dark red painted rod with two connected parts so it had more flexibility.

“I see.” Hiccup said, his voice quiet. “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to your...err... _ other  _ leg.” Of course he meant the flesh one and not the right one.

T’s facial expression actually softened, not the exact reaction Hiccup was looking for, though there was anxiety in the boy’s eyes. 

“Up until I was 9 I lived with my biological mom and dad. My dad cut me with a broken bottle and it got infected. It wasn’t until a few months after it got infected that my mom took me to the hospital. They treated it and I was sent to another home until I was 15. When I was 15 the scar opened while I was running outside and I didn’t notice. It bled a lot and got water from the creak in it. It was removed after getting infected. I’ve had the prosthetic for two years now after I started living with Emily.” T didn’t smile though his voice held a smile, his hand gesturing to the woman sitting next to him who smiled and waved. 

Hiccup was surprised T had given out his story so quickly and with so much detail, though he seemed to take pride in the fact that that event had somehow sent him from whatever home he was in to Emily, so perhaps some parts of the story made him happy even if the topic made him anxious according to his expression. 

“And you?” T asked, not bothering to ask rather Hiccup  _ wanted  _ to answer or not since he’d already given his own answer. Hiccup actually smiled at the confidence in the boy’s tone of voice. 

“I fell into the creek around my cousin’s house when we were little and my leg got tangled in some old barbed wire. It would’ve been fine once they untangled it from me if the metal wasn’t as rusted as it was. I got a staph infection and it had to be removed. I didn’t get a prosthetic until 3 months after it healed.” Hiccup left out the part where his mother died in a car accident they were in when she was taking him to the appointment to try on the new prosthetic because that just wasn’t relevant.

“Huh...So you were a bit younger when it happened.” T said, his voice holding sympathy. Hiccup smiled warmly and nodded his head. “At least it gave me time to learn to walk again before I actually started hitting growth spurts.” Astrid smiled next to him though Hiccup couldn’t see it and she looked at Stoick to see the man smiling as well, though his eyes held a bit of past-induced-sorrow. They both liked the moments when Hiccup could open up about his weaknesses and be prideful about them. The only person he really did that with until now was Gobber, a double amputee. 

“You’re the only other person missing a leg I’ve met.” T said suddenly, his expression not changing much. “How old are you anyways?” 

Hiccup smiled, cocking his head to the side in confusion. T could sound so enthusiastic but he never once genuinely smiled. “I’m 17. We both are. You?” He gestured between himself and Astrid when he spoke.

  
T’s eyes seemed to brighten at that. “Same here. When’s your birthday? I was born on February 29th, a leap year. Pretty rare birthday, eh?” His voice almost seemed just as annoyed as prideful at the topic. Hiccup’s eyes widened and he felt Astrid’s grip on his hand tighten as she seemed surprised as well. 

“You’re kidding right? That’s  _ my  _ birthday too.” His voice had just as much of a laugh to it as it did surprise. T seemed surprised by this fact too. 

“Dang. We could be twins.” Yeah they looked nothing alike, but Hiccup knew he was joking around. 

“Perhaps. If we ever meet up outside of here we should share our 18th birthday parties, yeah?” Hiccup said with a smile. Astrid chuckled next to him and he looked at her confused, not quite getting what she found so funny. 

T raised a finger to respond though before he could Linda called for Hiccup and Astrid. They both stood, looking at Stoick to make sure everything was alright. He nodded, letting them know he wanted them to have this one to themselves. T was left sitting there waiting for his own appointment, and before long Emily and Stoick got into a conversation while T himself played on his phone with headphones in. 

“How are you guys today? This’ll be your first time coming in without the adults with you.” Admittedly Linda spoke to the two of them like they were younger than they were as they walked through the few hallways leading to her office, but her voice was sweet and she was obviously trying to be kind. 

“Well, it’s been better now that Hiccup’s out of the hospital. He was there for a few days this past week.” Astrid was the first one to speak, her hand still in Hiccup’s as they went through the door Linda had opened for them and sat on the couch inside of her small room, Hiccup on the left and Astrid on the right.

“Yes, your father called in yesterday saying he didn’t know if you guys were going to make it or not, but then called again and told me Hiccup was released. I don’t have many of the details though.” Linda looked at Hiccup, leaning forward slightly in her small chair. “Care to share anything about what happened?”

Hiccup looked down at his hands, then at Astrid. His eyes were filled with anxiety and bashfulness at the same time. A few seconds of silence went by before he answered.

“Actually I’d prefer not to if it’s all the same to you. It’s not really something you just talk about. What’s important is that what happened is over with and I have follow up appointments to make sure everything is still fine, so there’s really no danger now.”

Astrid smiled and squeezed Hiccup’s hand lovingly, happy he was being as talkative as he was and confident enough to say he didn’t want to talk about certain things.

Linda respected the decision and responded with nothing more than a nod of her head. She pulled out their file to read over the basic stuff from the last visit before filing it away and looking back at the young couple. 

“Alright. Well, I know this environment tends to be happy and honestly misleading, and I can tell you that because I know you’re old enough to see past it, and I completely understand there may be some dark things going on here…” She gestured to the both of them. “...that you won’t want to talk about. As I said last time, I don’t appreciate lying, but you can always say you don’t want to talk about something, and if a fib does come out at some time for whatever the reason might be, like a reflex or trying to cover something up for someone else, you both will never get in trouble for it. I want to build trust, but you won’t get punished for anything you say, even if it is a lie. Again, the most healthy thing to do though to build that trust and lower stress is to skip the question instead.”

Hiccup and Astrid both looked at each at the same time, reading each other’s gazes for a few seconds before nodding their heads as if coming to a silent agreement and turning back to Linda. 

“We get ya.” Hiccup answered, Astrid nodding her head in agreement. Linda smiled at the absolute trust and connection between them. 

“Alright. As I said before this is your first time here without the adults.” The change in tone was a little surprising. Linda was no longer speaking to them as if they were 10 year olds but rather in a tone of voice like they were adults just like her. They both guessed on the way to the office she always played the kind, sweet, baby-talking role to soothe the anxieties of patients before they actually got to the office.

“Is there anything you’d like to share with me now, that you didn’t want to in front of your parents? So long as you’re not planning on hurting yourself or someone else no information will be shared with your parents, and if you do say you’re going to do something drastic I will tell you before I ever let anyone else know so you have the choice to be in the room or not. Other than that, what’s said in here stays in here.”

Astrid looked slightly confused, not exactly understanding what Linda meant by things they wouldn’t have wanted to say in front of their parents. Hiccup didn’t really have a readable expression, his gaze all over the place as he took in the different decorations in the room. He’d always been rather prideful, so something like talking about his problems with a therapist obviously caused discomfort. 

Astrid was there for him though as he was for her. That’s the way it's always been. 

“I don’t really understand what there is to say. I’m not the best at starting the conversations during these kinds of things. I do better with leads, rules, and directions. Honestly speaking something like just letting out your problems to someone without any real path to follow is foreign to me. I’m a planner I guess.” Astrid said, her gaze falling on Hiccup as he continued looking around. She could almost see the gears turning in that brain of his as he analyzed the looks of everything. 

Yep, that was her boyfriend. 

Linda nodded in understanding and looked at Hiccup. With years of practice she could easily spot his slightly well-hidden discomfort just as Astrid had. 

“Anything on your mind Hiccup?” Hiccup seemed startled to suddenly be called out and he rubbed the back of his neck with a bashful smile, a nervous tick of his. Astrid had noticed he was a lot more jittery and jumpy today since he’d just come off of bed rest. For someone who was constantly working, hanging out outside, or at least doing something with his hands like online schooling or drawing, this was completely understandable and honestly expected. 

“Not really. Same as Astrid, I’m not really good at starting these kinds of things. I’m better at just answering the questions.” He was blushing now, having such pride he was scared to say any of the problems he had outloud. 

Astrid suddenly felt that now common discomfort in her belly and her hand flew to her stomach. Hiccup’s eyes widened and he immediately reached for her, one arm around her shoulders and the other one on her hand. He could see how flushed his girlfriend was and it gave him goosebumps because though he knew this was a natural thing, he still worried greatly about her.

The therapist watched the interaction, smiling comfortingly as she’d learned to do and holding her notepad in her lap. She wrote down something, a few circles with words in them that Hiccup couldn’t read due to the small handwriting and distance between them.

“Are you feeling okay, Astrid?” Linda asked kindly, wanting to make sure her clients were as comfortable as they could be in this conversation so they could make the most progress talking about their actual discomforts.

Astrid looked up with wide eyes at first, then smiled and allowed her bangs to fall over one eye as if she was subconsciously hiding herself. She gripped the rim of her blue shirt, just above her skirt line, and tightened her hands into fists when the nausea flared back up for a second before going down completely. 

“I’m fine.” Her voice was just a tad bit higher in pitch than was usual which caused Hiccup to hold her closer, one arm around her shoulders and his free hand on her hand that was holding onto the rim of her shirt.

Hiccup looked at Astrid, then at Linda. His expression was partially unreadable, though there was a hint of worry in his eyes. 

“Alright. You just look a little uncomfortable.” Linda continued, still smiling kindly. Astrid looked up at her, bangs still partially in her eyes. 

“Yeah...I’ve been getting a little nauseous recently. I’ve also had headaches…” Her voice dropped slightly, hand in Hiccup’s squeezing his fingers for reassurance, not used to talking about her problems so openly.

“So anyways...Yeah, It’s because of the pregnancy I guess...My mother had the same symptoms when she was pregnant with me actually.” Astrid had her head ducked slightly, not because she was being shy because that wasn’t the type of person she was, but rather because she was embarrassed and felt weak expressing things like this to other people rather than just dealing with it on her own.

Hiccup turned to Linda, watching her facial expression to see if she was preparing to say something or not. When she remained quiet his fingers twitched against Astrid’s, his eyes darting every which way as he thought about what to say. He didn’t see it when she looked at him, patiently waiting for him to say whatever was on his mind. 

Which made sense because there was  _ always  _ something on his mind.

_ What do you even say to someone like this? It’s not like this is casual conversation.  _

Hiccup thought to himself as his eyes landed on his hand in Astrid’s. He thought deeply, watching her fingers flex and wondering what he should and shouldn’t say. He was a prideful man but also had a lot of stuff he wanted to say to  _ someone,  _ though he never really told anyone anything, no one having even known about the self harm habit he’d had in the past.

So really, what should he have said? It was obvious Linda was waiting for  _ something  _ like she’d already figured some big puzzle out, but he didn’t know what she was  _ even wanting  _ and it made him anxious, made his hand squeeze Astrid’s tighter.

Still, after a moment of silence, Linda just kept quiet and continued to wait for one of them to speak.


	13. 'No Holding Back'-Easier Said Than Done (P2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of 'No Holding Back, Easier said than done'. 
> 
> Later in the chapter, Hiccup gets a surprising sender.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So happy to finally be updating again for you guys and gals! Still have a lot of appointments and stuff, but I'm going to try as hard as a can to get a chapter up every week to two weeks, which will be a lot easier now that I have been practicing writing on my phone as well as my computer.

“I don’t...I uh…” Hiccup mumbled, still holding Astrid close even though she was feeling better. She leaned closer to him, laying her head in the crook under his arm and between his chest and shoulder. Hiccup smiled in response, realizing how tightly he was holding her and relaxing his hold.

“I guess when the topic of this whole thing comes up I stutter around it. I guess it’s not easy to talk about. I’m not really upset Astrid got pregnant...I just...I just know that kind of thing makes it harder to pursue a life as we’re growing into adults.” Hiccup’s eyes widened slightly and he tried to smile to hide whatever he’d thought he’d said wrong. “That doesn’t mean I’m going to leave her of course. Rather having a child would make life harder or not doesn’t matter to me. If it’s my child I’m going to be there for it too.” He finished, looking down at Astrid who was looking up at him with wide, curious baby blues, expression partially unreadable but definitely caring.

Linda smiled warmly and nodded her head once more. She set her paper on the desk to her left before sitting forward again with her hands folded over each other.

“I get it. It’s great that you both take responsibility even though what happened was against your will.” Linda looked at Astrid who squirmed, making herself sit up instead of under Hiccup’s arm. Her boyfriend didn’t feel bad about it, knowing Astrid had a hard time making romantic gestures in public. 

“Yeah. To pretend it never happened would just be wrong.” Hiccup said with a little more confidence, looking at Astrid who smiled at him warmly. 

  
Linda smiled as she saw the two teens growing much more comfortable with each other. There was something else she was noticing too, with Hiccup’s protective body language and how insistent he was on saying he was staying even though it was obvious Astrid believed him. Still, she didn’t say anything about it yet.

“I agree. It’s why I...when they gave me a few papers with options for terminating the pregnancy in the beginning...I threw them away immediately. I don’t know...this whole pregnancy wasn’t something I  _ wanted.. _ .” Astrid’s voice was a little more shy than usual which was typical when she was talking about her pregnancy. Her tone was a little high in pitch as she leaned back against the office’s couch which was pressed up against the walls of the small room. She pushed her bangs behind her left ear and tried to make eye contact, feeling insecure for being shy.

“But...Well I mean I don’t really have any health problems….We have the resources we need...and honestly, even if doing that kind of thing  _ would  _ have been the best thing for me and the baby in an alternative situation, I’m just afraid that if I ever did go through with that, I might regret it later on in life or feel guilty. I get there are some people who don’t feel that way towards the whole thing...but I’m instinctively a protector, and I guess it’s also that thing I’ve been taught growing up, to ‘put others before myself’. My mom is also a children’s nurse and she has always been _ very  _ against the whole subject, which makes a little bit of sense since she literally works with children. I don’t want to spend the next 18 to 20 years taking care of someone who will depend on me like that, or even longer if for some reason the child was born with some sort of mental disability or something. I want to go to university so I can help disabled people with fun exercise or rehabilitation at a gym specifically for them, it’s my dream and I know going to university to get my degree would be a  _ lot  _ harder with a child. At the same time, I don’t want to get rid of the person who’s going to be that...burden for me. I don’t think of this pregnancy as just a pregnancy...as just a growing  _ thing... _ that's my..m-my  _ baby  _ inside of me.” Astrid stuttered quietly when she said that as if she was admitting something that was hard to say.

“It’s...hard to explain. I had a friend-I’m not going to say her name, but she terminated her pregnancy due to her father being so against the baby. She was only 15 and so new to her relationship with her ex, so I guess I can  _ try _ to understand it...but I’m just different than that.”

As Astrid spoke she didn’t notice Hiccup was tense beside her. His eyebrows were scrunched up in deep thought, and his fingernails were scratching into his palms every now and again. His eyes were gazing at his own knees and his hair was falling partially into his face. What was weird was he didn’t even notice that detail, one that normally irritated him causing him to push his bangs away. If she hadn’t been so determined to explain herself to Linda, Astrid would’ve easily realized something was wrong.

Though Linda was listening intently to what Astrid was saying and writing a note down about her mentioning once thinking on the subject of terminating the pregnancy due to her friend once doing the same thing, she also noticed Hiccup’s strange behavior and wrote down what words made him flinch, which phrases made his brain tick, those gears to stutter in their natural movements in his mind causing him to blink a few times suddenly or scratch his palms.

He looked angry, scared, and confused all at the same time, but something about his body language told Linda Hiccup wasn’t angry with Astrid, nor was he scared of her.

“Do you want to add anything onto that, Hiccup?” Linda asked, eyes on Hiccup as he was startled out of his deep thought process, jumping a little in his skin.  _ Now  _ Astrid realized something was going on with him, though didn’t try to play counselor or big sister. Linda was here for both of them,  _ Astrid _ would leave it to the professional and allow herself to only think about  _ Astrid _ for this small period of time. Her dad mainly told her that she needed it, and she’d respect anything he told her.

“I uh...well there’s not really anything to add.  _ Astrid  _ is the one who’s pregnant, so talking about the choices a woman has to make while pregnant isn’t something  _ I  _ can really give much input on. I don’t know how it feels of course, and I don’t know what you’re supposed to do and what you’re not supposed to do while pregnant either.” Hiccup said, rubbing the back of his neck and smiling awkwardly, obviously a little bashful about being startled from such a deep state of concentration. 

Linda nodded her head, but her questioning wasn’t over.

“It doesn’t just have to be about the physical effects of pregnancy, Hiccup. You are affected because she’s your girlfriend. You will watch her struggle, and you will help her as you promised her you would. It takes two people to create a child, and that child is yours too. The idea of the pregnancy has to affect you in  _ some  _ way. I want to hear how it does so.”

Hiccup was now tense again, fiddling with his hands. Astrid noticed his increasing stress and couldn’t help herself from putting a hand on his shoulder even though she knew he was a person who liked space when he was anxious. Hiccup leaned into the touch, only ever accepting it from Astrid if he was in a state like this.

“Well...I don’t really think too much about it because when I do I worry about her. I know she doesn’t want that.” Hiccup began, fiddling with his fingers even more, eyebrows knitting together as he looked at his hands in his lap, bent over slightly in his seat. Astrid’s hand began rubbing small circles into the back of his shoulder, making him let out a breath.

Astrid was someone who-with some coaxing-would give up her deep thoughts to someone she trusted, and once they got her through the initial wall of starting, she was okay with continuing. 

_ Hiccup,  _ on the other hand, was someone who was the  _ most _ scared of being weak in front of the people _ close to him.  _ When someone got him to start talking he could shy back into bottling up his emotions over and over again before they finally got him to just talk about what was bothering him. He tried to hide physical and emotional pain just as she did, but the only difference between Astrid and Hiccup was Hiccup didn’t know when he really needed to tell someone, or he did and was just too prideful to do so. Astrid was often like that, so prideful she didn’t tell someone if she was feeling sick or had a minor injury like a sprained wrist or bleeding cut, but though she was prideful she wasn’t stupid and knew when something was out of her control.

“Go on?” Linda asked after a moment of silence. Hiccup looked up, confused.

“There’s not much more to add onto that?” He replied in a questioning tone of voice. Linda only smiled.

“Of course there is. You just need to think about it and tell us what you’re thinking.” Astrid found herself smiling too. She liked people like Linda. Gentle when needed but also often to the point. She also knew just the right thing to say when it came to people like Hiccup it seemed. 

When Hiccup only responded with a shrug of his shoulders and a nervous smile, silently telling Linda and Astrid that he didn’t know how to give the answers they were asking for, Linda decided to continue her gentle pushing just a little bit more.

“I’ve noticed some of the things you’ve said during your past two visits and the way you act around your girlfriend reflects how protective you are of her.” Linda began, shifting in her seat so she could kind-of face both teens in the room. 

“If her being pregnant makes you this anxious-even if that anxiety only comes from wanting to protect her-that’s certainly something you could talk about with someone like me. Concern is a good thing, it shows sympathy, and your protectiveness reflects your loyalty, but when that starts causing enough anxiety to make you so tense and worried about the smallest things, it’s not healthy.”

Hiccup listened closely to what the therapist was saying, his eyes on her hands as they moved while she talked, blue painted fingernails scratching her joints every now and then, her hands moving faster when she talked about anxiety. He was listening, yeah, but he also tried to focus on something else like said hands a little bit to keep his mind from coming up with random things or worries because of what Linda was saying.

Was he over obsessing and being over protective of Astrid? He knew very well she knew how to take care of herself, but then he also found himself wondering about the future, if certain foods could make her sick, if she was drinking enough water. He was worried about his illness keeping her awake at night before he went to the hospital, and he always wondered if the fight between denial and reality stressed her out too much, when honestly speaking he should’ve been mainly making sure that didn’t stress  _ him  _ out too much because if he was out of commission he couldn’t help  _ her. _

Even while thinking about keeping himself from stressing out for those past few seconds, Hiccup  _ still  _ came back to worrying about Astrid he realized. That was normal though, for him to worry about his girlfriend.

Was he worrying about her when nothing was wrong though? Why was he being so damned overprotective when he  _ knew  _ how strong Astrid was? He never wanted her to feel like she had to hide things because he became a hovering protective bear like he had once felt when his father wouldn’t leave him alone after he’d lost his leg, the death of his wife making Stoick even  _ more  _ unbearable even if he was just trying to do the right thing.

Then again, Hiccup knew that Astrid was pregnant with his baby, and somehow that made him unable to keep from being so protective. It wasn’t because he thought Astrid might have some sort of accident that would hurt the baby, he trusted her beyond anyone else with being able to protect someone, even someone as vulnerable as a baby in the womb. If anyone was a born protector, it was Astrid Hofferson.

No. The thought of Astrid being pregnant with Hiccup’s child made him so anxious because he knew that if anything ever hurt or even killed Astrid  _ because  _ she was pregnant, he’d never forgive himself for it even if what Linda had said was true, it took two people to create that child. He didn’t just put it in her or something.

He was Hiccup though, illogical fear for people he cared deeply about just came with the package. 

“I’m not anxious because she’s pregnant.” Hiccup finally breathed out once he got his thoughts at least a little in check, calming himself slightly by focusing on Astrid’s hand on his shoulder. “I’m not. I just...I just…”

Hiccup sighed and closed his eyes. “I have seen very serious situations involving pregnancy. I’ve heard of many more. I don’t...I can’t...I just can’t imagine if something happened....I know she’s strong and even has a strong immune system, but I just have that...th-that  _ irrational fear  _ that something could happen  _ because  _ she’s pregnant, and I don’t want anything to happen that could  _ cause  _ that bad thing to happen. I have full faith that emotionally and physically Astrid can handle having a baby. There is not a single doubt in my mind that that is true. I just worry that something could happen...I don’t know I…”

Hiccup shut his mouth and bit his bottom lip, forcing himself to stop because he knew if he continued his rambling he would keep saying nothing that followed itself and would wind up confusing the heck out of the two women in the room. 

Astrid smiled warmly at Hiccup’s care and the amount of faith he said he had in her. Here she was worrying over the smallest things and Hiccup didn’t think she would have any problem keeping her strength up.

He was still so worried though, his anxiety over the subject countering his beliefs.

Not knowing exactly what to say in reply to Hiccup’s admissions, mainly because she didn’t know which part to answer first, Linda decided to try at something simple, something she often told many people when they were dealing with something bad that had happened to them. 

“You know it’s not your fault, right?” Hiccup and Astrid both turned to Linda, Hiccup’s eyebrow raised and hand moving to hold Astrid’s that was on his shoulder.

“Come again?” Hiccup asked, expression curious but also deeply confused.  _ That one  _ was a  _ bit  _ off topic to say the least.

“I was just making sure you knew that deep down. I mean it for both of you, but right now I’m talking directly to you for the most part, Hiccup.” Linda replied, smiling warmly but voice a tad bit stern, more authoritative than anything, like a mother or big sister trying to make you remember or  _ really hear  _ something.

“It’s not your fault that happened. As I said before, it takes two people to make a child, even if it was against the both of your will. It’s not  _ your fault  _ specifically that Astrid got pregnant.” Linda gestured to Astrid as she spoke, voice a little quieter now but still stern, almost determined. Astrid cocked her head to the side, not understanding where Linda was going with this. She had already said she knew it wasn’t her fault, that this baby  _ wasn’t something she wanted _ , but that she was going to raise it regardless. She didn’t want to have unprotected sex with Hiccup at that point in time, it wasn’t their fault it had happened, but she was still pregnant regardless, and she had learned she could live with that.

Hiccup had said he believed the same when they were in that basement holding each other and she had told him it wasn’t his fault, that she knew he didn’t like what had happened and wouldn’t have hurt her if it wouldn’t have kept her from being hurt much worse. He had said he believed her, that he knew what she said was true. Did Linda not believe Hiccup knew it wasn’t his fault that she had gotten pregnant? They’d both been victims back then.

“I-I know that.” Hiccup said with determination in his eyes, hand still holding Astrid’s on his shoulder. He squeezed her a little tighter after he said it. 

Linda nodded her head and smiled.

“I know someone in your position might blame yourself for what happened because you knew deep down your girlfriend didn’t want what happened. I don’t want you to feel guilty because  _ you  _ were hurt too. I need you to know that it’s not your fault for what happened.”

Linda leaned forward, her head moving to the side slightly and eyes holding warmth, but also curiosity as she thought about the next thing to say. It was like she was investigating something the two of them weren’t saying, a silent voice, rather than what they  _ were  _ saying out loud. 

Hiccup shifted, nodding his head. “Yeah, I know. Don’t worry about it.”

Well  _ now  _ Astrid was confused because of the way his voice cracked and wavered.

“Hiccup.” Astrid turned so she was facing him and tugged on Hiccup’s arm so he’d face her too. Linda watched the interaction quietly, respectively. 

“You know I’m not upset with  _ you  _ at all, right? No one should be. We were both victims... _ back there. _ ” She knew he’d understand what point in time she was talking about.

Hiccups raised an eyebrow, now confused, and nodded his head quickly. “Yeah. Yeah I know, Astrid. I know.” He whispered the last part, his voice kind and warm, trying to show fake honesty...at least partially fake.

“You see that’s the thing...I feel like you’re saying that because that’s what you want others and yourself to believe. I don’t think you really believe that, Hiccup.” Astrid was now looking into his eyes for any signs of discomfort, like she might’ve been pushing a little too hard in front of a stranger like Linda, even if she was a professional. She  _ knew  _ Hiccup’s pride and how it worked.

The discomfort showed when he had to blink a few times and his eyes shifted downwards for a moment, the inability to make eye contact for periods of time always something he did when anxious or bashful, though it only lasted a few seconds.

“I know Astrid. I-I know it’s not my fault. It’s not your fault, not mine. Jera and Gale are at fault.” How long had it been since he’d said their names so clearly and collectively?

Astrid’s gaze turned determined. It was practically the exact same thing he’d said at the hospital when she’d first learned she was pregnant just a few hours after they were rescued.

“Do you really mean it though?” She had to voice her thoughts even if she’d sworn she’d come here focusing on herself more than him. Only worrying about her own feelings just wasn’t possible. If Hiccup was uncomfortable, she was uncomfortable, and it went the same way vice versa. If anyone wanted them to get over the anxiety they had from their experiences, they had to be allowed to help each other just as much as they were helping themselves.

  
  


Hiccup’s smile faltered and he looked at Linda who nodded with a smile, her eyes and hands making that typical ‘go on’ gesture many people used when trying to make him forget his damned pride and open up. A little too quick and exaggerated for such a simple gesture, but who wouldn’t be over excited to finally hear him saying something about his feelings after he’d so stubbornly kept it in for the hour they had with Linda? He then looked back at Astrid, eyes almost fearful for reasons even he didn’t know.

“I-I do. I  _ know  _ that.” Hiccup sighed, eyes closing and voice cracking as if whatever thought he’d just had made him emotional-though he was never one to become visibly emotional without at least  _ trying  _ to hide it. He was Stoick’s son after all.

“You just can’t ask me to not blame myself though. I-I can’t help it. I can’t…” Hiccup sighed and blinked a few times, hands moving to hold onto Astrid’s before he faced her again, voice even more cracked this time and higher in pitch than it was before.

“I just worry so much about you I guess.” Whatever he was thinking about was hurting him. Astrid could tell. It was barely visible, but she could see that sheet of glass glazing his forest greens over, his lips a straight line. She couldn’t help it when she leaned forward and hugged him tightly, arms around his shoulders. He returned the embrace quickly, not quite understanding his own emotions at the moment. 

Somehow...Astrid didn’t realize the way her heart was squeezing and the way her eyes stung until she was hugging him, and she didn’t even know why she felt the way she did. At least she wasn’t crying. She’d had enough of crying.

Linda watched the interaction, closing her eyes and nodding to herself with a tiny warm smile. This wasn’t exactly how she’d planned for the appointment to go, as a part of her had expected the two of them to speak more about specific incidences that had happened that they hadn’t wanted to say in front of their parents, but learning to open up about their unidentified emotions-even if was just with each other and each other only-was just as much of an accomplishment. She was just there to listen and give advice, ensuring their safety in the rare situation all therapists of a few years like her had been through. Of course she’d have to save the other topic for next time as they only had about 7 minutes left according to the wall clock, every appointment being 50-55 minutes long per a patient.

“It’s not your fault. If anything happened to me it wouldn’t be your fault, and I’m not saying it will. It’s just...don’t blame yourself Hiccup. It’s not your fault I’m pregnant. You  _ know  _ there’s nothing we could’ve done to prevent it, even if we didn’t want it.” She didn’t necessarily mean the  _ baby  _ when she said ‘it’, but rather the concept of having sex and getting pregnant in general. It wasn’t the baby’s fault it was being born after all.

“I-I know.” Hiccup felt water on his face and quickly realized he had started crying. He tucked his face into the spot between her shoulder and neck so anyone around wouldn’t be able to see it. Astrid smiled and nuzzled his hair, happy he trusted her with things like his emotions and protecting him from having other people judge those emotions, something he feared.

“Can we just...stop talking about this? I mean...we’re pretty even here. You talked about your opinions and acceptance, and I talked about whatever  _ this  _ is…” He gestured at nothing in particular with his hands, face still tucked into Astrid’s shoulder. “I’m pretty sure we don’t have a whole lot of time left. Do we  _ have  _ to keep talking about such deep and dark stuff?” There was his sarcastic voice that came out whenever he was trying to cover any emotions he didn’t like. Astrid and Linda actually couldn’t help but laugh quietly just because of how sudden his change in mood happened, ultimately making Hiccup chuckle to himself too and lift his face away from Astrid’s body, though he still held her hands in his. 

“Seriously though, I just want to leave here happy...like  _ this. _ ” He gestured to her smile while still holding her hand, bringing Astrid’s hand up with his as he did so. “Yeah, I get the docs say we need this, but that doesn’t mean  _ everything  _ has to be talking about what happened and crying.” 

Astrid’s eyes widened. Had he just said he was crying out loud? That wasn’t Hiccup at all. Usually if he  _ did  _ cry he acted like nothing had happened afterwards.

“We still have lives to attend to m’lady.” His voice grew more playful, obviously trying to make Astrid happy instead of shocked or surprised like her facial expression suggested. She nodded in reply, agreeing with her boyfriend one hundred percent.

To  _ always  _ be sad and crying over what had happened would be letting Jera and Gale win.

The appointment ended minutes later. Hiccup and Astrid met up with Stoick outside of the room, Hiccup somehow lighter despite looking as tense as he was, the topic of talking to someone else about his emotions and actually  _ crying  _ in front of them obviously making him uncomfortable. T had already left after his appointment ended early 3 minutes previously, though Stoick had apparently gotten Emily’s phone number when she talked about how similar Hiccup and her own son were.

“Did your appointment go well?” Stoick asked from the driver’s seat while Hiccup and Astrid sat hand in hand in the back seat. He pulled into the drive through of a nearby taco restaurant, turning to face them with his shoulder pressed against the brown leather seat once they’d pulled to a stop. “Eh, what do you guys want? Ingrid’s off work so we’re all eating takeout.” 

Hiccup looked at Astrid, shrugging his shoulders with a smile. “If I can get a taco salad with extra olives that’d be great. Also it went as expected I guess.” Astrid smiled and nodded, turning to Stoick. “I just want a burrito. Can I get a half and half tea too?”    
  


Stoick nodded, turning even further in his seat to look at his son. “Anything to drink?”

“Sprite.” Hiccup replied quickly, getting a notification on his phone suddenly when it buzzed in his back pocket. The message he saw surprised him. 


	14. How Different are Things Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After receiving a text from his cousin who had endured the abuse he himself had endured when they were much younger at the hands of Gale, Hiccup is left wondering just how much what happened to him and Astrid is affecting their friends. There is some obvious hesitance and tension among their friend group as everyone is trying to find where their boundaries are, even after Hiccup and Astrid insist they're not little kids and can be treated normally.

**_Stoick nodded, turning even further in his seat to look at his son. “Anything to drink?”_ **

**_“Sprite.” Hiccup replied quickly, getting a notification on his phone suddenly when it buzzed in his back pocket. The message he saw surprised him._ **

**-**

_ “I knew you guys were missing, and wanted to give you some time before messaging to see if you and Astrid were okay after everything that happened. Dad told me who was arrested, so I figured I’d message you first.”  _

Hiccup had very few people in his contacts on his phone as he didn’t call or text people as much as he actually interacted with them in person. This was why when a select few people he didn’t even remember giving his number to messaged him after he was rescued he didn’t even respond.

This one, though, was from his cousin Snotlout Jorgenson, the son of his mother’s brother.

Snotlout had been there all those years ago when Gale had first expressed his sexual attraction to children and teens, and Jera had never once stopped him from doing it. No one knew about what he was doing because he’d only do it when Hiccup and Snotlout were alone or Spitelout-Snotlout’s dad-was there and didn’t recognize the activity, didn’t see the hidden meaning behind certain touches and gestures. No one really thought to look out for it, since at the peak of things getting the worst right before Hiccup’s aunt had broken off the friendship with Jera after finally figuring out the kind of anxiety her nephews were developing around Gale, Hiccup and Snotlout were only somewhere around 10 years old, though he couldn’t remember their age back then exactly because it wasn’t something he liked to think about often. No one would’ve suspected one of the ‘family members’ were developing an attraction to two children that young.

_ “You don’t have to worry about when you can or can’t text ‘Lout. You can message about this stuff whenever you want, we’re not little kids, we can take it. What did you want to talk about anyways?” _

Hiccup responded in kind, happy that his cousin-who he had a typically good ‘family’ relationship with that also came with the scolding and arguing that happened between cousins and siblings-cared the way he did, but didn’t want him to tread on eggshells with himself and Astrid. Snotlout was a good friend of Astrid’s too even if they had mock-fights more than they had conversations. 

Their other friends were the twins, Ruffnut and Tuffnut, who Hiccup had met through Astrid. He’d grown to like them and their imagination, though they only typically hung out in school or on weekends Hiccup wasn’t working, and he was a little hesitant around them since they’d been in trouble with the police-never arrested, just scolded and reported-and they fought with each other constantly. Fishlegs was a boy a few months younger than them and ahead one grade. He had been Hiccup’s friend since before he’d even met Astrid, though they only began really hanging out outside of school once Hiccup became more social and less in his own world thanks to Snotlout and Astrid encouraging him to hang out in group activities. Heather was also his friend, a girl his age who he almost treated like a sister, but she only regularly hung out with Astrid. Her older brother, Dagur, was a bit closer with him. 

Come to think of it, Hiccup wondered if his other friends had any idea why he and Astrid weren’t going to school, and if they might’ve been worried about them. Had Snotlout ever told them his cousin and Astrid were being homeschooled online? They probably knew Hiccup and Astrid had been kidnapped and rescued because of the things people had said on the local news, and every one of their friends watched TV even if some did much less than others (Fishlegs had a small fear of watching Television for too long because he read science books too often that had made him paranoid because of the ‘bright pictures’ and ‘blue lighting’). 

If they did know though, how come none of them had been calling, texting, or meeting up? He wasn’t upset with them because he nor Astrid had offered to hang out either, so focused on school work and Hiccup’s time in the hospital they hadn’t had much free time, but was everyone as afraid to say something that could trigger them as Snotlout was? Even Ruffnut and Tuffnut?

Hiccup was so lost in thought he hadn’t even realized the car had moved forward until Stoick passed their drinks to them in the back seat. Hiccup took a sip of his and put it in the cup holder before turning to look at Astrid who had her large, see through cup of tea in her lap.

“Have you got any messages from Heather or the twins? You know, wondering why we’re not at school or something? I know they hang out with you more than myself.” Hiccup reached over to grab Astrid’s hand who smiled and linked her fingers around his, setting her palm on the seat between them and leaning closer to him subconsciously. 

“No. I figured they’re just...hesitant or something like that. I mean, they  _ know  _ we’re not little kids, but I think any friends of friends who had been kidnapped and rescued would be scared to message because they just don’t know what to say. It surprises me because Heather specifically is usually such a confident, straightforward person, but I can understand it. We haven’t exactly arranged any meetings with them either since we’ve been so busy.”

Hiccup smiled warmly, reminded of Astrid’s distinct ability to always know what to say and her talent with understanding and reading people. She wasn’t a very emotional or sympathetic person, and if you were pitying yourself for too long she was most definitely the kind of person who would tell you to get up on your feet and do something about it rather than just sitting around and letting whatever was wrong with you take control of your life, but when it came to her friends, family, or other people she cared about, she learned quickly and could immediately tell if anything was ever wrong and figure out how to understand it.

“Where do you come up with these things?” Astrid laughed when Hiccup said it, pushing her bangs away from her face and looking at their hands holding onto each other. 

“Does it really matter?”

A moment was exchanged between them, silent and warm as they just looked at their hands with warm eyes, but the moment soon ended when the car hit a bump in the road, causing it to jerk and some of Astrid’s cold tea to land on her shirt, making her yelp and pull away from Hiccup to hold her cup steady.

“Ah young love. Sorry to end the moment, didn’t see that speed bump coming.” Stoick said, a laugh escaping his lips when he saw the teens’ flustered look in the rear-view mirror. Hiccup glared at the back of his father’s seat for a few moments before he felt his phone finally buzz again, letting him know Snotlout had texted back.

_ “I was mainly just wondering how you were doing, and, well, you know I’m not usually so  _ **_worried_ ** _ about you two, I got my  _ **_own_ ** _ life to worry about. Life  _ **_Snotlout._ ** _ Anyways..yeah, I didn’t know if you’d want to meet up or something like that. The twins won’t stop bugging me about you because they know I’m the best source for information, and Heather has been acting like she wants to strangle someone ever since you guys went missing, even now. I thought meeting up at some point would calm everyone down, let them know you’re  _ **_really_ ** _ okay. Fishlegs missed a day of school because he threw up in the bathroom getting all anxious about whether or not he could text you too, so if we hung out I don’t know if he’d be up for it.” _

Hiccup read the message a few times over as they drove down the main road between different shops-a bunch of brick buildings either selling clothes, antics, flowers, or furniture next to each other leading up to the stop light-surprised by not only the hidden affection in Snotlout’s words, but the fact that the mere  _ idea  _ of messaging Astrid and himself was causing so much anxiety among their friends.

Who else felt this way? Gobber? Their own  _ parents?  _ It was hidden pretty well if they were  _ this  _ anxious. A small bit of bitterness came over Hiccup, realizing how much his life was changing in such a short period of time all because of those few weeks in that basement. At the same time, he felt warm at the idea of their friends being so worried.

“Hey, check this out.” Hiccup handed Astrid his phone, voice full of confliction and confusion. He reached for Astrid’s lap so he could hold her cup steady between her legs while she held the phone with both hands.

“I guess that confirms what we were thinking.” Astrid said after a few moments, her voice a little sad. “They’ll get over it though. We’re the gang, we  _ always  _ get over it.” 

Hiccup smiled brightly at her words, his eyes warming at the confidence in her voice. He waited for her to have both hands on her cup before he let go, taking his phone from her and looking through his five or six notifications for other apps on his phone. 

After he’d thought about what to say, Hiccup decided to text Snotlout back just as they were pulling onto the dirt road that would lead to their large house. 

_ “We’ll find a day once I start working again and know my schedule. We’ve got to catch up on our online-schooling before going out, but it should only take a few weeks to find a proper schedule. I’m sure I can get Gobber to give me a half-day in a couple of weeks and we can go somewhere to eat. Try to get Fishlegs to text me. Alright? I’m worried about him.” _

Right after Hiccup sent the message the car came to a stop in the gravelly driveway. Astrid got out first, cradling her cup in the crook of her arm and holding her phone in her free hand. Hiccup stepped out of the car with his drink held, offering to grab the bags of food from his father and carry them inside so Stoick could carry the other drinks for the rest of the family members, both Hofferson and Haddock.

The house was quiet, Ingrid writing an email on her laptop and Agnar ironing his favorite button up top, when Hiccup, Astrid, and Stoick walked through the front door. While Hiccup and Astrid went to sit on the couch and set their drinks on the glass-lidded coffee table near the TV which was playing the local news, Stoick went to the back of the room and set the bags of food on the marble kitchen countertop.

“Who’s hungry?!” Stoick’s voice boomed through the house, startling Ingrid and making Agnar laugh quietly. The previous silence was soon turned into a room of voices as everyone sat around the glass table and began having conversations while eating.

“How did your appointment go?” Ingrid was the first to ask, taking a bite out of her nachos and wiping some cheese from her navy blue shirt. She wore a look that had an equal amount of kindness and sternness in it, a look mothers seemed to master, at least the ones they’d met before. Ingrid was showing comfort, but also silently let everyone know this was indeed an issue that wasn’t fun and games, as was anything medical 99% of the time, and she was anxious to know the treatment her daughter was receiving was having a positive effect. Being a childrens’ nurse, it made sense she would be the one to ask first.

“Ah Ingrid, let the kids eat first.” Agnar said with a smile, placing one muscular arm around his wife’s shoulders and offering her a bite of his super burrito which she politely declined.

“I just wanted to be sure everything went well, Agnar. I want to know the treatment my daughter is receiving is working, and the same goes for Hiccup too. This may not be a physical illness or injury they’re dealing with, but it  _ is  _ medical treatment-psychological treatment-and I need to know they’re receiving proper care.” If anyone could be straight to the point and over detailed at the same time, it was Ingrid Hofferson. 

“Ah...well, I’m sure if they weren’t satisfied with their care, they’d have said something already. Right kids?” Agnar asked, looking at the two teens sitting almost shoulder to shoulder and eating their meals. 

“Well...yeah, I mean she’s really nice, but she also talks about what needs to be talked about. I like her.” Hiccup said nonchalantly, blowing on his food. He smiled when he saw Ingrid’s expression soften. She was so worried about her daughter’s health it was visible from a few feet away.

“I like her too. She doesn’t baby us. She’s not like an over shielding mom or something. She says what needs to be said, like a professional friend.” Astrid ducked her head when she remembered how Linda’s words had affected Hiccup, how she somehow broke a wall that normally took hours or days to break. She was happy he seemed to trust her as much as he did.

Ingrid dropped the conversation after a few moments, satisfied with her daughter’s response, though Astrid’s change in posture and mood was still noticeable even if no one mentioned it. After a couple of minutes had passed and it didn’t seem to get better...

“You okay?” That was Hiccup asking, looking at Astrid out of the corner of his eye with his food held in mid air. He had been about to take another bite but froze when he noticed how tense she had gotten.

She’d never stop admiring how much he cared about her, more than himself as he had proven many times before.

“Yeah, I’m alright.” Astrid rolled her shoulders, pushing her hair out of her face and sitting tall. She looked as intimidating as ever, her body language radiating attitude and authority all at once. She was like a creature caught off guard who made itself look bigger and stronger in an uncomfortable situation. Her reliance on her instinct that almost never failed and her undying confidence no matter what anyone said about her or what situation made itself present made Astrid very well known and respected. Everyone in town close to their age knew not to get on her bad side, and both the Haddocks and the Hoffersons admired her for it.

“Why do you ask?” Astrid’s voice seemed to relay confusion and innocence, and though Hiccup could easily tell she was hiding inner feelings, he simply shrugged his shoulders and continued eating, wanting nothing more than to make her happy.

After the meal was finished Ingrid had gone home and Stoick and Agnar went into the back yard to chat and let Skullcrusher play outside. Hiccup and Astrid were sitting on the couch together watching the news when Hiccup’s phone buzzed in his pocket to let him know he’d been messaged again.

_ “Fishlegs’ mom said he was grounded from his phone for a few days when I texted him. Apparently she’s not even letting him answer his own texts. Talk about a lack of privacy. Anyways, when we meet at school I’ll let the gang know you guys want to hang out in the next few weeks. Anything else you want me to tell them?” _

Hiccup’s eyes widened for a moment in surprise, before he calmed and showed Astrid his phone screen, one eyebrow raised. The facial gesture that was completely natural and had no effort put behind it was one his friends often teased him about. Anyone could tell he was suspicious or confused by something just by looking at his eyebrows.

Astrid looked confused as well but simply shrugged her shoulders, gesturing with her hand-which was holding a cup of coffee, a drink she was just about addicted to-for him to reply with whatever he wanted. 

_ “Okay...How in the world did  _ **_Fishlegs_ ** _ get grounded?” _

It took a few moments before he got a response.

_ “Apparently he stayed up for three nights reading this novel and completely forgot to do his homework, then his exhaustion made him all snippy with his dad.” _

_ “Wow, Mrs. Ingerman really doesn’t hide any details.” _

_ “She’s  _ **_Fishlegs’_ ** _ mom, what did you expect? Anyways, my phone’s about to go dead and my dad won’t stop nagging me to mow the lawn. Talk later cuz!” _

Hiccup smiled and shook his head, his cousin’s amazing ability to change the mood and the subject on a dime something that  _ still _ stunned him ever since they were kids.

  
Out of nowhere, a thought hit Hiccup like a rock, and he needed to tell Snotlout before the teen plugged his phone into the charger and went outside to do his chores.

_ “Hey, ‘Lout, do you think we could meet up sometime just you and me? We can just hang out in the backyard or the park if you want, nothing extravagant. I would assume you have a lot on your mind.” _

Did he really want to send it? Would it be too pushy or come off as judgy or nosy? Hiccup forced himself to tap the  **Send** button, knowing Snotlout was his cousin and friend. They knew each other well and knew the things some people could say that would appear offensive would be just fine coming from someone within their friend group where everyone trusted everyone.

After the message was sent a few minutes went by with no response, his phone screen showing the three moving dots indicating someone was typing, but no messages were actually appearing. 

Astrid had dozed slightly when Hiccup was having his conversation, the news station boring her and the fact that she had stayed up late trying to finish the last three algebra questions in her practice textbook she had a hard time understanding made her even more tired. Hiccup jumped in his seat when he felt something warm and heavy on his shoulder, but composed himself quickly when he looked to his side and realized Astrid had slumped against him, her head resting awkwardly on his shoulder and her hands clutching his shirt to stabilize herself. Thankfully she had put down her cup before falling asleep.

With a playful eye roll, Hiccup shifted in his seat so he was facing her and brought Astrid’s head to his chest. He grabbed both of her wrists and placed them on his shoulders, her fingers instinctively holding onto him. He placed one hand on the small of her back and held her against him. His free hand still held his phone as he rested his chin on his girlfriend’s head while watching for Snotlout’s next response. 

_ “Sure. Maybe one day after you’re done with your school work.”  _

The message was short and didn’t require a response so Hiccup didn’t write one, knowing Snotlout was procrastinating with his chores, but he was happy his cousin was open to opening up to him. Snotlout Jorgenson wasn’t exactly an openly emotional person. The memories of Gale had likely been shoved down long ago and he never really spoke of it again, even with Hiccup who had gone through it too, so hearing everything that had happened must’ve brought up  _ some sort  _ of memories Snotlout never actually got through. They were  _ family,  _ to know his cousin was actually willing to share his problems with him soothed Hiccup greatly.

With Astrid still asleep and Hiccup holding her in place against him, the Haddock teen sat there completely content with his current position. 

That was...until Astrid’s grabbed his wrist and squeezed it tightly enough to cause a soft pop and a red mark, her teeth bared and gritting together, though her eyes remained closed to show she was still sleeping.

Hiccup could tell she was having a nightmare immediately despite his main focus at the moment being keeping Astrid from twisting his wrist far enough to break it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ingrid and Agnar are concerned about how well Astrid's medical treatment is helping her and Hiccup, and some bad memories have started creeping up for both teens, the symptoms of trauma slowly showing their face even a few weeks after they've been rescued now that the wall has been brought down and Hiccup and Astrid are allowing themselves to feel said emotions rather than trying to simply forget everything that has happened to them. 
> 
> Small signs of this trauma will grow more obvious and harder to deal with in the future, and confusion will lead to hardships, but how long will it take for these things to happen?


	15. Another Nightmare?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astrid's nightmares are growing worse, and what those nightmare are about specifically is shown to you, reader. Hiccup is in the way when she wakes with a severe need to defend herself, but once punches are already thrown and she's calmed down a bit, they manage to talk about their troubles a little. Unhealthy coping is becoming the norm, though at least Hiccup hasn't fallen back into self harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for some pretty detailed dreams here. I haven't really been putting those in other chapters, but I'm starting now just to make sure everything's okay. Talk of exploitation and child pornography which I only barely hinted at in previous chapters when Hiccup and Astrid were still captives. I don't want to trigger anyone without a heads up. Every tag I have in this story's summary is there for a reason, not just hinted, written out in detail and in a way that would make a select few people uncomfortable if they didn't watch out for the warnings. Just letting you guys and gals know.

_ Her skin was pale, her sore hands tied behind her back. She had no clothes, her outfit-as revealing as it was-completely taken from her like a mochery. She wasn’t even allowed the threads she’d had on previously. Why give them to her and Hiccup in the first place? _

_ Astrid looked to her left as she lay flat on the floor, her eyes watering when she looked at Hiccup. Bruised up with a bleeding lip and unconscious on his side. He’d been awake for nearly 23 hours, his stress making it too hard to sleep, before Gale had ruthlessly beat him into unconsciousness after a bad day at work.  _

_ It hurt to see he only looked at peace when he was knocked out cold. _

_ A camera was on her, mainly her lower half and close enough for her to see, rather than being hidden in the wall like it usually was.  _

_ Astrid felt a heat in her belly, her body jerking a little, when something that vibrated touched her most sensitive and private areas, followed by the two fingers of the woman she dreamed of killing at night. _

_ She closed her eyes and thought about Hiccup holding her the night before, his sweaty, abused arms holding her tightly and his face buried in her shoulder as they whispered almost silent phrases like ‘it’s okay’ to each other, trying to comfort themselves just as much as their fellow victim of these disgusting, humiliating crimes. _

_ All she wanted was to tune out any feeling, any emotion, and any noise as Jera hurt her. She wanted to cry when she felt her legs tingle, her womanhood growing wet in a very unpleasant type of pleasure.  _

_ Astrid wanted to kick herself, bite or punch herself, or rather her body. If her physical body was one person, and her heart and brain that told her all of this was wrong was another person like she wanted it to be, she would've killed the first person for betraying her. For treachery and betrayal, for delighting in her discomfort and pain, for feeling pleasure when she herself felt nothing less than her heart breaking to shreds as she thought about all the people who were going to watch her. Her body was a display, an item sold for men and women like Jera and Gale to get pleasure from, exploiting her. _

_ And Astrid's body was  _ **_liking_ ** _ it, betraying her and delighting in something that caused her emotional pain, and if she could've destroyed that human body that only cared about physical pleasure without sending her herself to Valhalla, she would have. _

_ This was a traitor that needed to be executed,  _ **_gone._ **

_ Now, Astrid didn't know what to do, because she couldn't tune out the now growing heat between her legs, the instinctual, selfish reaction her body was having, and yet she couldn't kill this traitor either because the traitor was  _ **_her._ **

_ She couldn't help it when tears flowed after Jera made a cruel comment about this tape going to a specific person who would be paying her a very large amount of money to see her sexualized and in tears.  _

_ Crying in front of the enemy only made Astrid hate herself  _ **_more._ ** _ A part of her wanted to die, another wanted to do everything in her power to escape this place with Hiccup so she could get revenge on their capture. _

_ When something that sent a sharp pain through her right thigh hit her, Astrid screamed. _

"You bitch!" Astrid yelled, hands balling into fists and punching the closest thing to her...which just so happened to be a person who let out a shriek when her hand made contact.

“Hey! Hey it’s okay, it’s just me.” A soft voice murmured, his long, thin arms wrapping around her and pinning her arms to her side to keep her from punching anything else. In a moment of instinct, Astrid tried to fight the hold, tried to break free of her restraints, but then her groggy mind analyzed the voice and realized it was Hiccup holding her.

“Sorry…” Astrid mumbled, her voice soft and eyes sad. She pulled her arms free now that Hiccup had loosened his hold, placing her palm on the spot where she’d hit him and receiving a hiss of pain as a result.

“Don’t worry about it. This isn’t the first time I’ve woken you up and gotten hit. I’m used to it by now.” There was no bitterness or anger in his voice, only humor. He really didn’t want her to worry. He only wanted her to know he cared about her.

"Thanks…" Was the only thing that came out of the young Hofferson's mouth. She didn’t know what else to say. She had already apologized, and Hiccup didn’t seem too hurt, so that was that.

Finally, after a moment of awkwardly watching clips from the ‘Weirdest Weather Disasters’ show that came on between the afternoon news and evening weather, Hiccup spoke again, his voice hesitant. 

“What were you dreaming about?” He spoke nonchalantly, his voice composed and calm as if they were in a normal conversation, but she could hear the differences in pitch and see the way the muscles around his neck and shoulders tensed when the words left his lips.

Astrid leaned her head against Hiccup’s chest, pushing his leg to the side so she could sit between his knees while he sat with his back to the arm of the couch. He wrapped his arms around her waist, letting her listen to his heartbeat.

Hiccup recalled the time Astrid had said his heartbeat was her favorite thing about him, because it let her know he was there and alive, completely okay and at her side. For someone like his girlfriend that kind of comment had great depth, because she had lost a few special people in her life, people very close to her, because her family was full of men who fought their wars. As a result, if she ever made the indication she wanted to feel or hear his heart, Hiccup would let her do so regardless of where they were or the situation. It was the little things like that that made them so close.

“Nothing much.” Astrid mumbled, eyes holding a quiet anger in the back of them and her hand on Hiccup’s chest next to her cheek tensing just enough for him to notice. Hiccup’s hands tightened on her waist ever so slightly, grounding her in reality before she could become angry at the past.

She was grateful for the small gesture.

For the next few seconds Hiccup was having a hard time deciding whether he should push or not. Finally, he came to the conclusion that if she was going to push him out of his comfort zone and help him with his weaknesses, he would do the same for her.

“Nothing much still means something, M’lady.” 

Astrid looked up, shoulders stiff and baby-blues looking up at her boyfriend. His smile was warm though his eyes held worry, worry he’d gone too far, worry he’d upset her, and worry for her well being in general. 

Nowadays it seemed like they were both  _ always _ worrying.

A small feeling of nausea, one caused by anxiety and probably her hormones, made Astrid flush and her hands grip the front of Hiccup’s tunic. She placed her face against his chest, covering her eyes with her bangs while he held her tighter. She’d been more overwhelmed than she’d originally thought when she’d had that nightmare/memory, and now locked up emotions were surfacing and making her feel sick and angry for no apparent reason.

He was patient with her, letting Astrid pull her emotions back into a comfortable state before she spoke-if she wanted to speak of course. For that she was grateful.

“Uh...m-memories. You were out cold...Jera had a camera...it just all went to hell from there. Literal  _ hell. _ ” Astrid grit her teeth and spoke so quietly Hiccup wouldn’t have been able to understand her if her head wasn’t right under his chin.

“I see.” Was all Hiccup replied with, rubbing small circled in his girlfriend’s back, hoping to sooth her if only a little. He decided to drop the conversation so he wouldn’t cause her more anger. Astrid was so tense recently, which was completely understandable. Her eyes always looked tired and she buried herself in her school work when she wasn’t out running or sitting next to him in an attempt to silently comfort the both of them. Any amount of comfort was great, even if it was just making her relax her shoulders for a few seconds. 

Why as Hiccup held his emotions in and slowly let some of the bad stuff seep through the cracks in his walls while he was alone at night, drawing vent-art in his sketchbook, shooting basketballs in the backyard, and so forth,  _ Astrid  _ held everything in until she was so worked up she had to use violence, like breaking something, throwing a weapon, punching someone after waking up….

Admittedly neither of their methods of coping were healthy, Hiccup thought while they sat in silence. He himself never let  _ other people  _ see the bad stuff and Astrid-even if she did confide in someone else-didn’t let everything out until she had so much locked away she snapped... _ or  _ she didn’t let out her emotions unless they came out as violence or hurting herself or someone else. At least they were coping at all though and not on their knees breaking down over their trauma all of the time. At least Hiccup hadn’t fallen back into self harm and Astrid hadn’t let her occasional fear or self-shame induced depression-which they both kind of had for different reasons-keep her from continuing her workout routines and accepting the pregnancy rather than denying it like she had been right after they’d been rescued.

The teens continued holding onto each other, dropping the previous conversation and just finding comfort in the arms of their significant other and best friend. The television switched to another show about weather disasters and it began raining outside-it was typical Berk weather to change from sunny to rainy so quickly.


	16. The Ugly Face of Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ugly face of trauma finally starts showing itself after weeks of detachment and forcing themselves to just 'be okay' with the memories of their captivity. How will Hiccup and Astrid deal with such a confusing moment in time, and more to come?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys and gals, sorry for being a few days late to update, have been sick for a little while. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

It had been around two weeks after Hiccup and Astrid’s first therapy session on their own without their parents, and Astrid was around approximately 7 weeks pregnant, as it’d been a little less than a month and a half since they’d been rescued.

For only a month and a half to have gone by, life had been happening rather quickly. Hiccup was slowly getting back into work at the forge with Gobber-who never made him set a strict schedule unless he wanted to, and instead just let Hiccup come in when it was needed-working around 9 hours 2 days a week on weekends while Gobber worked the bar. Astrid had gotten really comfortable with the online schoolwork, satisfied with her amount of knowledge on the text books and starting the actual online classes. Stoick was having great progress with his and Gobber’s business, people advertising their work more than before and more new products receiving good reviews. This kind of good incline in business only happened maybe once to twice every couple of years.

The two teens were scheduled to hang out with their friend group this Friday (today was Wednesday), and Ingrid and Agnar were getting very well settled with their new schedules so Astrid could stay with the Haddock’s and still have them around. 

Of course, negative stuff had been happening too. Astrid had been having more nightmares for reasons unknown, and she guessed it had something to do with her opening up about some of the stuff that had happened rather than trying to forget everything. She would wake up in a cold sweat, and decided to go to sleep on the couch while watching TV now rather than waking up in the middle of the night and moving to the couch  _ then _ because she knew she’d be doing it anyway.

Hiccup had had two bad episodes of pain in his amputated leg in the past two weeks, the first time in his bedroom at night when she’d left the couch to go comfort him, and the second time while playing basketball with her in the backyard when Stoick had had to lend him an arm and help him inside. Stress had always had a rather negative impact on phantom pains for Hiccup, and now was no different.

Nightmares had caused Astrid to be more distant, moving her arm away when Hiccup would sit next to her on the couch shoulder to shoulder. She was eating less and running more in an attempt to get her mind off of the bad memories she’d originally tried to just shut out. The distance was stressing Hiccup out of course, making him go to bed earlier and wind up waking up in the middle of the night to go sit in the living room with her to use the TV as a distraction. Even then she’d be distant, though Hiccup sat with her anyways. Kisses were no longer shared, not even on the cheek, and Astrid  _ just couldn’t figure out _ why they were having these problems  _ now  _ rather than right after they’d been rescued. 

It was like their brains were just now catching up with the effects of trauma over a month later, and that went equally for the both of them.

In the beginning, things had been fine. The teens had forced themselves to ‘get over it’ when they felt bad because they were so desperate not to give Jera or Gale any control over them or their emotions, and honestly all of the things that had happened to them were too painful to think about for more than a few minutes at a time anyways as they were both very prideful people and being humiliated to such a degree was soul crushing. 

Hiccup and Astrid were only now realizing hidden emotions and detachment from their own minds could only be kept up for so long, and as of recently it all hurt more than it had even hurt when they were actually captives.

Back then they could just detach from their minds and numb themselves, taking their brains somewhere else while their body still cried and fought, screamed and physically reacted to pain, regardless of where their thoughts were. Now they were actually having to  _ deal with it  _ because unfortunately Hiccup and Astrid were both learning they couldn’t just ‘be fine’ and keep things shoved to the back of their minds forever.

It was like an adrenaline rush making it so that someone didn’t feel any pain in a wound, a survival tactic the body had so the injured person could get away to safety without being stopped by vulnerability and  _ hurt.  _ Eventually the human body just couldn’t keep producing that excessive amount of adrenaline and panic forever, and eventually the hurt person had to deal with how bad the wound really was.

Astrid had had many injuries in her lifetime, from sports injuries, to broken bones, even had stitches a time or two, so the body’s survival instincts and use of numbing-chemicals (as she and her more reckless friends called it) was a blessing to her. She always dealt with the pain later though, and learned how that stuff worked. The more she thought about it, sitting alone at night on the couch or distracted when she was supposed to be doing schoolwork, she felt like she was going through the  _ emotional  _ equivalent of a very long, very delayed adrenaline rush. She hadn’t even realized how much she and Hiccup were detaching from their problems and hiding their memories from  _ themselves  _ until the effects of being kidnapped for that long period of time really started showing their face in the past couple of weeks, getting worse by the day, leaving them unable to keep up comfortable physical contact and even leading to symptoms of a minor depression every now and again.

Still, regardless of the negative changes and positive accomplishments imposing equal amounts of stress, life was still going on, and Hiccup, Astrid along with their parents who had their own things happening would not be stopped in their tracks. Being changed by experience did not mean being defeated.

\---

“Dad! We’re out of eggs again! While we’re at it we also need more milk and you’re out of whatever alcoholic beverage you keep stashed in the back of the fridge!” 

Hiccup stepped back on the tile floor with his arms full of oranges, mushrooms, and bacon, shutting the black door of the refrigerator with his elbow. He was planning on making a late 11:00 breakfast/early lunch for himself and Astrid while they were doing their online schooling at the table.

“Ah, you’re the only one who eats them! How are we already out?!”

Stoick shouted from the other side of the house where he was doing some of the more simple work regarding his business on a laptop that seemed tiny in comparison to his huge hands. 

Hiccup shook his head and set his ingredients on the countertop, putting the plastic covering from the small blue box of raw mushrooms in the trash and turning the stovetop to a low heat setting. He looked at Astrid after grabbing a pan from the drawers under the counters and she smiled at him, though there was a sort of weakness in her smile. It didn’t reach her eyes and said eyes had dark marks under them from stress and a lack of sleep.

“Agnar eats them too when he’s over!” Said man was currently at home building a desk and chair for a neighbor's daughter while his wife was at work. “Anyways why are we shouting? You’re only one room away from me. 

“For the record…” Hiccup had to defend himself as an afterthought. “I only used the new carton so quickly because I was making that bread I talked about-” Hiccup looked up recipes for new foods often because though he was a very good blacksmith and had amazing business management skills, baking and writing were both hobbies he entertained when he had freetime.

“The loaf  _ you  _ ate an entire half of!” 

Astrid snorted when she heard the undeniable sass in Hiccup’s voice, knowing very well she’d  _ never  _ talk to her father the way Hiccup spoke to his own, but she knew despite outside appearances they both respected each other greatly. 

Stoick seemed like he was about to respond with an equally snarky comeback, his posture rigged and fingers pausing their rapid movements on his laptop’s keyboard, but the conversation was suddenly interrupted when his phone rang and the man moved to another room so he could speak to whoever it was in peace.

Now that Hiccup himself had enough peace to do his own thing he oiled the pan he’d be using for cooking and began heating it enough to cook on. He took a moment to note the things they needed on a sheet of paper from the notepad he often kept in the pocket of his green leggings, using the pen he kept in the brown pocket of his red tunic for sketching and writing, before grabbing a small knife to cut into the mushrooms he needed for the meal he had planned.

“You know...” Astrid said in a loud, drawn out voice to catch his attention. Hiccup looked up with his cutting knife held in midair, pausing what he was doing to listen to her.

She had her pencil for taking notes between her teeth, her hand typing what must’ve been an essay even though she wasn’t looking at her computer.

Ever the intelligent Hofferson.

“It’s a good thing you like to cook so much. With how much I like to run and hang out with my friends I’ll be eating nothing but pizza and protein bars when we’re grown if I don’t have someone else who’s skilled with a spatula living with me.”

Hiccup shook his head with a warm smile, carving out another mushroom and beginning to cook the raw bacon into crispy bites of heaven. He also went to peeling two oranges and slicing the other two in half.

“Well then you’d better stay with this here shef m’lady.” 

Astrid smiled a half smile and nodded her head, placing her eraser to her bottom lip as if concentrating on something. She quietly said “I will.” Before getting back to focusing on her computer, not knowing if Hiccup had heard her or not.

He had heard her of course. Hiccup went through making stuffed mushrooms, orange juice, and plating their food next to orange slices with a smile on his face all the while.

\---

Once breakfast/lunch was eaten Hiccup and Astrid sat on the couch in front of the coffee table in the living room to work on their schooling, laptops in their laps. They were sitting about half an arms length away from each other, and Hiccup noticed just how dark the marks under Astrid’s eyes were every time she’d strain them to focus on a particularly difficult geography question.

He himself wasn’t getting a whole lot of sleep as he’d always been someone who would hardly sleep for two or three days at a time then sleep really well for one day afterwards, but he was getting enough to where his facial details didn’t show his stress. Of course as of recently he was sleeping even less than usual on those good sleeping days, but at least he was qualified as healthy.

Looking thinner than before despite eating regular meals (of course he was still having trouble keeping from losing weight but that was normal for him when he was stressed), carrying those dark marks under her eyes, and overall seeming more distant as Hiccup had unfortunately but understandably come to notice over the past couple of weeks, he could see his girlfriend didn’t seem to look  _ healthy,  _ though he said nothing about it.

Not yet anyways.

It was now raining outside, tiny pieces of hail hitting the metal roof of carports all down their road. Lightning struck every now and again but there was hardly any thunder.

A good five minutes later the storm grew stronger, winds knocking a few branches over and cars driving outside turning on their lights to see through the rain.

Hiccup was well used to storms, though the heavy rain and wind was making him a bit tense, not because he was afraid of them, but because he was ready to go and get to safety if for some reason a severe weather warning was to go off on the television screen. This tended to happen over 5 times during devastating winter and regular storm season.

Suddenly, a loud  **_bang_ ** sounded after a very close strike of lightning hit something nearby. For a second the power flickered, turning the room black, then bright, then black, then bright again about 5 times. It was so loud and so powerful it quite literally shook the house and the couch they were sitting on. The internet was no longer working, so the tabs with their schoolwork on their laptops were useless. Skullcrusher dove beneath the coffee table, covering his sensitive ears against the loud rumble in the sky.

Once the initial shock of the flashing and rumbling surrounding them went away Hiccup came to realize his left side felt heavy and his laptop had fallen on the floor, still open. 

The thing that seemed to be trying to pull him into the couch itself was one seemingly scared Hofferson girl who’s face was ducked into the crook between his arm and side, her fists balled into the sleeve covering his shoulder and her fingers gripping skin underneath, probably bruising him. Hiccup noticed she would shiver ever so slightly when he made any movements to turn towards her or pull away.

Hiccup himself had to admit the flickering lights and loud noise definitely made him tense with anxiety. This was not only because he was already so on edge which made him startle at the loud noise, but also because that shaking of the floor and lights going on and off reminded him so much of a door in the roof opening, letting light into a dark, humid, small room, the ceiling so unstable even the walls seemed to shiver.

Astrid seemed to be having a much stronger reaction, and somehow he knew she wasn’t scared of the storm. She’d never been scared of bad weather. No, Astrid was scared of the memory the storm had brought up as her brain was so vulnerable because of the constant stress she was feeling as of recently.

“Hey. You okay?” 

Hiccup said quietly, moving his hand so he could wedge it between her fist and his now numbing and definitely bruised shoulder. Astrid held on, staying silent, her eyes pinched closed and fingers wrapping around his thumb, seeming desperate to hold onto  _ something. _

“I can’t...I-I....this isn’t  _ me.” _

Hiccup could hear her voice crack like she wanted to cry but refused to. Refused to be any weaker than she was already being because that was just Astrid Hofferson.

“What do I do Hiccup? I can’t...I can’t make it go away...I can’t make any of the dreams or memories go away. It’s like they’re always  _ there.  _ Those two...they’re always there, always messing with me. I...I was never scared of storms before…”

More thunder rumbled, quieter this time. Astrid’s fingers gripped Hiccup’s and she popped his joints accidentally.

“I wish it would just go away. I’m not weak like this.” 

Astrid finally opened her eyes, forcefully pulling herself away from him and looking up at his face.

Hiccup smiled, though the smile was sad. He felt the same way recently but was better at hiding it. Astrid was generally good at hiding pain and negative emotions, but when something was forced on her that she couldn’t control with brute force, her walls began crumbling, the nails that held the base of them loose, the supports splintering and falling away, leaving nothing left but worn stone that she desperately tried to hide behind but could only keep up for so long until she had moments like these. She was mostly very strong with a set of mental armor to protect her weaknesses and portray strength and bravery, but when she  _ did _ fall, she fell hard.

“You’re not weak m’lady. Even right now, as we speak, you are  _ not  _ weak. You aren’t acting weak either.”

Hiccup managed to get Astrid to completely let go of his shoulder as she’d been subconsciously holding onto him even after she’d opened her eyes. He grabbed both of her forearms, turning so he was facing her, and tried to pull her towards him. 

Astrid pulled back, eyelids drooping as if extreme exhaustion was finally setting in. Her laptop had fallen onto the couch cushion to her left when she’d startled, falling on its head and closing. They both knew they couldn’t do schoolwork anyways because the internet was screwed, so there was no need to worry about it. Hiccup also momentarily forgot about his own laptop on the floor.

“You’re stronger than most girls our age. Stronger because of your intelligence. Stronger because of your athleticism. Stronger because of what you’ve lived throu-”

Heavy footsteps entered the room unexpectedly, cutting the sentence short, and when Hiccup looked up he saw his slightly stressed but still happy father walking out of his bedroom.

“Ah, I could really do with Gobber  _ not  _ keeping me for an hour to joke about his mother’s life halfway through what was a professional conversation! Oh, Skullcrusher my boy, come here..”

  
Stoick immediately stopped his ranting about his sometimes annoying friend when he saw his giant lump of a dog sitting under the coffee table and nuzzling his nose as far into the carpet as it would go. Now that Hiccup watched as the oversized dog army crawled out from under the table so he wouldn’t hit his head and immediately rushed Stoick who lifted the whole animal into his own oversized arms, he felt a little guilty for not comforting Skullcrusher sooner himself.

Holding Skullcrusher like a baby with his head on his shoulder and belly flat to his own, the back of his head cradled in one hand and the other hand under the dog’s bottom, Stoick looked over to see how his son’s school work was going. When he saw Astrid exhausted, not looking at anything in particular as Hiccup held onto her forearms to keep them from separating completely while both of their laptops were obviously discarded during a moment of need, he froze.

“Ey...I suppose you can’t do your schoolwork with the storm messing with the internet like this…”

Stoick sat Skullcrusher down who barked when the power flickered again, the room not quite going black this time but coming close to it.

“Would you guys like something to eat? Snacks? It’ll get boring with the TV constantly freezing up like it is.”

Honestly Stoick had no idea what he was supposed to say and it was obvious. He was used to diplomacy and teaching teens who had delicate situations going on to live on their own. What he was not used to was delicate situations which required a special kind of comfort. Most of the homeless teens and adults he’d worked with had pretty rough childhoods, but if they needed comfort or teaching beyond what an acquaintance who knew they had to be a listening ear might give them, which Stoick and Gobber gave them often, they had a therapist or counselor, maybe even a group they went to once a week that their organization helped pay for, or-rarely-a monthly drug-addicts/alcoholics meeting.

This...this was the situation of a father needing to comfort his own son and who he thought of like a daughter after they had been through trauma and were currently dealing with what was obviously-at least  _ symptoms  _ of-PTSD, something he’d seen many times in his field of work, but never had to deal with when it came to  _ his _ children.

Stoick was completely out of his comfort zone here, and that was saying a lot as he’d just about seen it all.

After a moment of awkward silence, Hiccup finally decided to speak after Astrid pulled away from him again but wasn’t able to get him to let go, her eyes closing and head tilting a little as if she was going to fall asleep again right there.

“No dad...We’re fine. Can uh…”

Hiccup took a breath, closing his eyes and shaking his head to clear his thoughts.

“It’s storming pretty bad and my leg kind of hurts. Can you take Skullcrusher out to use the bathroom since I can’t? It’s been around 2 hours and he won’t go until the rain is over if the storm gets any worse.”

Stoick knew Hiccup was just trying to get him out of the room, knew this was something that would better be solved if the teens talked to each other rather than himself, so he nodded and left without a word, whistling for Skullcrusher which the dog had been taught was the signal to go outside. The large brownish dog followed his owner with his tail between his legs, obviously not wanting to go out into the rain but knowing he needed to follow the signal when nature called. He was always a tough dog  _ unless  _ there was a lot of loud noise that hurt his incredibly sensitive ears. He may have been a mutt, but it was obvious he had tracking genes in him due to his hypersensitive ears and nose.

Hiccup sighed in slight relief and turned back to his girlfriend. She looked up at him, looking tired and sad. Her eyes had big bags under them and she almost seemed to be having trouble supporting her own neck. 

“You  _ really  _ haven’t been sleeping, have you?” 

Hiccup worded what he said like a question, but his tone of voice made it sound like a statement. 

Astrid blinked and nodded her head, pulling away again.

“I just want to go to bed, Hiccup. Let me go…please.” Astrid whispered the last part, feeling nauseous suddenly and bringing a hand to her mouth to soothe herself, Hiccup’s hand still on her forearm to keep them connected.

“Then sleep here. With me.” 

  
Hiccup’s voice was hesitant, self conscious, and nervous. He was also determined and his eyes held nothing but love, not letting the nervousness show. He wanted to be the one comforting her and have Astrid comfort him at the same time, just like it had been when it was just the two of them in that basement. They needed  _ each other  _ when they were scared like this, rather they were scared of the real event, or the memories.

There was a long pause before Astrid finally closed her eyes and leaned into him. Hiccup sighed as she lay her head on his chest, trusting him, feeling his warmth and letting her arms relax, one arm wrapped loosely around his shoulders and her free hand resting limply against his right thigh. He was happy she was so willing to let him hold her.

Astrid had helped Hiccup so much during his ill time, during their therapy appointments, during his phantom pains, and during the very hard few minutes it took to tell his father about what Gale had done to him. He was completely willing and actually happy to help his strong, selfless girlfriend when she was at her lowest, hitting the bottom of the pit after holding everything together so tightly when it was obvious what she really wanted to do was let herself cry, sleep properly, and let someone else take charge for once.

“I’ve got you.”

Hiccup meant the words he spoke, and as Astrid fell asleep on him, loosely holding onto his thin form to keep them pieced together, he knew he wanted the comfort just as much as she had. Of course this was part of the reason he wanted her to sleep next to him instead of in her own bed so badly, but that was also simply because he saw Astrid in a rare moment of severe weakness and pain and just wanted to make her feel better.

They’d both help each other feel better...eventually.


	17. Meet Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally finding time in their schedule, Hiccup and Astrid schedule a day to meet up with their high school friends. Secrets are kept and there is obvious stress in the air, but going out like this is definitely an improvement for both the young couple and their recently-closed-off friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I've been busy I didn't get to get finished editing this before I was ready to post it so there may be some grammatical errors. Hope you enjoy it anyways!

**_12:04 Friday_ **

_ “Fish and the twins are paying. Remember, it’s the coffee shop next to the sandwich shop on 4th street,  _ **_not_ ** _ the one next to my dad’s house where we normally go because that one closed down for rebuilding or something. We’ve already ordered some sandwiches and drinks. I got you a tuna fish sandwich because I don’t know what you like so deal with it, and Heather got Astrid one of those chicken-on-a-stick things that look like dried paper. Food’s ready when you get here! -The Snotman” _

Hiccup chuckled and shook his head as he read the text from his cousin before setting his phone next to his seat so he wasn’t distracted. Astrid sat in the passenger seat with a blanket over her as it was cold outside. Her nausea had been getting a bit better with the help of Ingrid telling her daughter what had worked for her when she was newly pregnant herself, but Astrid had come to realize when she was too cold or too hot-something that normally didn’t bother her because she was such a workout addict-her stomach sickness grew worse within minutes even if she was so early in said pregnancy. She also blamed it on stress because she was so out of her norm and the hormones didn’t help any, which did make sense considering she wasn’t working or doing anything other than school and running to distract herself like Hiccup was.

Hiccup owned a rather small black car with very slightly tinted windows that only sat two people. It had a fair sized trunk but no backseat, and had red stripes on the side mirrors that Gobber had put there (The man’s talents went beyond bartending and blacksmithing) . 

He knew how to drive and was rather good at it, sometimes too good/careful, causing more reckless people in a hurry to grow angry with him. Of course in normal situations he was a little too dumb to be afraid, but when it came to riding in a car his alertness and self control grew drastically ever since his mother had been killed when he was little on that appointment to try out his new prosthetic.

Said trauma-induced-anxiety and his overall urge to walk places nearby rather than driving just meant Hiccup didn’t drive very often. As of recently, with how much stress he was under, his father had driven him anywhere that required a car trip because he refused to drive on his own without being completely right in his mind. 

Now that his mind had started to calm down a little beyond the normal nightmares he had nightly, Hiccup felt comfortable driving himself and his girlfriend to visit their friends for dinner. They’d all gotten done with their homework if they had any except for the twins who relied on Fishlegs to guide them through it. No one knew about Astrid’s pregnancy yet and the young couple decided not to mention it until later on.

The drive lasted about 10 minutes before Hiccup pulled the small black car into a parking spot close to the door. His leg had still been hurting a bit because of stress and his lack of sleep so he didn’t want to walk a distance. They didn’t pull into a handicapped spot because he didn’t feel the need to use that kind of krutch for himself, but they were two spots down from one.

Hiccup went over to Astrid’s side of the car to open the door for her, but he smiled when he saw she was already stepping out of the car independently without need for the gentleman’s gesture. He stepped to the back of the car and grabbed them both fur vests from the trunk since it was beginning to lightly rain. Astrid took one gratefully, wrapping the warm cover around herself and her bare arms rather than slipping them through the arm holes. She was wearing a short sleeve blue shirt and black leggings so she wasn’t well prepared for the sudden drop in temperature the rain had caused.

Hiccup himself didn’t really feel the need for the vest because he was wearing a long sleeve brown tunic and thick black jeans, but he decided to put the thing one anyway after a few seconds of thought because his tunic was cotton and would stick to him if it got too wet.

Hiccup opened the door for Astrid and they both walked into the small cafe, hearing a whistle from one of their male friends and Heather yelling “They’re finally here!” from the far left corner of the building. 

Everyone was sitting at two tables pulled together to make more room for more chairs. Ruffnut was sitting next to Heather with their backs to the door. Both girls were wearing black jackets and had braided hair, Ruffnut’s blonde hair having an odd green streak in it like she’d temporarily colored one section of it. Tuffnut was sitting at the left end of the table and looking at Fishlegs who sat facing the door and was holding an algebra textbook. Fishlegs was wearing his usual orangish-brown short sleeve tunic and green leggings his mom had made specifically for him because he was rather overweight and found it hard to find regular pants that fit him properly, though the Ingerman boy never let his weight bother him emotionally. Tuffnut was wearing black like his sister and his hair was parted with a braid on either side of his face.

Snotlout was the one who gestured for Hiccup to come sit next to him, Dagur scooting to another chair so the Haddock teen could sit between them. They both sat facing the door, Snotlout with his chair tipping backwards and one foot on the table, wearing a full navy-blue short-sleeved outfit with greasy hair that looked like it hadn’t been washed in days. Dagur was wearing some sort of silvery armor he got from Thor knows where and a red tunic, his leggings purple, and the eye scar he was known for was not covered but was rather mirrored by purple face paint on the opposite eye. 

Hiccup did as his cousin asked and sat between Snotlout and Dagur facing the window, Astrid sitting across from him next to Heather. Food was brought to the table, a variety of dishes, some of which were odd combinations like Tuffnut’s signature bean soup with salmon, tomatoes, and cut up raw onions layered on top of it, extra salty. The cafe was pretty flexible with their dishes and would add or take away stuff without argument. They knew Tuff’s preferences at this point and didn’t even ask for his order. Why a cafe had so much extra salmon and onion laying around despite their rather small menu most cafes had no one knew. Berk was just weird like that.

Everyone waited for plates and bowls to be sat on the table and the waitress to leave before anyone verbally addressed Hiccup and Astrid. 

All at once, words were spewed with people cutting other people off, everyone trying to explain themselves and their frustrations along with trying not to sound too worried in front of their friends.

“It’s been a while.” 

Heather was the first to speak, her voice full of audibly forced confidence though she tried to sound as nonchalant as possible.

“Normally we hang out like once a week, but of course recently that’s not the case. I agree with Heather. We kind of missed you two.” 

Tuffnut said next, gesturing to Hiccup and Astrid with the fork he’d taken from Fishlegs who had an annoyed look on his face.

“Things have been all out of whack.” Ruffnut cut her brother off, mouth full of bread as she spoke. “Tuff and I see Fish after school because of homework reasons, and Dagur sometimes plays basketball at the park with Snotlout, but other than that everyone’s just been... _ isolated  _ with you guys gone.”

“We’re not upset of course.” Fishlegs made sure to add. “You guys have your own reasons not to call us yet and we haven’t been calling you either.” His voice grew in pitch with anxiety. 

“What Fishlegs is trying to say is…” Dagur interjected quickly before Fishlegs could send himself into an anxious spiral. “When any of our links are missing, we’re no longer the gang.”

“We’re just a messed up puddle of sludge or some shit like that-”

“Snotlout!” Heather cut Snotlout off. “We’re in a restaurant!”

“ _ Fine  _ Princess, and it’s a  _ cafe _ .” Snotlout continued. “Everyone has been so  _ weird  _ without you two here. Hiccup is practically the leader of the group, and Astrid, you keep everyone from cutting each other’s heads off.”

Astrid actually managed to chuckle despite the seriousness in the room.

“We’re just...glad you’re back.” 

Snotlout smiled as he said it, earning smiles from everyone else. Astrid and Hiccup both looked tense, obviously feeling a little awkward and overwhelmed by the amount of comments that had so fluidly come from every other member of their little gang.

“I don’t...I don’t uh…” Hiccup began stuttering. Astrid decided to speak for him.

“That’s nice of you guys, but missing us doesn’t have to be the only topic of conversation. We’re here now, we’re safe now, and while it might take some time, we  _ will  _ get back to normal. Just...talk about regular stuff, like football or basketball or who got into the most trouble this week.”

“I did!” 

Tuffnut suddenly shouted, earning a ‘ _ shh’  _ from Fishlegs next to him. 

“ _ Wow,  _ you sure  _ Astrid  _ isn’t the leader of the group, Snotlout?” Heather cut in with a chuckle, grabbing Tuffnut’s hand to calm him and lowering it towards the table, a silent gesture her and Fishlegs sometimes did with him that meant ‘ _ lower your voice _ ’ since Tuff didn’t have much knowledge on how to act in certain public situations.

“It is true though.” Heather continued. “You wanna know what  _ this  _ Thorsten twin did at school Wednesday?”

“Ooh! Let me tell them! Let me!  _ Me _ !” 

Tuffnut interjected, once again getting shushed by Fishlegs.

“ _ Okay,  _ Tuff. What did you do that you’re so proud of?”

Hiccup didn’t even look surprised anymore.

“Okay! So…” Tuffnut smiled wide and leaned forward as if everyone couldn’t hear him already.

“Picture this. It’s lunch, Ruff and I are sitting with Snotlout during our shared lunch period. I’m sitting at the end of the table, right near the center of the cafeteria.”

Tuffnut began counting on his fingers suddenly, obviously recalling how many specific things happened in his story.

“I had three slime packs, green slime, Ruff and I had gotten from the dollar store with some spare cash we took from Dad’s wallet while he was passed out...”

Their father was a drunk, not a super mean or physical drunk, but a drunk and often didn’t do much in the house. The twins liked it when he took them places for father-kid activities, but didn’t like him as a person in general because he treated their step/adoptive mother badly who had taken them in when she’d decided to marry their father after their birth mom died when they were babies. They liked her as much as they might have their own mom.

“ _ Apparently  _ this stuff had gotten too hot while sitting under my bag after I’d taken them out to show Snotlout. We were sitting right next to a space heater (Their school didn’t exactly have the best appliances) so that probably had something to do with it. I picked the bags up, cut them open with my fork, and decided to pour some juice I got from a kid next to me-might’ve been drinkable or might’ve been for a project-so they didn’t burn Snot’s hand when I poured one out for him. Next thing you know, the stuff turns  _ white!  _ Goes  _ all over  _ the table and I had to clean it up for like 3 hours after school before the teach finally realized the stain and hard rock like stuff just wasn’t going to come off. They had to replace the seats too!”

“Yeah, and now he has detention for 3 weeks and has to be a teacher’s assistant in the architecture something class instead of playing Football for 1 week.” 

“Yeah, but that part’s so forgettable. Thanks for ruining my awesome story  _ Ruffnut. _ ” 

The two came extremely close to a fist fight after that comment but Heather was luckily sitting between them and firmly held onto both of their shoulders to prevent anything bad from happening in the middle of the cafe where three other families were eating.

“You know, I’ve come to recall this isn’t even the worst you’ve done.” Hiccup said sarcastically, nonchalantly. “Thank the Gods.” He mumbled as an afterthought. Astrid and Heather both snorted having heard him.

“So violent. So young. In the future...” 

A woman looking almost 30 or so who was feeding her baby in a high chair mumbled nearby, her voice snarky. She wasn’t with anyone else.

“They’re not as experienced with public etiquette as the rest of us ma'am. Please excuse them.”

Fishlegs said quickly, surprising the woman whose eyes widened. She obviously wasn’t expecting a response.

Astrid wasn’t so polite.

“They’re a bit different from the rest of society, but they’re not breaking anything and Tuffnut is kindly lowering his voice when we ask him to, so no one is hurting you or anyone else here.” 

Hiccup reached out a hand, placing it on her fingers. He also reached across the table to grab Heather’s sleeve who looked about to say something.

“Easy now, calm down. They’re not your kids, the twins can handle themselves.”

Hiccup’s soft voice calmed them, but Heather and Astrid couldn’t completely calm themselves because honestly the twins sometimes  _ were  _ like their own kids, same with Fishlegs, and Snotlout was some sort of enabling man-child uncle or brother.

The woman who had made the comment looked like she was about to say something, scanning all of their faces as if thinking  _ I meant all of you,  _ but she kept her mouth closed.

“Yep, the gang is definitely still normal.” Astrid said more quietly, making everyone chuckle. The conversations continued like that, small ones, bragging about sports, trouble, or friendships. They all got a chocolate lava cake for dessert and seasonal coffee, the rain picking up outside as they ate.

As the sky began to darken everyone said their goodbyes and left the cafe, most of them holding jackets or vests over their heads to keep themselves semi-dry. 

Hiccup and Astrid stood at the entrance of the building for a moment before going out into the rain.

There was hesitance on Hiccup’s face, some sort of fear shining in his eyes. Astrid-being as close to him as she was-knew what was up and took her hand in his. 

“Want me to drive?”

Hiccup smiled gratefully and nodded his head. He’d never liked driving in any kind of rainy, stormy, or icy weather, let alone rain as heavy as  _ this.  _ He was also a little anxious just  _ riding  _ in a car during a storm. It came with the fear of being in an accident like the one he’d been in with his mother if he wasn’t careful enough. Did it ruin his ability to drive or travel? No, it didn’t, but he did have a lot more anxiety than the average person when he was in a car that wasn’t driving very carefully in clear weather.

The ride home was rather quiet, the number one thing on Astrid’s mind being everything her friends had said and how to process their words. Hiccup was simply thinking about the rain as it got heavier and staring at the line separating their side of the road from that of others, so he wasn’t thinking much about talking either.

Both teens went to bed earlier than usual, Astrid laying on the couch as her mother wasn’t here and Stoick had turned out the lights in the living room meaning he wouldn’t be watching TV and was likely outside with his dog or in his room doing business duties. Hiccup went to his room after hugging her goodnight, restlessly tossing and turning under the covers on his bed as he tried not to overanalyze words that had been said or rather or not he wanted to risk suffering nightmares.

Sleep came easier than what was normal, which was a blessing and a curse. Astrid suffered memory-related nightmares as flashbacks made her thrash in her sleep, kicking one of the cushions clean off the couch. Hiccup was more quiet and still as he slept in his bed, though he dreamed of being stuck in small spaces and hearing someone calling out for him but being unable to move and help them, blocked by a heavily locked wooden door. At one point he knew he heard Astrid’s voice, another that of a child, and one the voice of someone he barely remembered but knew from somewhere.

The dreams were so vivid Hiccup remembered every small detail the next morning, and Astrid had spent so much energy fighting herself in her sleep she woke with a brown bruise on her forearm and almost no energy. 

Still, though stress obviously had a bad effect on the both of them, at least Hiccup and Astrid were taking necessary steps like seeing their friends again to get  _ somewhere  _ while dealing with all of  _ this stuff. _ A little progress was better than none.

Even if the act of actually making progress could be painful in and of itself.


	18. Bad Dreams (Astrid's POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A more detailed look into the nightmares Astrid and Hiccup started having the night after meeting up with their friends. This chapter also contains the type of coping mentioned in the story summary. It takes her relying on Hiccup's image and how he's dealing with things for Astrid to learn not to hate herself for acting weak in her own eyes. Can she hold onto that rather than breaking down over the shame and hopelessness she feels?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys and gals enjoy the new chapter! I know this is a little short and I updated a few days late, and the next chapter will be a little short as well, but for right now you will be reading the nightmares mentioned in the previous chapter and how stress is affecting Hiccup and Astrid, as well as how they are learning to deal with it. Once again there is a warning for pretty detailed, sensitive flashbacks, but that's been around half or more of this story. You don't have to read if you don't want to, but I do really enjoy your comments if you do so and remember, reading past the hard stuff will allow you to see the ending and how these two characters finally heal from trauma.

_ “Stop! Let go of me!” _

_ Her legs flailed and arms punched at just about everything they could touch as Astrid struggled against her capture.  _

_ She was laying on something like a long leather cushion that might’ve once belonged to a workout bench but now was nothing more than the uncomfortable restraint she was being forced onto as belts were attempting to wrap around her wrists. _

_ Her vision was blurry, nothing clear. She could hardly tell who was sitting on their knees to her side, trying to pin her arms to the makeshift bed, but she could clearly make out Hiccup shouting curses and threats somewhere nearby. She could also hear a groan of pain from the same boy, her boyfriend having obviously been attacked for trying to resist, but Hiccup continued throwing out rather impressive swears regardless of the pain in his voice. _

_ She was too tired to pull away once her own attacker finally managed to grab her wrist, too weak from having hardly any food in the last little while. She tried to punch with her other hand, but once she was grabbed she just couldn’t break the hold of whoever was restraining her. _

_ No. NO. NO! _

_ Suddenly her vision went dark, and Astrid couldn’t tell if her eyes were closed or she blindfolded. She heard Hiccup, heard him protest against something, telling whoever had belted her hands to the crude table to stop doing something, but she couldn’t understand what it was. _

_ She realized she had absolutely no clothing on at that moment, her body heating up with a red tint that was either embarrassment, shame, anger, or a little bit of all three. _

_ “I don’t want to do this anymore.” Astrid said, though she somehow knew no one had heard the words, only she could hear them. _

_ She really didn’t. Even if it meant she’d have to leave Hiccup here alone, that selfish part of her didn’t want to do any of this. She wanted to take off and run, escape and never look back. Maybe she wanted to die. She really wanted to be rescued but was beginning to feel hopeless that that would ever happen. She couldn’t even remember how long they’d been here. _

_ “Please.”  _

_ That was Hiccup’s voice. He was pleading, his tone sad and desperate. For some reason he was completely breaking down. He wanted to stop something that was happening badly, something happening to  _ her,  _ but she didn’t know what that was. She was completely out of it, tired and detached, and her vision was still black. She couldn’t be heard when she spoke, no one could understand what she was saying. She was naked… _

_ And only now did she realize she was naked and  _ in pain.  _ She was in awful pain, and she couldn’t find the source. She wanted to scream but something prevented her from doing so. She didn’t realize just how hard she was crying until now. Tears were dripping down the sides of her face and into her hair as she lay there on her back, something causing such a pain her brain couldn’t deal with it. _

_ “It hurts.” Astrid tried to speak again, but her voice was never heard. Why couldn’t she talk? Why couldn’t she see? What was going on? Was she only half conscious? Was she drifting in and out of consciousness? Was this all a dream? Could her mind just not keep up with what was happening because she was so  _ damn  _ tired? _

_ The questions ceased when the pain hit her again. A burning sensation that she knew was somewhere around her lower belly and moved all the way down to her lower thighs. A pain so sharp her toes curled. It wasn’t just sharp, there was a more mild irritation that aided the burning and ruined her senses, making her think she might throw up, though she tried as hard as she could not to because she was laying on her back.  _

_ What was happening to her?  _ _  
  
_

_ No wonder Hiccup wanted to stop her captures so badly. If whatever was happening was hurting her  _ this badly  _ it had to be something that was just too hard to witness for him. They were hurting her. Hurting her to the point of leaving Astrid Hofferson, the firstborn and only child of House Hofferson, the athlete of her grade level and master of keeping her emotions in check a sobbing mess as she fought and fought until she had no will to fight anymore. _

_ “Please...just make it stop.” _

_... _

Astrid’s arms flew out in front of her as she sat up on the couch, her hair disheveled and her body sore as if she’d been hit over and over again or thrown into a brick wall.

“It was just a dream.”

Astrid whispered to herself, bringing her knees to her mid torso and balling her hands into fists, curling them on her chest as if to defend her front side from whatever might try to hurt her.

“Astrid?”

Still groggy, it took Astrid a few seconds to recognize that voice.

“S-Stoick? Sir, what are you doing here? I mean...It’s your home of course.” Though she was still curled in on herself Astrid managed to bring confidence and surety back into her voice, almost sounding a little formal.

“But I mean...Aren’t you supposed to be at work? I know it’s not exactly my business but I’m just...confused.”

Confused about a lot more things than just the fact that Hiccup’s father was kneeling next to the couch she was sprawled out across just as she was waking up.

Had she been talking in her sleep maybe?

“I tried to wake you up lass. You were swearing in your sleep and though that may not have phased me much, I had to interfere when you hit yourself in the jaw during your battle with whoever you were fighting.” 

He had a good idea who that was, but said nothing else about it. Stoick had suffered nightmares that left him scared and even caused him to injure himself in the past. First he’d had them after Hiccup was born and he had become so afraid he wouldn’t be able to juggle his business where he helped so many troubled teenagers and still give enough attention to his own baby. After a while those went away, but once Valka had been killed in that accident and he’d had to take care of his only recently disabled son while also suffering through grief he’d had nightmares so vivid he’d wake up shouting or break something during a night terror.

Overall, Stoick knew not to ask about nightmares if they seemed too serious. He knew not to bug Astrid about swearing in her sleep or injuring herself. He knew not to push Hiccup if he woke up with phantom pains or crying because of bad dreams and the pain combined. Stoick could be considered nosy by some people, but he knew what was and wasn’t his business. 

“Oh.”

Was all Astrid replied with, leaning against the back of the couch sideways with her back against the arm of the side she was on. She smelled something sweet and could see white bags of something on the kitchen table when she looked.

Stoick noticed her tired gaze and smiled warmly.

“Yes, Hiccup woke half an hour ago with another episode of pain in that leg of his. I brought him a sleeping and pain aid so he’d go back to sleep. Since you were still out too I went to the bakery to get breakfast. Jelly donuts, mini pancakes, and those Gingerbread Cheesecake balls you and your mother love so much.”

Stoick chuckled at his own sentence as he remembered just how much Ingrid loved little sweet things like that. Since she was a children’s nurse she often went to work early, so had to stop at bakeries instead of cooking her own breakfast most mornings. As a result the bakery workers around town knew her well, and Ingrid had only a select few things nowadays she’d eat from them.

Astrid managed a small smile at the man’s cheery mood. She thought about getting up and going to the table, but realized she was just too tired and out of it. She had been sleeping so deeply, so stuck in such a vivid dream, that now she didn’t feel like she was  _ actually  _ awake yet even if she obviously was.

“I think I’ll wait to eat until Hiccup gets up.” Honestly she would like to eat with him anyways.

Stoick nodded in understanding and whistled for Skullcrusher. It was apparently time for him to go outside.

Once Astrid heard the back door close she allowed herself to show the overwhelming amount of emotion she was feeling. She punched the back of the couch full force, still angry at the people who had her captive in her dream and who had hurt her boyfriend. After that she turned so she had her back to the back of the couch and pulled her knees up to her chest, tucking her face in and crying under the cover from the outside world her body created for her.

She didn’t cry long, maybe a few minutes of sobbing, letting some tears flow, calming, and repeating the cycle over and over again. After she’d composed herself and had recovered from that little, slightly unexpected fit that took control of her body without her permission Astrid stood on shaky legs and walked to Hiccup’s bedroom.

She had to take a deep breath once she’d reached his door, her lungs suddenly feeling too small for the amount of oxygen her body needed, before turning the handle and walking inside. She didn’t knock because she didn’t want to wake him if he was sleeping.

As she’d assumed Hiccup was still sound asleep, which made sense since he’d taken a drug that made him tired. He didn’t seem to be in any kind of dream, just lay there facing her, his auburn bangs half-covering his eyes and his blanket only covering his body up to his middle torso. His fingernails made imprints in the rim of the blanket as he subconsciously held it to his body. It almost seemed like he was seeking comfort even in his sleep.

Astrid felt a sudden urge to protect him at this thought, and the fact that Hiccup looked so much younger and vulnerable while asleep only made that urge stronger. She took silent steps across his carpet to his bed, grabbing the index finger of his left hand and holding on. Once she knew he wasn’t going to wake up because she’d disturbed him Astrid stealthily sat on the edge of his bed, her fingers still holding onto his. She noted his prosthetic lay beside the bed rather than being on his leg and remembered Stoick had said he’d woken up in pain.

Deciding she  _ definitely  _ wanted to be there in case he  _ did  _ wake up with pain in his leg once the medication he’d been given wore off Astrid leaned back against the headboard, her feet touching Hiccup’s knees as for the first time in a few weeks she wanted to be as close to him as possible rather than keep a wall between them.

She didn’t really do anything while she sat there for the next hour or so, just stayed there until Hiccup finally woke up, thankfully not in any severe pain other than some lingering soreness, and she helped him to the kitchen table since his stump was too swollen to wear his leg.

They ate breakfast in silence, and thought her nightmare was still fresh on her mind, Astrid managed not to let it control her emotions.  _ Slow and steady.  _ She thought somewhere in the back of her mind. She’d let some emotions out when it was needed. She wouldn’t keep forcing them down like she had been doing since they escaped so long as she was alone or was with Hiccup. She had to let her anger out sometimes. Sometimes she even had to cry.

_ But,  _ Astrid thought to herself as she bit into one of the cheesecake balls that seemingly melted in her mouth, the taste of spices and gingerbread waking her brain up completely which she was grateful for.  _ I’m not weak if I let them out sometimes. If I’m not crying all the time, if I just let myself feel when it’s necessary, I’m not weak. I’m just smart enough to know what’s needed. I’m strong enough to keep them in until I’m alone. I’m not crying all the time. Crying every now and again allows me to function properly. _

Though she only technically half believed her own thoughts, Astrid was calmed at the idea. Comforted even. If anything, she considered herself strong because she managed to get through the nightmares and the bad thoughts, the tears and the anger, rather than shoving them away which would be so much easier.

_ And besides, if I called myself weak because I let something show…  _ Astrid looked up at Hiccup who’s attention was on his food. He appeared to be feeling rested and even more hungry than usual despite having woken up sickly.  _ I’d be calling Hiccup weak too, and he’s not weak, he’s just as strong as I am. Maybe not physically, though he’s close, his mental strength, willpower, and intelligence is as strong as mine. It would be wrong for me to think of him as being weak and he’s doing the same thing as me. _

She had to hold onto that thought. She had to use Hiccup as that inspiration. It was the only way she could keep from beating herself up to acting like a damsel in distress, for admitting that Jeera and Gale had hurt her badly enough to make her this upset even after they were rescued, for giving that kind of power. She had to remind herself that Hiccup was in the same boat as her and when she looked at him she didn’t see a weak person, she saw someone with more mental strength than anyone she knew. 

  
It would be  _ wrong  _ to keep calling herself weak. Astrid just had to keep telling herself that every time she had these nightmares or self-ashamed thoughts.


	19. Bad Dreams (Hiccup's POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup and Astrid both had nightmares the night after meeting up with their friends. Here's a look into Hiccup's dreams and how they affected him. (I know people aren't supposed to feel pain in dreams but he only feels pain in the dream this time because AT THE SAME TIME he is feeling pain in his leg IN REAL LIFE so that travels over into his subconscious. It is possible, has happened to me many times because I roll around and off my bed a lot so I get hurt)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter technically takes place before the previous chapter timeline wise by just a few hours, but I purposefully posted it after so Astrid's physical and emotional pain wasn't dampened down by the severity of Hiccup's own physical pain and the sudden revelation of what exactly happened to his mother.

_ Hiccup was panting heavily as his eyes tried to adjust to what tiny bit of light was in the room. The light was a yellow color and barely seeped under the door to the room he was in. A room small enough to be a medium sized closet with brown wooden walls and a wooden door.  _

_ At first he’d considered breaking the door so more light would come in when he’d realized he couldn’t see anymore than the fingers on his hands, which were apparently roped together. He’d tried kicking the door with his right foot, his left leg lacking it’s prosthetic and oozing with something sticky and iron smelling, obviously blood. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ The door wouldn’t budge and his right leg twinged with that pins and needles feeling he often experienced after sitting on his knees for too long. It brought a shout from his lips and his eyes sealed shut. _

_ The sound of a switch was heard in the room outside of his, and suddenly the small amount of light coming from under the door went away, leaving Hiccup in complete darkness. _

_ Something like claustrophobia set in, his breathing starting to come out in pants and his body subconsciously curling into a little ball. _

_ Then, he heard someone scream. Hiccup immediately recognized the voice and moved forward on his knees, launching himself at the door and hitting it with his fists.  _

_ “Astrid!”  _

_ Hiccup yelled as loudly as he could, gritting his teeth as his bleeding leg throbbed underneath him. He didn’t know how, but he somehow knew Astrid was in great danger and she was screaming for  _ **him.**

_Astrid yelled once more and Hiccup felt hopelessness set in. He couldn’t help her. Astrid was_ **screaming** _on the other side of that door, in some sort of pain he couldn’t see happening, and it made his blood run cold because he couldn’t_ **help her.** _He was desperately useless in this situation and was forced to listen to her cries, each one like knives in his chest, from behind this door that should be so easy to break through but obviously wasn’t._ _  
_ _  
_ _He felt like he was in that basement again, the door right above him but he knew he couldn’t escape._

_ The cries stopped and Hiccup hoped beyond hope Astrid had fallen unconscious, that she hadn’t been taken somewhere else to be hurt….that they hadn’t done the unthinkable and taken her life from her. _

_ Then there was another scream, this one sounding so much further away even if that seemed impossible since he was obviously in some sort of closet of a larger room. The person being hurt should be just outside the door in the darkness. Hiccup knew the voice, knew it from  _ **somewhere,** _ from some distant memory, but he couldn’t figure out who it was. All he knew was the victim of whatever was happening sounded female. _

_ Hiccup smelled smoke and started panicking. Smoke. Smoke meant fire. A fire  _ **indoors.** _ His captures obviously didn’t care for him. Would they leave him in here while they escaped? Leave him in this closet as the rest of the building burned down until the fire inevitably reached him in the closet and burned him alive? _

_ Hiccup was trembling. He was sweating profusely, partially because his leg  _ **hurt so bad** _ and partially because he was afraid. He hadn’t felt this scared in a long while. _

_ The screams continued, and they sounded more fearful than in pain. Each scream was the exact same, like a recording of someone screaming once right when something jumped out at them being played over and over again. It was eerie, unhuman.  _ __   
_   
_ __ The smoke was now seeping through the bottom of the door which Hiccup didn’t think logical. Smoke rose didn’t it? It didn’t flow through creaks under objects like fog did.

_ The room was illuminated and Hiccup felt dread. He believed that light had to be  _ **fire,** _ and honestly fire scared him almost as much as storms did if he was in the right situation, vulnerable or stuck. _

_ Hiccup vaguely remembered when the car crash that had killed his mother happened. He didn’t remember much, just flashes of memory, a lot of which he didn’t even know were real or created by his own imagination to fill in the blanks as they’d developed months  _ **after** _ the crash had happened. _

_ He knew there was fire and smoke, though the whole car wasn’t on fire. No, there wasn’t even an explosion. It was the front of the car smoking with little flames licking the hood in front of him, and within moments the rain put the fire out but there was a lot of smoke left after. Being half-dazed and younger along with having just gone through the trauma of losing a limb mere months ago, Hiccup felt scared out of his wits rather than realizing the rain wouldn’t let the fire get to him. He was  _ **stuck.** _ Stuck in a seat while the smoke from a fire was rising right in front of him. It was going to get him, going to burn him alive, and he couldn’t do anything about it. Hiccup didn’t remember how he was stuck, rather it was the dashboard crushing him, maybe his arms stuck, maybe he’d broken his limbs or something was crushing him from behind, he had no idea why he was restrained, just that he  _ **couldn't move.** _ He remembered one image of his mother, her arms and lower torso blurry in the vision as if his brain didn’t want him to remember it, her eyes closed and blood covering most of her face. _

_ That was all Hiccup remembered from that crash years ago. He didn’t even know what time of day it was back then. All he knew was right now he felt just like he did back then as he listened to the eerie replay of a woman’s scream-the scream of a woman  _ **he knew** -play over and over again robotically.  _ There was fire outside his door and it was going to get him. He couldn’t escape, he was going to be burned alive, just like he’d believed he would be way back when.  _

_ The screams stopped and flames encased the door. Hiccup screamed and shielded his face against the explosion, now crying as he awaited what would inevitably be a very painful, tortuous death as he sat there bound and helpless. _

_ But...the fire didn’t touch him. Hiccup was confused and dared himself to look up. The fire was gone, the door was back in place, and above him a white light bulb swung and illuminated the room. He looked around, seeing numerous tools, tools he recognized from the forge he worked in with Gobber. For real, there was the wrench he knew well because he’d used it so many times, the gloves Gobber had given to him personally to do whatever he wanted with. Hiccup had sown a design into those worn leather gloves small enough to fit his own hands but definitely not Gobber’s. Little black dragon wings with a space between the backs, each wing stretching across the back of his hand, one stretching towards the thumb of the glove and the other reaching the base of the pinky. He’d seen the design on someone’s motorcycle while he was going through a phase where he  _ **adored** _ motorcycles and thought it was cool. There was one of his little wooden animals he’d carve and put on the shelves for sale himself, a wooden horse with a metal back leg.  _

_ Hiccup looked to the other side of the room and he felt as if he’d choked on his own breath. Adult themed toys, or more crudely labeled ‘sex toys’, were on shelves. Not many, but ones he knew. Ones that had been used on  _ **him** _ against his will.  _

_ It felt weird, seeing tools from the forge, his go to place for relaxing and working his dream job, and those ‘toys’ in the same room. It made him want to vomit. _

_ Hiccup looked at the door, now seeing it was metal and heavily bolted. He placed a hand against it and realized the surface was cold, not hot from fire. He tried to look under it for another source of light, maybe smoke, but found there was no crack under the door. He almost felt safe. _

_ Then there was the scream of the third person he’d heard that night. This one was absolutely unrecognizable, but Hiccup could tell it was a child. A small child, probably around toddler age. They sounded like they were in more pain than he could imagine, the scream shrill and so loud it hurt his ears. _

_ Hiccup felt a sudden urge to protect the child. It was being hurt by someone, maybe even tortured, or maybe it was trapped in the fire. He couldn’t listen to that child’s screams anymore, he had to help it. It  _ **hurt** _ to hear such a little person in so much pain.  _

_ Hiccup tried to stand but his legs were numb, paralyzed. This terrified him and he hit his own legs in an attempt to feel pain. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The child screamed again and Hiccup looked up at the door. It now seemed to tower over him as if he was a tiny kid. _

_ “Come here! Come here and open the door! I can help you!”  _

_ Hiccup yelled as loudly as he could. He could feel his eyes warming with tears as the kid screamed again, sobs coming from his or her voice.  _

_ “Dammit! Let them go!” _

_ Hiccup tried hitting the door and it sent a painful tingle all the way up his arm. He was crying now, feeling more useless than he’d ever felt in his life. He was  _ **useless.** He couldn’t do  **anything!**

_ Hiccup knew he couldn’t help the kid so he sat on his knees defeated, unable to move his legs but now being able to feel the fiery pain of a phantom sensation in his amputation sight. Why was that happening now? He covered his ears as tightly as he could, straining against his binds and giving his wrists rope burn just so he could get his hands far enough apart to do so. He felt like a coward, trying to block out those screams because he could do nothing to stop them, but what else was he to do? Sobs escaped his throat though tears didn’t fall. _

\----

“Let me go!”

Hiccup shouted as he sat up in his bed, blankets falling into his lap. He was sweating profusely and shaking. He couldn't remember exactly what he had been dreaming about but he knew he’d been restrained and  _ just wanted out.  _ He needed to help someone. Who? That didn’t matter. It was just a dream….just a dream, just a dream…

“Hiccup?”

Hiccup looked to his side and saw his father standing next to his bed with a look of concern on his face. He was holding onto one of his son’s arms tightly. 

Was his father who had woken him up?

“Dad? Dad I...Sorry I was just…”

It hit him all at once, a stabbing pain in his left leg that raced all the way up to his lower hip. A grunt escaped his lips and he curled in on himself, reaching to grab for his leg but Stoick stopped him. 

“No, no, hold on son.” Stoick began, voice calm even as he was preventing his disoriented son from accidently hurting himself. “I used a bandage and cloth to keep an ice pack securely on your leg. You were half awake a little while ago and complained about your leg hurting.”

As Stoick remembered it,  _ hurting  _ was an understatement. Hiccup hadn’t known who he was talking to but just that he needed help. He spoke of his leg feeling like someone was stabbing it, and talked about fire. 

Stoick saw no reason to bring up his son’s fit. It was obvious he was either talking in his sleep or having a mild night terror that made reality and dream blend together.

Hiccup eventually relaxed his arm and stopped reaching for his leg, but the pain didn’t go away. He was shivering with it, his whole left side burning and itching and hitting him with sharp pains that throbbed.

“Can I...Can you grab my…m-my meds…”

Hiccup gasped out the words and Stoick immediately understood. His son didn’t take medication regularly or on a schedule, but he had emergency medication that soothed the ache and put him to sleep. His doctor had prescribed the pills to him after it became obvious Hiccup’s regular phantom pains weren’t going to go away as he healed. He was one of those more unique cases where the pain was still there when certain situations happened like if he got ill or was under a lot of stress. It wasn’t enough to be considered a chronic pain disorder, but he did fall under that category of amputees the doctor had met that had lasting pains, many more than what was normal for most amputees he’d treated. Hiccup’s pain episodes could take place in the span of a month, him having numerous episodes during a single month for days at a time if he was really stressed or caught some sort of illness, or having one severe episode every two to three months that was induced by his PTS symptoms. When he wasn’t having episodes Hiccup still had much lighter pains multiple times a day for multiple days in a row unless he was having a ‘good week’, though regular over the counter painkillers or distracting himself helped with that just fine.

Stoick left the room and was back with the medication and a water bottle rather quickly, used to this situation. He helped Hiccup support his weight as he drank and sat there with his son while Hiccup lay on his side and tried to focus on his breathing instead of the pain for several minutes while the medication got into his system. Within ten minutes he was much calmer, and within twenty he was sound asleep. 

Stoick went into the living room to grab a tablet to do some online stuff for work before coming back into the bedroom. He sat on Hiccup’s desk chair and did his work for another ten minutes just to make sure Hiccup didn’t get stuck in another nightmare.

“Eh...might as well get breakfast for these two.” Stoick sighed once he’d finished responding to a few emails and proofreading some of Gobber’s emails that were to be sent out because of the blacksmith’s terrible grammar skills. He shut off the tablet and made sure Astrid was still asleep in the living room before throwing on his jacket and heading to the bakery. 


	20. Just You and I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup and Astrid spend time alone together. They have minor conversations about their nightmares and stress, but don't let that influence their overall mood.

Astrid and Hiccup sat next to each at the dining room table as they ate a rather late breakfast. It was almost noon because Astrid had waited for Hiccup to wake up before eating. She wanted to be with him, with someone who understood her so she could take her mind off of her nightmares and just focus on  _ him.  _

Hiccup wasn’t wearing his prosthetic because his leg was still sore. They sat side by side at the dining room table, his half leg touching her right one and she was reminded of just how much the boy trusted her.

“I feel like yesterday was a little overwhelming. Answering questions and all that stuff.” 

Astrid said suddenly, quickly hiding her nervousness at bringing up a serious conversation by popping a powdered sugar dusted mini pancake into her mouth and looking away from him.

Hiccup didn’t seem to notice her sudden nervousness, only nodded his head in understanding as he took a tiny bite of the jelly donut he was eating. He looked at Astrid with confusion in his eyes, though his food-stuffed smile was warm and made her laugh quietly.

“What?”

“Oh nothing. It’s just so easy for you to look cute I guess.”

Astrid pinched one of his cheeks and Hiccup recoiled.

“What was that for?” 

Only right after he said it did he realize she was talking about his stuffed cheeks looking ‘cute’.

“You know, Astrid, pain isn’t the only way to communicate what you want.” 

Hiccup was putting on that smart voice of his to sound more mature, like he was talking down to her, and Astrid rolled her eyes at the sass in it.

“Oh you know you love it.”

She said and popped another mini pancake into her mouth, this one chocolate drizzled.

“Uh-huh, we’re dating for a reason.”

They both shared a laugh as they continued eating. Astrid’s previous statement about the day before was very clearly understandable on Hiccup’s side because he knew he wasn’t the only one who had had stress induced nightmares. Astrid felt like it was something that needed to be said, but they didn’t need to dive into the topic. Not this early in the morning.

Once breakfast was eaten both teens decided to sit outside on a swinging bench. Astrid brought up the idea of playing a quick game of basketball in the backyard or at the park just across from the house, wanting to get some pent up energy out of her system, but the moment Hiccup said he didn’t think he could put his prosthetic back on yet she was understanding of him and didn’t mention it further. After she’d helped him to the bench she went and got an ice pack for him which he took gratefully.

“Thanks.”

Hiccup said as he put the ice pack to his swollen leg, hissing at the cold but hoping it would help with the inflammation. He’d tried medication so this was the next best thing.

“I could message it for you.”

Astrid’s hands were already positioned so she could do so if Hiccup wanted it. He hesitated, face scrunching up a little and hands pressing the ice pack harder to his stump.

“You don’t have to do that Astrid. The ice pack works just fine.”

Astrid smiled and touched his cheek with a gentle hand, her feathers almost like feathers.

“Take it as me helping out so we can play a game of basketball later once you’re feeling better if you have to.”

Hiccup smiled warmly and moved forward as if to kiss her. Astrid turned her head immediately so his lips kissed her cheek instead. She blushed lightly afterwards, feeling silly for her own actions, though Hiccup said nothing about it. 

Some days were just worse than others as far as anxiety went.

When Hiccup didn’t give her a reply Astrid reached forward and her fingers danced on his stump. When he didn’t say anything against it she began massaging with one hand, her thumb pressing here and there to relieve muscle tension, her other hand holding him softly with a careful hold as if he was delicate.

Hiccup hissed here and there, flinching away when she accidentally touched a minor blister he gained from accidently falling asleep with his prosthetic on and sweat gathering and rubbing against his skin the next day. He had both arms out to his sides, hands laying on the back of the bench while he leaned back and swung the hanging seat a little. Astrid didn’t tell him to stop so he rocked them softly, comfortingly.

After a little while Hiccup was starting to get drowsy so he stopped the swing, leaned forward, and put his hand on Astrid’s to stop her. She looked up and their gazes met in silence for a moment before he pulled back and spoke.

“I’m fine now. Can’t wear the prosthetic, but there’s no more messaging can do because it doesn’t really hurt anymore.”

Astrid smiled warmly and nodded her head in understanding. She leaned back to sit next to him and Hiccup wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

They sat in silence and listened to the rocking sound the swinging bench made and the chirping of birds. It was nearing noon so it was pretty warm outside for Berk weather and the sun was at its peak, beaming down on them.

“We should go inside. I can make us both coffees.” 

Astrid looked up at Hiccup from her spot leaning against his chest, her head on his heart. He smiled down at her and kissed her forehead tenderly.

“Think you can help me get back inside? I can make it to the couch from the kitchen.”

The backdoor led right into the kitchen where an opening leading to the living room was. The kitchen bar and a bin with supplies were often helpful for Hiccup when he was lacking his prosthetic and needed to get from one place to the other. His father had also purposefully placed a nightstand in an odd place out in the opening for him to have help getting between rooms, and the bedrooms down the hallway were-well-in the _hallway_ so he could easily use the walls for assistance.

“No. I want to help you.”

“What? But I can easily-”

“Shh”

Hiccup was cut off when Astrid placed her fingers to his mouth, shushing him.

“I want to help you.”

She said more sternly, placing her hand over his heart and Hiccup couldn’t help but smile a goofy smile. He winced a moment later when his leg twinged, but at least the tense muscles and knots were gone.

Astrid helped Hiccup to the living room couch, not minding the slow pace it took to get there. She wanted to be close to him, to help him, to have her body pressed so closely to him like a puzzle piece in a comfortable way that didn’t make her want to run away or have the urge to kiss him. She was just with him and he was with her.

They both went to the couch and Astrid made them coffees. She decided on turning on the TV. The both of them watched an old western movie, occasionally having small conversations.

“So why were you so insistent on helping me?”

Hiccup asked with a warm smile. They sat side by side, Astrid on the left with her arm around his midsection, her free hand holding her French Roast coffee with sugar and milk. Hiccup sat with his left arm around her shoulders, his Peppermint Mocha coffee on the coffee table while his free hand rested limply against the couch. They were content, unstressed and relaxed. It felt good.

“I love going out with or without our friends, and of course the therapy sessions are necessary and helpful. Still...I just…”

“Love little moments like this?”

Hiccup cut Astrid off and she smiled at him. He had practically read her mind.

“Yeah. Exactly.” 

She leaned further into him and Hiccup smiled warmly, his eyes almost sparkling when he looked at her. It was obvious he thought she was beautiful and Astrid felt everything inside her flutter at the thought. She  _ was very beautiful _ in Hiccup’s eyes and he let her know everyday. It helped her self confidence immensely.

Suddenly feeling too hot, Astrid had to lean away from Hiccup and set her cup down. She folded both hands on top of her head and stood up.

“Sorry. I’m just...just really hot.”

Hiccup nodded his head in understanding, still resting lazily against the couch with both arms now limp at his sides. 

“I’ve heard that can be a symptom of pregnancy, hot flashes I mean, and it can be a sign of anxiety. It makes sense on both parts.”

Astrid thought she should’ve felt something negative at Hiccup mentioning pregnancy symptoms but she didn’t. She just remained standing in the same position she was in, didn’t feel the need to put a hand on her belly or focus on it like she normally did when someone mentioned her baby and she of course felt torn about her emotions. Instead of feeling negative she felt nothing, just nodded without really looking at Hiccup who had spoken to her. Her lack of intense emotion surprised herself.

“I don’t think it’s a hot flash. I’ve just been....Well I’ve been going on runs and not really focusing on anything a lot here recently.”

The smallest smiles danced on her lips and her eyes shone.

“I guess my brain got a little surprised...focusing on  _ you.  _ On my feelings for you.”

Hiccup smiled brightly at the comment, if a little dorkily. He moved forward to the edge of the couch so he could take her hand in his.

“If you want to go out for a run you can.”

“And leave you here alone? Please Haddock, who do you think I am?”

They both laughed a real, light laugh. Hiccup shrugged his shoulders and gazed at her as if she was his most prized possession. 

“Well, I guess I can’t say I don’t enjoy the company m’lady.”

They both stayed as they were, Astrid anxiously pacing every now and again for a few steps as her body strived to get moving and forget it’s stressful emotions. Hiccup took occasional sips of his coffee, going between watching her and the TV often.

Finally, Astrid sat back down, not in the same position as before but rather facing Hiccup and sitting on her knees. She had one hand on his left leg and one arm around his midsection. Hiccup pulled her to him and leaned his head against hers with his eyes closed, enclosing her in a tight embrace that comforted her, but only if it was him giving it to her. Astrid could see nothing as her eyes were covered by his shoulder, and yet she trusted him so much it didn’t bother her in the slightest. Let him take care of watching the world for a moment, let her relax and wrap her thoughts together for a period of time.

A few hours later Hiccup and Astrid woke up, realizing they’d fallen asleep leaning against each other. Hiccup was up first, stretching his arms to get the sleepiness out of them and balancing Astrid’s body against the back of the couch so he could move to check on his leg.

As Hiccup was rubbing a little pins and needles out of his now no longer sore leg he felt Astrid stretching next to him. 

Looking back at the oven clock, Hiccup realized it was already 1:00 in the afternoon.

“It’s already lunchtime. Want me to make something?”    
  


Hiccup asked with a smile as he watched Astrid bend to pop her back before stretching her arms over her head. She had every detail of an athlete’s body and attitude.

“Is your leg feeling better?”

Astrid asked softly and Hiccup felt warm inside at her genuine concern for his well being.

“It’s got this weird pins and needles feeling,  _ but  _ there’s no more pain. I think I can do the prosthetic if I am careful with it so I don’t have  _ another  _ episode. Think you could grab it for me?”

Astrid happily grabbed Hiccup’s prosthetic for him, not asking him again if he was okay. She knew better than to treat someone with a disability like a child just because of their disability. Hiccup was a young man and could tell if he needed help or wasn’t up for something himself.

Once Hiccup got his prosthetic and tested to make sure he was fine wearing it he went to the kitchen to make lunch, Astrid following in toe to help him get what ingredients he needed for cooking.

All in all, they kind of did look a lot like a natural domestic couple.


	21. A Good Day Turned Confusing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During what seems like a good day despite their nightmares, Hiccup and Astrid have a confusing moment on both ends when emotions and physical pleasure collide and make them doubt themselves.

Hiccup stood at the kitchen counter with the pots and pans he’d need for cooking in front of him. Cooking and baking was something therapeutic for him if he admitted it, soothing.

“So, what do you need me to get?”

Hiccup turned around to see Astrid smiling, her blonde braid just a little messy and her hands on her hips confidently. She was wearing a pink sleeveless shirt and dark purple leggings with her leather skirt, not really colors she wore often, though perhaps she just wanted to change things up today to help with her mood. He couldn’t blame her, though he was still in his dark green  _ pajamas _ so he couldn’t really relate. At least he’d brushed his hair though, something she always did the moment she woke up, better at getting ready quickly than he was.

“Could you grab some onions from the bottom of the fridge? And some ingredients for salad? I could also use some peppers. Everything else I need I already have on the counter.”

Astrid nodded and got him the last three things Hiccup needed. She decided to get to work making a big plastic bowl of salad for the both of them to eat out of while he cooked.

Hiccup made them a lunch of fried battered onions, scrambled eggs with peppers, and he made a few pieces of garlic buttered bread to eat with the salad Astrid had made. As soon as they’d both set the table, giggling once when they bumped into each other, Stoick and Ingrid walked through the door.

“Mom!” 

Astrid shouted when she unexpectedly saw her mother walking into the house. She ran to Ingrid and hugged her. Agnar was working on a project all day.

“You weren’t supposed to get off work until midnight!”

  
Ingrid laughed and engulfed her daughter in a tight hug before letting her go and speaking.

“I got let off early because one of the youngsters I was supposed to be training didn’t show up and we didn’t have a busy day on the unit I was working. Someone else offered to take my place since they didn’t need many people. Just a few Influenza cases and a number of kids suffering from bronchitis. Small hospital, small unit.”

Astrid smiled in understanding, happy her mother wasn’t working emergency or she’d have definitely had a much longer, much more stressful day.

“I am on call of course, but for now I’m home.”

“I get it.” 

  
Astrid replied before both of their voices were drowned out by the man behind them. 

“What’s that smell?! I’m starving!” 

Stoick shouted cheerfully so the cook-no doubt his son-would be able to hear him. 

“I’ll start some bacon!”

Hiccup said with fake annoyance in his voice. He hadn’t made enough food for everyone but the bacon and extra salad would cover it.

As Hiccup was cooking with Astrid’s help Stoick and Ingrid sat on the swinging bench in the back yard side by side. They looked through the window that was behind them once and smiled when they saw Astrid laughing at Hiccup because he dropped a piece of bacon in the sink and Hiccup trying to pout but being unable to help but smile.

“They’re recovering so quickly. They didn’t even go through a long phase of withdrawal or depression. I must say I’m surprised but at the same time I’m worried about what’s going on underneath.”

Ingrid said as she watched the two through the window who didn’t even know they were being talked about. Astrid splashed water from her hands on Hiccup’s face and he laughed, chucking a piece of shredded lettuce into her hair.

“They’re both very prideful. It is impossible to think they might not be hiding anything from us, that they’ve been completely open. That’s okay though.”

  
Stoick sighed heavily and smiled warmly as he watched the teens through the window.

“They’re doing good...even if they’ve been stressed. Isn’t that all we can ask for?”

“I do have to agree with you. I’ve been thinking about it like it’s a bad thing.”

Ingrid looked at her hands, smiling warmly. Stoick was right about what he was saying. Even if it was mostly just a shield or a mask, at least a small percentage of what Hiccup and Astrid were feeling on the outside was  _ actually  _ just as good on the inside. Some of it was just too natural to be otherwise. 

“All parents worry when something is wrong with their child, Ingrid. I’ve been thinking about only the bad too. It’s hard to force myself to see the progress and not worry about what’s going on negatively.”

The two parents swung on the bench in silence for a little while, just watching their individual children have fun in their own little ways. Hiccup was currently plating the bacon and put the bread on a cloth so he could set the table. Astrid was leaning against the counter with a smile on her face, arms crossed relaxed as she watched her boyfriend do his thing.

Hiccup was outside minutes later calling them in and saying lunch was ready. Stoick was quick to sit in his chair and grab what looked like 6 to 8 pieces of bacon. He also grabbed two pieces of garlic bread and some eggs. Hiccup chuckled as he was reminded of how much his father liked his home cooking, and how much of it the man could eat at a time.

Astrid took her spot on Hiccup’s right as she grabbed a piece of bread and a spoonful of eggs and peppers. She hadn’t been eating nearly as much as usual recently and often skipped dinner. Hiccup was trying to eat more but as usual when he was under any kind of stress he could only make himself stomach about as much as Astrid. Ingrid didn’t really eat beyond a few peppers, content to just sit at the table with everyone. She’d eaten her fair share of snacks at work with her coworkers.

“I still don’t understand how you stay a normal weight and only eat such a  _ conscious  _ amount of food.”

“Really, dad?  _ Again  _ with the comments on my weight?”

Ingrid and Astrid couldn’t help but laugh at the rather normal interaction as they ate, spotting Hiccup smiling through his own ‘upset’ facial expression because he just couldn’t help it.

\---

After lunch was eaten Hiccup and Astrid went to what was now Astrid’s bedroom to play on her XBox. She didn’t have all of her stuff in the generously sized bedroom, but she had decided to bring her gaming systems over, yoga mat, hand weights, and of course her clothes to put in the dresser. She also had two band posters on the wall, one from her favorite rock band and one from a foreign music band she listened to while she went on walks.

“You’re gonna regret that!”

Astrid shouted after Hiccup’s character snuck up behind her and took her down with a knife without her ever knowing he was approaching. They were playing  _ Halo 4  _ on the multiplayer versus mode one on one.

“Sure I will.” 

Hiccup said with a laugh as he took off to another place to creep. He was typically a sniper or he planned out his moves before he attacked up close, never letting Astrid predict his next move. Astrid on the other hand went right into battle with Rocket Launchers and giant Energy Hammers, though that didn’t mean she wasn’t strategic. Bigger maps were Hiccup’s strong suit and smaller maps were Astrid’s because she could plan a way to corner her opponent in a small area and kill them with nowhere to run. 

When Hiccup snuck up on her and managed to assassinate her in these games it infuriated Astrid to no end.

Astrid respawned and began scoping out the area near the center of the smaller map, watching for Hiccup to make his appearance so she could fire at him with her rocket launcher. Hiccup-unbeknownst to Astrid-was underground using thermovision to figure out where she was on the map since they had no mini-maps.

When Hiccup got up in a corner and sniped her, Astrid shouted in anger because he’d managed to be sneaky on her again. 

“Oh come on!” 

Hiccup was laughing at this point, staying in his sniping spot in hopes of getting her again when she respawned. Unfortunately for him she spawned underground and he was now up high.

“Quit laughing! I’ll get those two points on you yet!”

Hiccup only laughed harder at that and Astrid tried to force a frown. She wound up smiling though at seeing his delight in having bested her. 

“And you said small maps were your thing.”

Hiccup said slyly, eyes mischievous. Having had enough, Astrid socked him in the shoulder before pushing him onto his back and leaning most of her weight on his chest so he couldn’t move.

“Agh, save the violence for the game!”

Hiccup shouted, the mischievousness in his eyes being replaced by disappointment and some fear.

“Why? I could take you much easier in real life.”

“That’s kind of the point in playing video games with me!”

“Do I look like I care.”

Astrid didn’t really think when she did it, nor did she think about how close they were on her own bed, but she leaned down and kissed him like she’d used to when she wanted him to shut up. The kiss was deeper than what was normal and she felt her lips quiver against him.

Hiccup tensed at first when she kissed him but he instinctively kissed back, his lips more quickly receptive than usual and his teeth baring themselves against her mouth.

Astrid pulled away moments after she’d kissed him, face flushed and cheeks warm. She also noticed a warmth in her belly that she had taught herself to dislike because she hated when bad dreams would cause the same feeling despite her not liking what the dreams were about. She had never been so quickly aroused by just kissing Hiccup before. 

Hiccup had the same feeling. He’d been finding himself feeling that way a lot more often recently and he knew it wasn’t an aging thing. Rather they’d liked the experience or not he  _ had  _ had sex with Astrid before, and of course his body woke him up with urges often at night wanting the same bit of pleasure he’d had before, even if that pleasure had been mixed with unbearable amounts of fear and guilt.

“I...I need to go.”

Astrid said suddenly as she set her controler down, abandoning the match on the TV.

“No. No, this is your room. Let me go and give you your space.”

Admittedly he kind of wanted some space himself. He didn’t like how quickly their kiss had turned from something innocent to something hungry. They had so much going on right now. That kind of thing should’ve been the last thing on his mind. 

Astrid nodded her head, getting up to turn off the XBox. Hiccup, face sad and confused, got up and walked to his bedroom, ignoring his father looking at him confusedly. He shut his bedroom door a little too heavily and went to his desk. He decided he’d draw to distract himself and take himself to a reality that wasn’t  _ this. _

What was coming over him? He didn’t want to feel like that. Fearful, aroused, he didn’t want any of it. And yet he’d been so hungry for Astrid when it was obvious she didn’t want that either. It was only when he sat down at his desk that he realized how quickly his body had shown visible response to her sudden, hard kiss.

“This isn’t normal…”

Hiccup mumbled to himself as he began sketching. The sketch started with a human figure, then turned into a girl with long hair, and eventually he found himself sketching Astrid in all her beauty on a run, leaves in the wind around her. It was autumn in the drawing and she had a little bit of cold sweat on her temples, chilly but hot at the same time. 

He was always thinking about her, he just sometimes disliked  _ how  _ he thought of her. This was what he wanted, to just see Astrid as beautiful and strong, someone who he protected and who protected him, not some object for sex like Jera and Gale had treated her.


	22. Illness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astrid comes to realize just how much her stress-exercising and overworking herself is taking a toll on her body.

She ran down the street and turned into the park where she continued running along the sidewalk path there. A thin layer of snow covered the ground and icicles hung from trees.

Astrid was dressed in her regular blue tank-top, black leggings, and leather skirt, though she had an added fur coat and fur boots on to help shield her against the cold. Her hair was up in a ponytail instead of its usual braid because she had rushed in getting ready for the day so she could run first thing in the morning before she’d be doing her schoolwork.

For the past three days she’d been having nightmares just like the one she’d had when Stoick woke her up on the couch that one day. She had felt awkward around Hiccup for the rest of that day but the next morning they’d gotten right to picking up where they left off in a ‘rematch to decide’.

It was Friday so she’d have the weekend free to run and play games as she pleased for the next two days. She just had to get through a few tests she had online first.

The thought of the tests didn’t bother her  _ too much,  _ but they did cause some stress and had Astrid running to relieve that stress almost as soon as she had woken up.

Then she’d been stressed out after watching the news. She should’ve been happy about what had happened, but just seeing the after effects of everything that had happened stressed her. Jeera and Gale had officially been locked up. They weren’t just being tried anymore, they were being locked up for possession and selling of child pornography and kidnapping and would be in a cell for the next few years. Because they were already charged with these two things there was no reason for Hiccup and Astrid to stand against them and talk about the child abuse, the pornography was plenty of evidence to that. They’d also been involved in the trafficking of other minors in their lifetime.

Astrid ran and ran until it began snowing again. The wind picked up and she felt cold even with her jacket. Turning around to go back home, Astrid ran the whole way there until she got to the front porch and slowed to a speed walk. 

She entered the quiet house and hung her coat on the coat rack near the door. Stoick was in his office doing work online and Hiccup was in the kitchen making himself something to eat. 

“Think you can make me some of that too?”

Astrid asked with a smile on her face. Hiccup turned around to smile at her and nodded his head. 

“It’s not much. Just scrambled eggs and onions on the skillet. If you still want it though I’ll make two servings.”

He continued his cooking, getting a few more eggs so he could make his girlfriend something to eat too. Astrid stood leaning against the kitchen counter as she watched him cook. 

They had another therapy appointment on Monday and Astrid had no idea what they should talk about. There was so much to talk about and yet nothing came to mind. They’d already talked about what had happened to them, how their emotions were affecting them...what came next?

“You’re thinking about something.”

“Am I?”

“Yep. Your eyes are all squinty and you’re gazing into space. Want to talk about it?”

“Just thinking about our next appointment with Linda.”

Hiccup nodded his head in understanding. He hadn’t been thinking too much about their next appointment but he had found himself a little anxious about what came next. Would these appointments just keep getting harder and harder overtime? 

“Understood. Anything else?”

Astrid pushed her hair over her shoulder and walked to the counter to help Hiccup plate the first batch of eggs and onions. She then went to get the milk out of the fridge and make chocolate milk for the both of them. 

“I have tests today.”

“Ah, tests! Just another way school tries to throw students into a mental breakdown.”

“Ain’t it true though?”

They both laughed as they grabbed their individual plates and cups. They went to the living room to eat on the couch at the glass coffee table.

“I’m sure you’ll do fine. You’re academically talented.”

“Sure you’re not thinking about yourself? I’m more of a sports girl than a nerd-girl.”

“Are you calling me a nerd?”

“Maybe. I’m just saying I’m not the most skilled when it comes to studying for tests.”

“You’ll do  _ fine.” _

Hiccup leaned forward to kiss Astrid gently on the cheek. When he pulled back to see her blushing lightly he used his free hand that wasn’t holding his plate to push her hair behind her ear.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

It was so natural to say it, so easily true. Both Hiccup and Astrid smiled before going back to eating their breakfast.   
  


\---   
  


Astrid submitted the answers to her last test of the day and leaned back onto the couch with a sigh of relief. The stress seemed to melt away from her shoulders and she smiled lightly. She turned to look at Hiccup who was at the table and working on a math assignment. 

Part of her wanted to start a conversation just to bug or tease him, but Astrid’s body had different plans. It started with a pressure in her lower belly, then a feeling of heat just below her chest, and then severe nausea hit her like a pile of rocks to the head. 

Astrid stood up quickly which only served to make her dizzy. Other than a bit of eggs she hadn’t eaten anything after going on her run and she’d hardly drank any water. Astrid took a few steps towards the hallway where the bathroom was, but she stopped quick when the nausea became so overwhelming she had to freeze in her tracks.

Hand over her mouth in an attempt to keep the act of vomiting at bay, Astrid had to give up as she fell to her knees and threw up her breakfast right there on the carpeted floor. 

Hiccup was by her side in seconds, holding Astrid’s loose hair out of her face with one hand and supporting her weight by placing his free hand on her chest. She was shaking and weak and he was sure if he wasn’t helping her she would’ve fallen to the floor where her own vomit was. 

“S-Sorry.”

Astrid mumbled. She felt humiliated for having vomited right in the middle of the floor, too weak to even make it to the bathroom.

“No. No, don’t be. It’s not your fault. Maybe it’s not a good idea to go on these runs in the mornings when it’s so cold outside though. You’re obviously more vulnerable to getting sick for some reason.”

He knew that reason was likely the pregnancy and stress.

“I should’ve been able to get to the bathroom.”

“Now don’t be like that. When I lost my leg I was puking because of the medication and there were many nights I couldn’t get to the bathroom.”

“You were  _ missing a leg,  _ Hiccup.”

“And you’ve been through a lot. I want you to sit on the couch and I’ll clean up this mess and make you some tea. Think you can stomach some mashed potatoes? You need something in your system.”

“Stop babying me.” Astrid coughed. “You’re not my father.”

“No, but I’m your boyfriend and I’m worried about you.”

Astrid sighed and opened her mouth to say something snarky, but the smell of her own vomit hit her hard and she wound up puking just a little more onto the carpet. 

“See? You’re just in a weak state right now. You need rest, Astrid. Please, for me?”

Astrid nodded her head and gave in. She knew he was right. Hiccup placed both hands on her chest, hooking his arms under her shoulders. He leaned her up on shaky legs and helped Astrid to the recliner instead of the couch so she wasn’t so close to the smell. 

“Let me clean up, then I’ll make you something to sooth the nausea.”

Astrid nodded her head in agreement and leaned back with her eyes closed, happy to be propped up on something comfortable and away from the smell of her own puke.

Hiccup would be lying if he said he didn’t gag three different times as he used a dirty towel to remove the top of the mess on the carpet. Once the surface of the floor was cleaned he used the home shampooer to clean what was deep in the carpet, then sprayed a cleaning agent over the floor to get rid of the odor and to keep any stains from happening. 

Once the smell was officially gone Hiccup removed his cleaning gloves and went into the kitchen to make tea for Astrid. He boiled a pot of water and got a berry flavored tea back to put in it. Adding that to a small water jug filled a quarter of the way with plain hot water, he added the tea flavored hot water and a little bit of sugar and honey. He figured everyone could have a little tea so filled the entire jug. 

Hiccup grabbed a couple of potatoes from the pantry and boiled those in a larger pot so they’d soften, then he cut those up, mashed them, and blended them with butter using a hand mixer so they were soft. He didn’t add any seasoning as to not cause another bout of nausea for Astrid. 

The smell of mashed potatoes and berry tea from the kitchen made Astrid feel a little better as she reclined the recliner so she was laying back but also propped up. She hadn’t realized she’d fallen asleep for a good 20 minutes until Hiccup woke her up to give her what he’d made and she checked the time on her phone. 

“Thanks babe.”

Astrid said in a tired voice with a tired smile. She took the bowl of mashed potatoes which was only about as big as her hand and set the tea on the coffee table to drink later. Having something new in her belly, especially something so warm and soft, soothed her reflexes and helped with the nausea greatly. It also made her head spin a lot less.

“Please promise me you’ll stop going on these runs so early.”

Hiccup said as he took a sip from his own glass of tea.

“You’ve got someone else taking your energy and weighing you down now. You’ve hardly been eating at all. It’d be dangerous if you had another spell of sudden weakness and you were out exercising all on your own. Everyone is at school or at work at these times. I can’t imagine what would happen if-”

“Hiccup.”

Hiccup looked at Astrid in surprise as she cut him off with a stern tone. She smiled warmly at him. 

“You’re rambling. You don’t have to worry about me so much. I...I promise I’ll take better care of myself, okay?”

Hiccup smiled brightly and Astrid realized how much he really felt worried for her. It reminded her of some of the things he’d admitted to the therapist recently. He was so happy just to hear she would take his advice. 

“Can you pass me my tea?”

Astrid asked in a warm voice just to show him she was really listening to what he was saying. She  _ would  _ think before she reacted to her stress. She needed to stop running away from it and putting herself in danger. It would take time but she’d find better habits. 

Hiccup gave the tea to her immediately and helped Astrid drink it since her hands were shaking. She felt nauseous again but it went away quickly as she focused on her breathing and took in the soothing smell of the tea. 

“I’m kind of worried about going into work in the next hour.” 

Hiccup admitted. He was planning on finishing his last assignment then he had to go into work with Gobber. The man needed his help fixing a few motorcycles which people sometimes brought in while Gobber manned his bar. As said before, his business consisted of a few jobs in one. The man had no close family or a spouse so his workplace was something that brought him joy. He was always working on something, even if it was little like sharpening someone’s antic sword.

“You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll keep a trashcan nearby and take a nap here until you’re back home.”

“Promise?”

Hiccup’s worry was not hidden from his voice. Astrid smiled warmly, her eyes truthful, no doubt behind them. 

“I  _ promise.  _ Now get finished with your assignment so you can go earn some money, handsome.”

Hiccup smiled brightly and nodded his head enthusiastically, always someone who reveled in compliments since he’d grown up being bullied at school during his younger years. He kissed her on the cheek before standing up and going to the kitchen table to submit his schoolwork.

Astrid had a warm, loving look on her face as she watched him go, happy she could make him happy after all he’d done for her. 


	23. A new friend?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup meets who may be a new friend while he's at work. Astrid deals with her feelings of illness and tries to be strong.

**(A/N) Sorry for taking so long to update guys and gals. First I was having a really bad writers block, then for the past week I’ve been in the hospital. I’m home and well now, just letting you know why I haven’t been on my usual writing schedule. Also just letting you know I love any reviews you leave, they motivate me to write.**

  
  


Hiccup couldn’t stop himself from thinking about Astrid as he worked at the forge/mechanic shop and it didn’t go unnoticed. Gobber had asked him if he was alright the moment he’d walked in.

“Something on your mind, lad?”

“Astrid’s a little sick.” 

“Say no more.”

Hiccup got to work quickly, happy Gobber didn’t have anymore to say.

About 30 minutes later a dark skinned boy wearing a black hoodie and bluejeans with tears at the knees entered the shop on his motorcycle. He wore black boots that reached his mid-calf muscle. He didn’t look to be very old, though kids could get a motorcycle license as early as 16 on Berk and a driver’s license as early as 15.

When the boy removed his hoodie, Hiccup was surprised to recognize T, the boy he’d met at the therapist's office.

“The name’s Timothy, though my friends call me T or Toothless. I prefer T, Toothless is a nickname.”

The boy looked up at Hiccup and seemed to only just now recognize him. 

“Oh hey! Hiccup, right?” 

His voice was quiet, almost shy. Hiccup nodded his head. 

“Yep. What can I do for you? Also aren’t you supposed to be in school?”

Hiccup asked as he wiped some oil off of his hands after moving away from the engine he’d been working on. 

“I was wondering if you guys paint here? I wanted to repaint my bike because it’s been chipping like crazy after being left in a storm. I also figured I could buy one of the little trinkets you guys have here. My mom’s birthday is coming up and she has breast cancer-well she’s recovering from it now-so birthdays are a big deal.”

So that must’ve been why Emily didn’t have the typical female anatomy as far as her chest went, she must’ve had her breasts removed. Hiccup had been sure she wasn’t just wearing a tight bra or undershirt, though of course he wasn’t really paying that much attention. Still, he was a curious person and had noticed.

“As far as the school thing goes, I’m homeschooled because I’m on this Autism Spectrum thing and my old principle was super negative towards mentally ill people-telling them it’s for attention and stuff-and kind of made me hate public school. This was back in 6th grade.”

Hiccup flinched at that information. How could someone tell someone who was  _ sick  _ that they were doing it all for attention?

“I can paint it for you, though you’ll have to leave the bike here for a few days. As far as the gift goes, there’s a few things in the back I made myself that I can wrap for you.”

“Cool.”

Hiccup led T to the back where there were wooden figurines, flower pots he’d made and designed, paperweights made from blown glass, and so forth.

“You want something that hints at her journey fighting what she has?”

“Sure. That’d be great.”

Hiccup reached up onto a shelf and grabbed a picture frame that said ‘You can be stronger’ on it and was painted with a mix of purples and blues.

“She’ll love this! Thanks, Hiccup.”

Hiccup smiled and nodded his head.

“You’ll have to pay for the paint job when you come to retrieve your bike, but consider this a gift from the shop. I paid for the supplies I used to make it, as I do most of these little things I build, so I don’t have to ask my boss.”

T’s eyes lit up, but he didn’t smile.

“Really? Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Hiccup wrapped the picture frame and handed it to T. Just as the boy was leaving he stopped him. 

“Hey, wait a second!”

T stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Hiccup with a confused look on his face.

“ _ Yeah?” _

“Well...I was thinking-what if we hung out sometime? You know, since we have so much in common. I’m even homeschooled too as of the past year. I’m finishing my Junior and Senior years online.”

T raised an eyebrow as he thought about the offer.

“Uh, yeah. Here, give me your phone and I’ll give you mine.”

T gave Hiccup his phone to put his number into and Hiccup did the same. 

“So, why are you deciding to do online school so late into your high school years?”

_ How am I supposed to answer that? _

“Well I uh...I um…”

_ Just keep it simple, Hiccup _

“Well...My girlfriend’s pregnant.”

T’s eyebrows raised in surprise and he looked at Hiccup with concern. He’d seen Hiccup and Astrid and didn’t take them to be _ those _ kinds of teens, unsafe and all. Hiccup was quick to defend himself. 

“It...it’s not like that!”

He said a little too quickly, a little too loudly, then he lowered his voice.

“It was...you won’t tell anyone right? I mean, I know you don’t know our friends but-”

“My lips are sealed, Hiccup. I don’t gossip. I’m actually pretty quiet. My friends call me Toothless because I don’t talk or smile much. They never see my teeth.”

Hiccup smiled at the idea. Oh how people could come up with their nicknames.

“Well...It was a...a forced-a child pornography situation...I mean we’re  _ 17,  _ but it was still…”

“Say no more, Hiccup. I get what you’re saying.”

“You do?”

“You two were on the news, right? You were kidnapped. It kind of all adds up now that you say what you’ve said.”

Hiccup sighed in partial relief, partial disappointment. He didn’t want people to know this stuff about him but T was easy to talk to.

“Thanks. Hey, come back anytime and I or Gobber will help you out. Also, if you do text or call me, I’m sure Astrid would like to hang out too.”

T nodded his head with a smile and called Emily to give him a ride home since he couldn’t take his bike with him. She was happy to give him one and Hiccup was left to go through the rest of his work day as tense as he’d been before T had arrived.

\---

After working on motorcycles all day and doing some cleaning around the shop Hiccup was finally able to clock out and drive home around 5:00 in the evening. He entered his house around 5:20 after picking up some sodas for he and Astrid, a diet coke for himself and a sweet tea without ice for Astrid.

“I’m home!”

Hiccup called as he walked inside, hoping to find Astrid resting on the recliner. When he entered the house she was on the couch, laying down and asleep. She must’ve moved there to be more comfortable. She also had a plate with half-eaten homemade burritos on the glass lidded coffee table which she’d probably eaten for lunch, which Hiccup now realized he’d never eaten. 

At hearing him closing the door Astrid woke up from her sleep and used her hand to try and fix her hair. She sat up slowly and stretched her arms above her head, kicking her legs a little to get some feeling back in them. 

“Feeling any better?”

  
Hiccup asked with a small smile. Astrid nodded her head and smiled back. 

“Yeah. After I ate lunch I spent a lot of the day sleeping. I feel much better and a lot less weak.”   
  
She came to realize she needed to focus more on her energy levels if she was going to continue stress-exercising. She easily saw the sudden drops on the scale when she weighed once every week to two weeks. She’d already lost 6 pounds in the past month and she was a healthy weight so she didn’t need to lose more. If she was going to exercise Astrid also needed to give herself rest and nutrition. 

The Hofferson girl smiled as Hiccup passed her the tea he’d bought for her. She took a drink and stood up so she could stretch her back and legs. Hiccup stood by her side as if he thought she’d fall.

“I’m fine, Hiccup. You can stop worrying about me now.”

“I’ll never stop worrying about you...that’s just the way it is.”

“Yeah? I guess the same goes for me too.”

They shared warm smiles and set their cups down so they could hug each other. Hiccup held Astrid close to his chest, resting his face in her hair and rubbing small circles in her back. Astrid’s arms lay loosely, comfortably, around his neck so she could hold him tightly and closely. She could smell the oil and leather from his day at work and it comforted her.

“When did you eat lunch?”

Hiccup asked as he pulled away just enough to look her in the eyes. 

Astrid looked at the clock to get the time.

“Maybe 4 hours ago?”

“I can make something for the both of us if you want.”

“Yeah. That’d be nice.”

Astrid pulled out of the hug first, hesitant to let him go as she had been a lot ever since they’d been rescued. She followed Hiccup into the kitchen, leaving her cup on the coffee table in the living room. Hiccup grabbed frozen fish patties and the ingredients to make alfredo pasta for both of them. 

“You’re not a Berkian if you don’t eat fish at least once a week.”

Hiccup said playfully as he began warming the skillet on the stove top to cook the fish. He also filled a pot with water to boil the pasta noodles.

“What about the vegetarians?”

“They’re not _ true _ vikings.”

Astrid laughed at that. Just about everyone in Berk had some sort of viking heritage.

They ate in comfortable silence at the table as it snowed and hailed outside. Finally, Hiccup decided to start some conversation.

“You’ll never guess who came in to get their bike repaired today.”

“Who?”

Astrid asked curiously as she took a bite of fish. 

“T. Apparently his real name is Timothy and he sometimes goes by ‘Toothless’.” Hiccup answered with a chuckle. 

“T? The guy from the therapy office?”

“That’s the one. Gave me his phone number.”

Astrid smiled at that. She could see something between T and Hiccup, some sort of comfort Hiccup had felt, so at ease talking about his leg when T was around, and his past. She would love for T to be one of their friends.

“He seems like a nice guy. Maybe we can all hang out sometime.”

“I told him you’d probably say that.”

Silence followed and Hiccup watched Astrid as she ate. She looked much better than she had that morning, her face full of color and eyes shining with energy as they normally did. She was smiling as she ate and he wondered what she was thinking about. 

Honestly, she was as beautiful as ever.

\---

That night while Stoick was in his office and Ingrid and Agnar were working on projects at their own house Hiccup and Astrid decided to get comfortable on the couch and watch a movie as it continued to storm outside.

The movie played on the screen, a 2 hour long film about a boy who took in a baby dragon and raised it differently from how his peers did, deciding to work  _ with  _ the creature instead of enslaving it with chains and making it do his bidding.

“Hand me the popcorn.”    
  


Astrid said with a smile as she and Hiccup sat shoulder to shoulder under a blanket to keep themselves warm. The lightbulb above them was constantly flickering and she worried they may not be able to finish their movie if the power went out.

“Sure thing. You could’ve asked nicely though.”

Hiccup replied as he handed her the bowl of buttered popcorn that lay on the couch on his left side, Astrid on his right.

“Sure, sure. Will you  _ please  _ hand me the popcorn, babe?”

“I already  _ gave  _ you the popcorn. There’s no need to ask  _ now.  _ That’s just weird.”

“I was just doing what you asked me to.”

“I meant you  _ could have  _ asked nicely. Past tense, m’lady.”

Astrid chuckled and playfully slugged Hiccup in the arm. The boy mocked pain and held the spot her arm had made contact tightly. 

“ _ Ow.”  _

“Oh, quit being such a baby.”

The movie went on and the young couple sat there content next to each other. As time went on Hiccup grew tired and didn’t realize he was falling asleep until he’d already fallen unconscious.

Astrid smiled when she felt his body go limp, knowing he’d fallen asleep next to her after a hard day at work. She moved her arm so Hiccup would fall forward a little, then leaned him toward her so his head fell into her lap.

“Thanks for helping me so much today. It means a lot.” 

Astrid said quietly, chuckling when Hiccup responded to her with a loud snore and subconsciously snuggled closer to her belly because she was warm. 

“I love you.” Astrid whispered before leaning back against the couch so she could get some rest too. 


End file.
